This Month's Article:

"Making peace With Contentment "
by Connie Habash

      How many times have you thought, "I'd really like to relax for a while," or "I wish my life would just calm down a bit". Most of us long for more peace in our lives - less hectic-ness, no upsets, nice and easy-going. Yet it hardly ever seems to work out that way. There's drama at work, there's challenge in our relationships, deadlines to meet, bills to pay, children making a mess, neighbors blasting music, gridlocked traffic - the list could go on.

      There's also the issue of "having it all". Whether it's getting the house we want, the relationship we've dreamed of, the perfect job, the healthy body, or even spiritual enlightenment, there's always something "out there", just out of reach, that we want. We spend a lot of time striving to get it. And it seems that what we have is never quite enough, or never just right. So besides the challenges of the external circumstances in our lives, internally we're often dissatisfied, frustrated, or impatient for things to be different.

     In contrast, when we feel satisfied with our circumstances, with what we have, and who we are, we experience contentment. This is usually what we're searching for underneath the external "stuff" - a feeling that life is pretty good, and we're generally happy. Wouldn't it be great, we think, to just sit back and be able to say, "aaahh. This is good. I like my life just as it is."

     In Sanskrit, the ancient language of India, the word for contentment is Santosha, described as one of the key components to success on the path of self-realization. It is the prerequisite to experiencing peace. TKV Desikachar, a world-renowned yoga master, describes the meaning of Santosha as accepting what happens. Simply accepting whatever life offers you and learning from it. It is also accepting ourselves just as we are. There's no need for me to be different than I am, and there's no need for my life to be any different in this moment.

     The well-known author, Helen Palmer (of books about the Enneagram, a personality typing system) describes contentment as balance: "being able to stabilize attention in the present and feeling the satisfaction of having enough." This is Santosha. It is an inner feeling of satisfaction, of fullness, in the present moment, so that the events and things of the outer world don't set us off balance. When we're in a state of Santosha, even our desires are quelled by the inner feeling of contentment. With contentment, we feel inner peace.

     Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? The problem is that most of us somehow avoid opportunities to feel contentment. If you have a free weekend, how often do you rush to try to fill it in with something? If you get a new job, how quickly does it lose its appeal? When we're single we want to be in a relationship, and when we're in one, we often long for the freedom that comes from being single. And then, internally, when we make progress -- an increase in income, developing new skill, or getting healthier - we're still not satisfied. What is so unappealing about contentment that we avoid it like the plague?

       One misconception is the idea that if we become content, we'll be bored. Nothing very interesting will be happening in our lives. And then what would everyone else think? Or how would I be able to stand it if there wasn't something "exciting"? So we decide we want a new relationship, buy a new outfit, or get involved in a drama, and it does seem more interesting - for a while. Sooner or later, we're right back to feeling frustrated, dissatisfied, or worse: depressed, hurt, or angry.

     The truth is, when we feel Santosha, life actually gets much more interesting! We begin to enjoy the simple things in life - folding the laundry, listening to the rain, smiling at someone on the street. We begin to see things differently - how abundant our lives really are, how good it feels to truly breathe, what relationships are precious to us. Contentment heightens our appreciation and experience of what is, and therefore enriches us deeply. We have less need to go out and get something new, and enjoy more of what we have. And we feel happier with who we are, because we can better see the wonderful qualities we already possess.

      On the other hand, some people turn their noses up at the idea of contentment because they fear they'll become "slackers". There's a belief that if we aren't constantly running after goals and desires, we'll just sit on our rear ends and dissolve into slugs. It's a reasonable assumption: after all, it does take energy and motivation to create our lives, and change things for the better.

      The problem is, when we have things in mind that we want to achieve, possess, or change, there is a tendency to have expectations. And you know the old saying - "expectations lead to disappointment". Sure, it would be great to have a new job. But if we're expecting to get a certain one, and then that doesn't happen, what happens to our inner peace? It can be devastating. It's great to have the idea of being healthier, but if we want our bodies to look like someone else's, and then it just doesn't come about, how do we end up feeling? Comparison and attachment to outcome can turn the good intentions of having goals for ourselves into feelings of failure and inadequacy.
 
      When we're content, it doesn't mean not to have goals in mind, things we want to strive for. The difference is that when we're in a state of Santosha, we're unattached to the results, and there's no comparison to anyone or anything else. We retain our inner balance when a relationship doesn't work out. We may grieve, but we feel grateful for the experience and open to what the universe has in store next. With any undertaking, we do our best and leave the results up to the universe, trusting that some good comes out of it.

    Contentment isn't complacency. Feeling Santosha feeds our confidence by cultivating a sense of inner well-being. From that confident and calm state, we're more likely to step into new challenges, and more apt to be successful at them. When we're in a state of balance and generally satisfied with ourselves and our lives, we're more likely to enjoy whatever life offers. We can still go on great adventures, but we may also find that weeding the garden is deeply satisfying, too. We become open to outcome, rather than fixed on one particular result. Contentment actually opens us up to explore and experience more in life. 

     When someone doesn't act they way we want them to, from a place of Santosha we can more easily let it go, and thus are more capable to respond appropriately to the situation.  And perhaps the greatest benefit - "failures" no longer get us down.  We simply see them as one stepping stone on the path to the next.  Getting laid off doesn't have to be the end of our lives: not only may a better, more fulfilling job come along, but it just may be the beginning of living!  We no longer define ourselves by what has happened in the past, or what we haven't yet experienced. We become whole and complete for who we are in the moment.  That is a feeling of contentment.

