Awakening Self: This month's Newsletter by Connie Habash

This Month's Article:

"Embracing Humility "
by Connie Habash

I was just beginning to feel strong again, after my ordeals with the flu in April. Steadily, I built up my yoga practice and supported it with some regular time at the gym. I felt some pride in how my body was strengthening. Then, out of the blue, yet another humbling event put me back at square one: the simple act of opening a door tore my big toenail clean off. As I hobbled about for a few weeks, helpless at the limitation this seemingly insignificant injury created, I had to surrender my ego and impatience and wait until my body healed enough to start my practice over once more. Yet another lesson in humility.

For the last year or so humility has been an ongoing theme in my life, primarily through my body -- neck injuries, back injuries, illnesses, and my recently ripped-off toenail. It certainly put my yoga practice into a whole new realm: one of much less intensity and more being, more presence. Meditation has been stepped up quite a bit, for the injuries have forced me to slow down and stop, let go of my attachment to any particular poses, and certainly to let go of looking good.

My spiritual path has been one opportunity after another to learn about this uncomfortable and unfamiliar quality. For many years, I didn't think humility was very important and never gave it much thought at all. I associated it with humiliation, which indeed wasn't positive (and which I had too much experience of in my early years). But by my late twenties, it became clear that I had to learn how to change from being humiliated to being humble, which was no small task.

What is humility, or humbleness, anyway? The dictionary offers these definitions: absence of pride or self-assertion; to lower oneself in pride; make modest or humble in mind. There are some less desirable definitions, too, but these are the ones I'm interested in. Humility is about letting go of pride, which translates as letting go of the ego. The ego is that which gives us the sense of I-am-ness -- the yogic concept of Asmita, one of the causes of affliction according to the Yoga Sutras. This is the idea that I am "me" and this is "mine." Pride, however, takes the sense of "me" and "mine" a step further: to the sense of I --am -- betterness.

Pride often is accompanied by comparison, a comparison that puts us above others. This comparison has ramifications. When we believe we have a skill or quality that is superior to someone else's, it distances us. This attitude pulls us away from relationship, putting a wall between ourselves and others, a wall that says "this is mine, not yours, and mine is better." When we get pulled into pride, our humanness and interconnection with the world is repelled, like the opposite side of a magnet. We know what it's like to be around someone full of pride -- it's quite annoying and unpleasant.

As you can predict, another outcome of pride -- of thinking ourselves as better than others -- is the flip side of the coin. We can't avoid occasionally feeling the short end of the stick when we get stuck in pride. Sooner or later, we're going to worry that someone else has a better job, does a more beautiful yoga pose, makes more money, seems happier, is more attractive, etc. You can be certain that if you're feeling better than someone, you're eventually going to feel less than another. Hence, my fluctuation for years between being prideful and feeling humiliated.

As a child, I often looked out my window at night. Seeing the vast expanse of stars, I felt wonder and humbleness. I was clearly in this big, huge universe that I knew very little about, and I was minute within the big scope of things. In contrast to this feeling, I often would simultaneously feel something big within me wanting to come out. Something that would touch others, that was special. I would cry with this feeling, both from excitement about the possibility of what that was, and from the feeling of not being worthy of such a gift, being a small, insignificant thing.

What unfolded from that experience was a dichotomy of feeling "I am special/I am pathetic", which didn't serve me too well on finding my path. The "I am special" feeling helped me through some tough stuff, but was also the secret cover up of the fear that I'm really pathetic. I went through times where I was overconfident and assumed I was right, and then I'd swing back to big insecurities, feeling like nothing I did mattered or was good enough. Ironically, I was humiliated because I lacked humility. There certainly had to be another way, and if I was destined to make a contribution to the world, it wasn't going to come from either of those places inside me.

I came to the conclusion that there must be some middle way. Or some other way entirely. If I was to overcome the feeling of "I am pathetic," that I had to somehow convert this feeling of "I am special" from something exclusive and pompous to something more inclusive, receptive, and, well, humble.

