AWAKENING SELF NEWSLETTER — March 2004

1) Announcements
2) Yoga of the Seasons: Ode to Spring, Yoga-style
3) Class, Workshop, and Retreat Schedule
4) This month's article - "In the Face of Anger" by Connie Habash
5) Spiritual Quotes

1) Announcements

Subbing at DEVI YOGA THIS SUNDAY, 3/6
8:45-10:15am Level 2 (intermediate class). Come experience an ecclectic and challenging class focusing on Jyoti, the inner light.

MARK HORNER COMES TO MENLO PARK!
My long-time teacher again comes to the Peninsula to offer a great workshop at Devi Yoga.
FIRE IN THE BELLY: CULTIVATING THE POWER OF THE CORE is a two-day workshop that explores building the inner fire, or agni, through various yogic practices that focus around the abdomen. When the core energy emerges, the body opens more easily as strength is drawn on from within. This core power will then be explored through a flowing practice. Experienced beginners through advanced students will find this workshop fun, challenging, and inspiring! DON'T MISS IT!
Saturday, April 9 2-4:30pm and Sunday, April 10 12:30-3pm
at Devi Yoga, Menlo Park
$70 by April 1st: $80 thereafter

WOMEN'S SPRING RENEWAL RETREAT
This year's theme is EXPLORING YOUR WILD WOMAN! Has your yoga practice or your life become a little too tame?
Look for fun and frolic as we celebrate Spring together and get a little wild! Yoga classes by day and drumming, chanting, and playfulness in new evening programs.
This retreat is HALF FULL - to ensure your space, send your registration in soon! (singles and dorms ARE available)
APRIL 22-24, 2005 at Mount Madonna Center. More information HERE
Early bird discount if registered by 3/25; special lower rates for triples and dorm accommodations (bring your friends!)

It's time again for 108 SURYA NAMASKARS, this time for the Spring Equinox. I chant the 12 mantras to the sun while the Ashtangis lead the sun salutes. Come early or late, do 1 or 108, or just sit and meditate!
Monday, March 21st, 7-9am at YIY in Mountain View. By donation, with refreshments afterwards.

SUNDAY CLASSES IN MAY: 5 Sundays in May I am subbing the 10:30am-12noon class at Devi Yoga in Menlo Park, Level 1-2.
Look forward to an inspiring month-long series.

LEVEL 2 CD IS HERE! A Balanced Yoga Practice, Level 2, is available. A step up in intensity from my level one practice, this audio CD is one hour and fifteen minutes and is a "deep, slow flow". Including longer standing pose sequences, backbends, forward bends and inversions, it again has original music by my friend, Brian Hunter. $16 plus $3.50 shipping charges, or pick one up at a class soon. Special: buy both Level 1 and Level 2 (or 2 CDS of either kind) for $30! More information HERE

NEW PHOTOS on the website. Finally, I have posted the pictures from last year's Introduction to Yoga 2004 at YiY, as well as this year's, and photos from the Chakra Yoga teacher training in February at the Yoga and Movement Center in Walnut Creek. Check them out at http://www.awakeningself.com/photo.html

2) Yoga of the Seasons: Ode to Spring, Yoga-style

Inhale fragrance from lily and tulip
     Let go thoughts, releasing my hip
Bees and birds buzz and sing
     Into Uttansana I spring
Days are longer, the sun shines bright
     My drishti* keeps my nose in sight
Glimmering dewdrops on the grass
     Absorbing the energy of the class
Squirrel leaping from roof to tree
     Anjaneyasana on bended knee
Picking up dog-poop off the lawn
     Trying to meditate before dawn
Blossoms opening to the sun
     Big toe entwined by fingers and thumb
Freshness from the rain-soaked earth
     As I squat I feel the rebirth
Children run outside with glee
     In Half-Moon pose, expansive and free
Wonders appear with every turn
     Holding horse stance my thighs do burn
Exhale, relieved, winter is done
     Opening heart in Bow pose is fun
Baby giggles and coos, so coy
     Spring enters my heart with joy!

Copyright © 2005 by Constance L. Habash

*Drishti is a focused gaze practiced in yoga or meditation

3) Class, Workshop, and Retreat Schedule: Winter/Spring 2005

RETREATS:

WOMEN'S SPRING RENEWAL RETREAT returns! "Exploring Your Wild Woman"
Mark your calendars for: APRIL 22-24, 2005
Mt. Madonna Center, Watsonville
A special time to let loose, play, explore the feminine within, and connect with other women in community.
EARLY BIRD discount (register by 3/25): $255-350,
depending on accommodation; add $30 thereafter
Retreat information and registration form HERE


WORKSHOPS:

AYURVEDIC YOGA with YES Teacher Training program
San Jose
Sunday, March 13th, 1:30-5pm

108 SURYA NAMASKARS to celebrate the Spring Equinox!
Come early or late, do 1 or 108, or just sit and meditate!
Monday, March 21st, 7-9am at YIY in Mountain View.
By donation, with refreshments served afterwards.