    Contentment is not equal to boredom or stagnancy. In fact, it will deeply enrich your life. So invite it in, practice it, even in your most challenging moments. No, it may not be easy to cultivate, but when you do, a feeling of inner peace will follow. Allow yourself to savor the sweetness of Santosha, and you'll find yourself deeply satisfied with much of what life has to offer.

Copyright ©2001, 2009 by Constance L. Habash

SUBBING ON SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7TH at YiY in Mountain View from 12-1:30pm for Julianne's class.  Beginner level, but all are welcome!

NEW CLASSES FOR THE NEW YEAR!  
        I am excited to be adding new classes and events to my schedule in January:

     THURSDAYS, 9:30-11am    
            Beginners (Gentle and Restorative)
            A slow and gentle yoga class. Emphasis is on 
             opening the joints, easy stretches, restorative 
             poses, and relaxation.
             $15 drop-in, or a regular YiY series
     
      FRIDAYS,  11:15-11:45am   
             Meditation (with pranayama and  relaxation) 
             Stay after Friday am class, or drop in just for
             pranayama, meditation,and              relaxation.            
      $5 drop-in or use your YIY MONTHLY UNLIMITED            plan

     Both at Yoga is Youthfulness in Mountain View     

Winter can't be denied.  Much as we'd like to pretend it's a balmy spring day or a warm summer afternoon, the bitter wind stings the eyes and our hands feel like ice.  If we live where there's snow, we can try backing the car out the driveway, hoping it will plow the way through the white piles, or accept the reality that it's better to just shovel the snow and clear the way, rather than getting stuck for good.  Even here in sunny and mild California, we feel the change during winter and respond appropriately.        That's what winter calls forth in us: the acceptance of reality and the appropriate response. Life is the way it is, in every given moment. It's easy to accept this when things are good. But wintertime challenges us in many ways. The cold, stormy, unpredictable weather forces us to layer our clothes, protect our extremities, chop the wood, pay more for our heating bills, and stock up on necessities for those days we can't leave the house. By necessity, we recognize what nature demands of us and then change our behavior correspondingly.     The reality of winter is sometimes stark.  Barren trees fill the orchard, their dark, pointed forms rising sharply from the snowy mantle covering the soil, harshly contrasted against the bright, clear winter sun.  This stark reality may be revealed in your life right now, too.  As a blizzard may be raging outside your cabin in Lake Tahoe or your apartment in Manhattan, you may find a blizzard of bills arriving in the mailbox to bring attention to your spending habits.  An injury, new or old, will not let you continue to ignore or abuse your body.  Outbursts of rage make the underlying tension, fear, or sorrow undeniable and call for us to deal with these emotions directly and promptly.  Winter doesn't mince words and won't wait for a more convenient time to make its voice known.      How many of us have run at that hectic pace until we simply burned out?  If we never had a wintertime, our planet would experience the same thing.  Nature knows that a time of rest and reflection is essential to growth and well-being, even if it looks stagnant in the short term.     Yet this ruthless taskmaster offers us a great gift amidst its strict manner -- clarity and truthfulness. We are no longer under our self-imposed delusions: we see things as they are. This is the practice of Satya, the recognition of Truth. The weight of our denial and avoidance, which becomes heavier the more we run from reality, is lifted. This brings lightness to our hearts, allowing ourselves to feel the grief we've long suppressed, and to accept, yes, it's time to get my health in order. Now.       Allow this refreshing time of honesty and clarity to turn yourself inward, seeing yourself as you are. To accept the good and the bad, the pleasant and unpleasant, with frankness. It is when we see reality as it is that we can respond in a way that serves our highest good. Clarity allows us to take right action. When we know our health is suffering and really get it, down to our bones, we'll get off our butt and exercise or change our diet. If winter brings to light that our emotions are running and ruining our lives, we'll make the call and see a counselor or a friend for help. The cold season humbles us so that we recognize: yes, we, too, are imperfect human beings. Rather than avoiding our imperfections, we can embrace them with acceptance and give them the support they need.      Surprisingly, when we allow ourselves to humbly accept our own personal reality, the possibility for greater happiness arises. Because we can simply be who we are. No more pretense, trying to dress up our wintertime challenges as springtime daffodils. We can begin to see the beauty of our true self, rather than who we've been pretending or trying to be.      This new authenticity exposes aspects of yourself you may have overlooked. Think of the things you see in the winter that you didn't notice before: the squirrel's nest in the oak tree, hidden amongst the summer foliage; the shape of the trunk and its vast network of branches; the gnarled root system, with its bumps and turns, spread out through the lawn. Our inner foundations are brought to the surface of our awareness for an overhaul in the cold season. Imagine what other qualities lie within you, waiting to be revealed when the snow melts and the possibilities of spring burst forth from the seemingly barren earth. When the first flowers emerge from their bulbs, you may then see the strength, joy, health, inspiration, and motivation that lay within the bare bones of yourself.      The same orchard scene can then be perceived anew. What were once harsh lines reveal themselves as clear contrasts. Dark, wrinkled bark next to brilliant blue sky. Pointed twigs, tiny buds emerging, hang over round, snow-glazed bushes. The hardness of the tree trunk brushes the soft, sparkling mantle of white. Winter exposes the line and form, the bare bones of nature and ourselves. A new beauty unfolds in seeing life with clarity and unabashed honesty. Accept this reality and open yourself to a clear vision not only of the present moment, but of the coming springtime in your life.    ©2009 by Constance L. Habash