So I sat and wondered, how am I supposed to practice humility and yet at the same time have confidence in what I do? Having come from the school of "humility is hitting oneself over the head", I was confused. I had always believed, coming from the I-am-pathetic side of the equation, that if I wasn't proud of myself, then I must be ashamed of myself. Humility was about the "we're not worthy" idea -- I will bow down to everyone else because I'm so very insignificant and worthless.

It may not come as a surprise to you that this I'm-so-worthless attitude is just the other side of the same "pride" coin. There's actually a bit of pride in the practice of "how low can you go". Yes, I am so very humble that I am a much more humble and self-effacing person than you are. Or, no one is as pathetic as me. The ego enjoys the feeling that they have the corner on the market with something, even if it's being the most pathetic. And the idea of being more humble or modest than someone else is, well, rather humorous (as well as a contradiction in itself!). I had to redefine humility and embrace it.

It became clear that true humility and confidence go together. We have to divorce the idea that confidence is about ego, and humility is about self-negation. Confidence is not about self-aggrandizement, thinking that you're the best. It's about trust and certainty in the process.

When I speak in public or teach a class, I don't fill myself with the belief that I'm the best speaker or teacher there ever was. That feeds the ego and sets one up for disappointment: if anything isn't up to that standard (and you can be sure something won't be), you swing back to the "I'm so pathetic" frame of mind. What I do attempt to cultivate in my mind is trust in the process. I am here for a reason, giving this class for a purpose, and I trust that it is working out for the good of all that are here, including myself. With that certainty in the value of that moment, I have confidence.

That trust involves placing myself in the hands of something greater. When I teach, or work with a client, I hand it over to the Divine. I allow what wants to be shared and expressed to flow through me. This is humility -- recognizing that something bigger than us, that isn't our small self, is coming through, and to step out of the way. We can't take credit for more than allowing the process to happen. Like an artist or an athlete, we prepare ourselves in body, mind, and spirit for running a race or embarking on a new painting. But the great performers then set their egos to the side and just let it flow. It is in those moments that something extraordinary happens. When we are truly humble.

The greatest spiritual teachers in our age are filled with the blending of these two qualities. When I'm in the presence of Amma, I am always struck by how fully present she is, how fully giving, loving, and confident she is in what she does. But she has no investment in any of it. She gives her hug completely to one person, and then is on to the next. She doesn't stop to look at their reaction, as I might when my ego wants some validation. She is completely in the flow, and has no personal attachment to any of her actions. The Dalai Lama also exemplifies the union of confidence and humility. His kindness and compassion to all shines through, while he also has clarity and power in his teachings. He surrenders himself fully to the will of the Divine.

Every time I return to my yoga mat, I do my best to put aside what I think I should accomplish and check in with what wants to be expressed. I attune myself to my body's needs, and follow their cues, rather than an agenda that may not be in the best interest of where my body is. When I'm able to practice in this way, it flows naturally. I feel joy and strength. I feel surrender and peace. When I'm in a humble place, I emerge from my mat fulfilled, yet not full of myself.

We must embrace humility to find our inner fulfillment, and to progress on the spiritual path. Only when humility and confidence in a greater Presence come together do we experience our strength, empowerment, and gifts. Trusting the process, we are naturally humbled by it, and confident that it continues to carry us towards our greatest good and highest transformation.

The heat of summer can take the energy out of the most active person, sometimes to the extent that we don't even feel like doing a yoga practice. We feel like being lazy dogs, hanging out on the back porch.

This is especially true during that sleepy mid-afternoon time, around 3:00pm. Don't you feel like having a nap right about now? I sure do. Many cultures have afternoon naps as part of their daily routine - they even close their businesses during this part of the day to accommodate that. And there is wisdom to this reduction in activity during the summer: on those hot days, rigorous exercise isn't wise. The body and mind need cooling and calming to attain balance. Some rest on a hot afternoon is appropriate.

But of course, we all know what else goes through our heads - I don't have the time! We're in such a rush-rush, "get more and more done" kind of society that we feel resting for any period of time is lazy, or even irresponsible. Yet recent studies on sleep suggest that almost everyone in the western world is sleep deprived. When our culture was more naturally attuned to the rhythms of nature (particularly when we depended more on farming for our daily sustenance), people typically got 8-10 hours of sleep. Now we're lucky if we get 6 or 7.