FIRE IN THE BELLY: Cultivating the Power of the Core
A Hatha Yoga workshop with Mark Horner
Saturday and Sunday, April 9 & 10 (2-4:30 Sat, 12:30-3 Sun)
Devi Yoga, Menlo Park
$70 by April 1st; $80 thereafter

INTRODUCTION TO SANSKRIT Teacher Training at The Yoga and Movement Center, Walnut Creek
Saturday, May 7th, 12:30-6:30pm
(part of YMC teacher training program)

YOGA & CHANTING! A special workshop exploring the use of sound through chanting in your yoga practice.
Sunday, June 5th, 1-3:30pm at Devi Yoga in Menlo Park
$35 if registered by 5/29; $40 thereafter

MONDAYS
2-3:15PM Baby & Mom (pre-crawlers)
Devi Yoga, Menlo Park

TUESDAYS
9:30-11AM Iyengar & Vinyasa, Beginning
YIY, Mountain View

FRIDAYS
9:30-11AM Iyengar & Vinyasa, All Levels
YIY, Mountain View

4) This month's article: "In the Face of Anger" by Connie Habash

     Pushing the cart back to my car in the Costco parking lot, my face became hot and tears were coming to my eyes. I was a bit stunned by the intensity of my reaction, and tried to stifle the feelings. I started the engine and drove across the street to the farmer's market for some fresh vegetables. But shutting down felt against my grain. Since I had the time, I pulled out one of the spiral notebooks I just bought and began to explore what had happened with ink and paper.

     It had been a pretty relaxing morning, on a leisurely stroll through Costco to look for things I needed. I enjoyed taking my time, having the baby home with her caregiver so I didn't have to rush or worry about covering her up everytime someone sneezed.

     As I made my way towards the registers to pay for my items and leave, a woman quickly passed me and sharply cut in front of me in line. I was so surprised that I couldn't control my digust, and one of those "tsk-uh!" sounds came out of my mouth that you make when someone really annoys you. She turned and shot a glare at me, and I think I raised an eyebrow at her unconsciously. But I went over to the next register, which was just as quick.

     I was finishing up with writing my check and putting my wallet back into my purse when she paused next to my cart upon leaving and said, "You cut right in front of me turning the corner, so I didn't have any hesitancy in doing it to you," in a venemous voice. She had her forehead deeply furrowed and her eyebrows drawn together in an expression that made me a bit scared. Animosity seemed to seep from every pore.

     It's difficult enough when we have to deal with our own anger and how that affects others. But one of the most challenging experiences to deal with in life is when we are faced with someone angry at us. Few people can tolerate that kind of direct confrontation, and even fewer are able to find appropriate and helpful ways to respond. Our sense of survival is triggered and the ego defenses come immediately to their battle stations.

     Taken aback, I had a number of emotions explode to the surface at once, shock initially masking them over. "I'm sorry, I had no idea that I did that," I stammered, and while I stood there confused, she quickly and gruffly pushed her cart away.

     More emotions stabbed at me swiftly, so much so that I found myself almost sobbing, yet wrath forced itself to the surface. I wanted to be angry. What a rude thing! Still, something made me stay with the tears. It was the part of me that considered how she felt, cut off in the aisle. I hadn't even noticed her at all - yet I had obviously upset her a good deal. I was mortified. I did that to someone without even realizing it?

      Why were the tears coming up so intensely? It was just a woman having a bad day and taking it out on me. I felt myself becoming more indignant - a much more comfortable and empowering emotion. How dare she! I was innocent and didn't even know I had done that. How could she hold it against me? Couldn't she see that I had no idea that I had done anything to her? I did it unknowingly, but she intentionally cut me off. That's much worse, I thought.

    But the anger wouldn't stay, because I knew there was something else going on. Something that perhaps the universe was offering as an opportunity to grow. Bleah. And I wouldn't get the message if I indulged in being righteous. Faced with another's anger, I had lost my inner balance and needed to look deeper into the situation.

     The horror of being unconscious settled in over me. Why wasn't I paying attention? I should have been looking, although I'm uncertain where, so as not to have offended her. It was all too easy to slip into self-castigation. Underlying the righteousness was a deep fear of being a flawed, unworthy person. The situations in life that trigger the fear of somehow being bad or worthless can rear their ugly heads anytime that we meet with criticism or another's displeasure with us. When this part of the negative ego is activated, the most miniscule things can take on great importance, and we can use almost anything to flog ourselves. "I'm a terrible person for having done that!" or some variation thereof can be played over and over again in the mind, causing us to overreact and filling us with shame and doubt.

     Fortunately, I had encountered this sort of reaction before, and saw from a more balanced part of myself that, although it certainly would have been better for me to be aware of how I was pushing my cart, it shouldn't make or break someone's day that I accidentally cut in front of them. So why was I letting my worry ruin mine? I decided to sit with it a little longer and dig deeper.

