Awakening Self: This month's Newsletter by Connie Habash

This Month's Article:

"Acceptance"
by Connie Habash

It's fascinating to me that, having written this article originally nine years ago, a similar rash has returned recently - and a similar need for acceptance! ~ Connie

For weeks, it's been itching. From time to time, I hardly even notice, butthen on a hot day, or upon waking in the morning, the temptation to scratch isalmost unbearable. There's not reallyanything visible to the naked eye, but regardless, I know the reality: I have a rash. I've tried various methods of healing thisproblem, but it just hasn't completely gone away.

Besides the desire to stop the itching, I wanted to know why. What created this mess? Did I do something to irritate the skin? Is this some sort of karmic payback? How did I create it? For many of us who are on a spiritual path, we learn to take responsibility for what occurs in our lives. There's a tendency to look at everything that happens as something "I created" - "I" am somehow responsible for this, maybe on a mental/psychological emotional level. I whipped out Louise Hay's book, "You Can Heal Your Life", as I'm wont to do with any physical ailment, and looked to see what she indicated the psychological cause was. Hmmm, well, interesting, but didn't bring any great realizations or ring a bell.

It occurred to me that all the figuring out in the world wasn't necessarily going to make my rash go away, and perhaps I should change my tactics. It was time to accept that, hey, I have a rash, and I must deal with it, as unpleasant as it is. Often in my life I resisted truly accepting something that's happened- a dent on my car, losing something I'm attached to, or catching a cold. With all the energy put into figuring out the deep metaphysical causes, I could have simply accepted what's there and dealt with the issue.

When we're young children and we get sick, trip and fall, or get stung by a bee, it's kind of shocking. We don't expect that from the world, and we certainly don't analyze it. We cry to mommy, assume it will go away at some point, and wait until it does - grudgingly, but we at least understand it's out of our control. It has happened to us, and we accept it.

As we grow a little older, our perspective of these events becomes affected by our emotions and previous experiences of problems. We get mad at ourselves for it happening. We feel guilty about it, or blame others - something or someone is responsible, and it's usually us. We end up feeling bad about getting injured or sick. Why am I sick? Why me??? Am I a bad boy/girl? Am I being punished? Sometimes, we receive a lot of attention for the injury or mishap, and reveling in it. We may have learned that the only way we get attention, be it good or bad,is when we're either sick or in trouble. So, all this other stuff gets attached to the simple fact that we've caught a bug or skinned our knee.

Developing into a young adult, we add the layer of responsibility - darn, I didn't get enough rest, and now I've got that flu. I knew I should have stayed away from that coworker, who came into the office sneezing. I must not have eaten right, washed my hands enough,you name it. If I had just not gone skiing, or not gone down that run, I wouldn't have this sprained ankle. We beat ourselves up more and get frustrated, angry - I don't have time for this!!! All the while, we still have the sprained ankle or an illness, and that needs to be cared for.

Now we add the final layer - the new age, "I create everything on a deep psycho-spiritual level" theory, and our worries compound. Why, oh why did the door in my car get dented - is my deep-rooted anger coming out in an unexpressed way by someone slamming into my car? Am I getting this stomach ache because I haven't forgiven people in my life, and now it's manifesting in my body? How did I attract these awful neighbors into my life who keep me up at all hours of the night? It must be all my creation, I'm responsible, and oh, how do I change this energy and manifest the kind of neighbors I want. The old "everything happens for a reason" rears its head, and sometimes we use this as a way to blame ourselves and beat ourselves up. Honestly, if you're already having a lousy headache, do you think beating yourself up over it will help you feel better? The worry, frustration, anxiety, anger - at self or others - all get in the way of what we really need to do, which is care for ourselves and the problem itself. And it robs us of the peace that comes from acceptance of the moment.

There's nothing wrong with looking at our own part in how things happen in our lives. Yes, maybe we need more rest. Sure, there may be people we haven't forgiven, and that affects our bodies. But relax a little, and let go the self-blame, the analyzing, the worrying. It was actually relieving for me to stop for a moment and say: I have a rash. That's just how it is. And I can accept that.

The truth is, life happens. We get rashes. We get colds sometimes. Unpleasant things happen from time to time. There seems to be this unexpressed belief for some of us that,if we're conscious, trying to evolve spiritually, and if we're really doing it "right", then somehow we're not supposed to get sick or have bad things happen to us anymore. Or, at least they should only happen for a day or two. Because after all, we're co-creating everything, and now that we're consciously co-creating, we'll only be co-creating good stuff. Right? And if it's not all great stuff, then we must be messing up, or not doing it good enough, right?

Well, not exactly. Isn't that simply another form of "I'm a good girl/boy" or "I'm a bad girl/boy?" I'd like to change the "I'm responsible for everything/everything happens for a reason" idea to: life happens,and there's an opportunity to learn from everything. Some of it we co-create, or happens from karma. And some of it, I think, just happens. And we get to learn from that. How can we look at the situation we're in as an opportunity to learn, rather than something we need to analyze and then blame ourselves (or someone else) for? How would we experience these things differently if we simply accepted what happens, relax into it, and see what we can experience from it?

It's been quite revealing for me, with this rash, to look at it in the mirror in the morning, and just say to myself, "hmmm, I still have this rash. I can accept that." I still put on the paste that I'm doing for its treatment. I'm still keeping it clean, cool, and dry. I'm doing what I need to in order to help it heal. But how refreshing to let go of my struggle about it. To stop worrying, to stop blaming myself, to stop analyzing why it came and why it's still there. Every morning I look, it's still there, and I accept. It's teaching me trust and patience. I know that it's highly unlikely that I'll have this condition the rest of my life. And even if I did, I could live with it, when I consider that other people live with being blind, being destitute, losing a limb, all manner of things. I put my rash in perspective. I realize that the great gift in this is that it reminds me that I'm still peaceful inside, in spite of my rash, if I allow myself to be. All things change,and if I'm patient and do what I need to take care of it, the rash will change in its own time.

We can learn to deal with the things in life from this place of acceptance. Not that we like or want these things to happen, but here they are: how we respond is the key. We can choose to react from frustration, anger, fear, anxiety, worry - or we can choose to accept and make an appropriate response. Many spiritual teachers have exemplified this - the Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, Amma, and Nelson Mandela, just to name a few. All of whom went through tremendous difficulties,pain, and problems. They accepted their situations as they were, and responded appropriately, from the heart. They didn't ignore their problems, blame themselves, or condone the circumstances, but even as they took appropriate action, they accepted what arose in the moment. They maintained their inner peace. If they can do that while imprisoned, while exiled, while beaten and downtrodden, I think I can do that with this rash.