     Lately, I had been noticing my ire coming up in ordinary,
everyday situations, especially while driving. I recalled the many times I had become angry, annoyed, and disgusted with the way other people drive, walk, or behaved. I'm particularly hard on them when they seem unconscious or inconsiderate. How righteous I am! Who am I to judge them, when I've made some of the same mistakes? And what a waste of my vital energy in getting upset over something as miniscule as slowing down in front of me when I'm in a hurry. I had been trying to curb this negative and pointless habit recently.

     This situation hit me much more deeply, though, from the other side. I felt the impact of the other person's righteous anger. The energy had completely set me off balance, and I allowed it to attack a very sensitive place deep inside. I realized the effect of the negative energy I had put out in the world by those indulgent angry moments. My God, I had sent out that same energy - how many other people's feelings had I hurt? The tears streamed down my face and I grabbed an old paper napkin I had tossed on the floor of my car to blow my nose.

      I wanted to find this woman in the parking lot, but to no avail. I wanted to thank her. Partially to try to stop her from being angry with me, to have her understand - but that was just to make my fragile ego feel better, and she probably couldn't have cared less. But I also wanted to thank her because she gave me a valuable lesson in awareness. Awareness of my own unconsciousness in my actions and reactions, and how they affect others. I had great remorse for the many times I may have hurt someone else. What a poignant reminder, through a relatively simple situation.

      I reflected on how yoga would address this problem. The Yoga Sutras have solutions for many of life's challenges, especially in regards to mental and emotional reactions. Patanjali, the author of the Sutras, recommends that when we encounter a person or situation that is negative - even evil - we cultivate the quality of Upeksha: equanimity. We maintain our inner balance. We don't allow others who may be mean, threatening, or behaving badly (anyone with toddlers out there?) to throw us off. Because when they do, we react; by lashing out, getting angry, becoming impatient, etc. Those reactions only compound the problem.

      Easier said than done, to be sure. The Sutras offer a further suggestion. When we meet a person who is unhappy, we cultivate the quality of Karuna, or compassion. It seemed apparent to me that a reaction as strong as this woman had towards me comes from some deeper dissatisfaction with life. If we're content and at peace, it's unlikely that another's unconsciousness would provoke such irritation. And even if it did, in a peaceful place we'd be better able to let it go. Can I, the next time, respond with compassion rather than react with irritation? Would it be possible to stay in my center and maintain my mental balance rather than allow myself to be set off by another's negativity? Sure, but I wondered how. Some step between the situation and my reaction had to be there.

      What I have found is that, if we have the awareness, the best action to take to find equanimity and compassion is inaction. In other words, pause. Stop, and notice what is happening. Look at your thoughts, emotions, and the sensations in the body. What words are wanting to come out of the mouth? If we can catch them before we do and reflect on them, we may discover that we're reacting rather than consciously responding - and that reaction may be regretted later.

      Then we can ask questions and listen to our inner answers to help us consider a better response. Upon reflection, even in the face of someone's indignation towards us, we may realize that the situation really doesn't matter that much. We may decide we have no control over others' behavior and can choose to let it go. It could become possible to look at the event from the other person's point of view, and to soften our righteousness. Compassion may well up inside us towards the other, or at least understanding. And if it really does hurt, we can soften the blow by becoming compassionate towards ourselves. Any of these options may be enough to shift us out of a chain reaction that may lead to disturbing our peace of mind and move us away from judgementalness towards others.
      For myself, at times I have been able to see how my "better than thou" attitude doesn't serve me at all, but only leads to a divisiveness between myself and others. It interferes with intimacy and begets predjudice. Certainly, that's not the way I want to be. In considering how insignificant in the "big picture" these offenses are that others do, I soften the hardness in my heart. When our hearts are softer, it shows that we are stronger within. We can deal with anything that comes our way without defensiveness, because we know that it's not really about our essence, just the perception of the circumstances. When we know our essence is good, other people's bad attitude can roll off our backs.

     Forgiveness may arise out of this reflection. It's OK if it doesn't, too. We can also forgive, yet choose NOT to forget the valuable lessons we received from the interaction. Remember what we have seen in our reactions and the potential for inner transformation that this situation has given us. To remember that it's really not that devastating when someone snaps at us, unless we allow it to be. By retaining the lesson, we can vow to let the chain of angry reactions stop with us and learn to respond with understanding to the next person.

     As I sat writing this in my car, I felt the emotions gently draining away like sand through a funnel. I was left empty, in a good way. Cleansed, and more peaceful. Although dealing with another's anger brings up a lot, staying with the feelings helps to move through them. I sighed and smiled. Now, I can finish up my shopping and go home.

5) Spiritual Quotes

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you
do are in harmony."
~ Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948)

"Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not."
~ Samuel Johnson, lexicographer (1709-1784)

"We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of
work is the same."
~ Carlos Castaneda

Blessings,
Connie

back to top