Even when we're feeling tired, some of us love a challenging yoga practice, and hot summers days throw us into a quandary. We're compelled to push through and do the usual, even if we feel "burned out". We also know that flexibility is enhanced when it's warmer. Can we work with our natural flexibility at this time of year without overdoing? Can we take the time to rest when we feel overheated, yet still maintain our practice?

Yes, indeed, we can. We can do "lazy yoga" on those sleepy, hot days. But it isn't really lazy -- only our mind perceives it that way. Summertime is perfect for shifting the focus from a more "yang", or active style of practice, to a more "yin", or passive practice. It's the right time to explore a way of doing yoga that focuses on the effortless release in each pose. There are two styles of yoga -- Yin Yoga and Restorative Yoga -- that allow you to passively relax while gently opening the body and mind, and they can even be practiced during the heat of the day. A "yogic naptime", if you will.

Afternoons were practically made for Restorative poses. This is a practice of conscious resting - letting the body relax and the mind be peaceful, but not asleep. It's said that 20 minutes of a restorative has the same renewing effect on the body and mind as an hour of sleep. Each restorative pose is supported, through the use of blankets, bolsters, and other props, so that the body can relax fully. Rather than focusing on "stretching", as many yoga practitioners do, the aim of Restorative yoga is to soften, open, and release. It renews depleted energy, and bolsters the immune system. Not only does restorative yoga have a calming and cooling effect on the body, but most yogis find that after a few restoratives (held for 5-20 minutes each), meditation comes more easily. It has a tremendous impact on calming the mind.

The simplest restorative pose that most of us are familiar with is Savasana - lying flat on your back, consciously letting go of tension. Judith Lasater, author of "Relax and Renew: Restful Yoga for Stressful Times" says that we all should take 20 minutes a day to do nothing. Nothing. That idea can bring up anxiety for some of us - nothing? What will I do while I'm doing nothing?!! And that's the idea - we have forgotten how to simply BE.

You'd be surprised how much 20 minutes of simply "BE-ing" can renew you. Try this out, at home or in the office: sit on your chair and put a pillow, if possible, on your lap. Bend over the pillow and let your head and arms hang for a few minutes, or rest the head on a desk or table. This relaxes strained back muscles, releases neck tension, and calms the body and mind. Simple, but so refreshing!

There are several kinds of restoratives you can explore: supported hip-openers (put a blanket or pillow under each bent knee in Reclining Cross-Legged pose, or in Supta Baddha Konanasa), forward and back bends (try blankets or pillows under your chest for seated forward bends, and or under your back with shoulders on the floor for Supported Bridge Pose), even twists. An especially good restorative for the summertime is Viparita Karani, "Legs Up the Wall pose". Then, finish up with at least 5 minutes of Savasana, lying on your back. Allow the mind to be calm and present to the sensation of relaxing, knowing that you'll have time afterwards to deal with what needs to be done. You may find that you're more effective at whatever tasks lie ahead after the mind is refreshed and your body renewed by taking time to rest.

The other style of passive practice is called Yin Yoga, which typically consists of a few poses held "rag-doll" style for several minutes each. As you focus on letting go into a pose for this period of time, the connective tissues of the body receive maximum benefit.

Yin poses are largely unsupported, in contrast to the heavy use of props in restorative poses, and they aren't necessarily relaxing or gentle! While more active styles of Yoga are working to stretch muscles, the more passive style of Yin Yoga opens up the viscous tissues that connect muscle to bone, and organs to each other. In essence, connective tissue makes up the fascia that keeps each part of the body connected to the rest. These connective tissues can become sticky and fixed, and may contribute to an overall feeling of tightness that isn't solely muscular.

Since Yin poses often allow the body to drape without the support of blankets or other props, the sensations can range from moderate to very intense, even though you're being passive. Yin Yoga may not be appropriate for beginners or people who have injuries (and it's contraindicated for pregnancy) - better to start out with supported, gentle opening. It takes a good amount of knowledge of your body to do Yin-style poses safely. Once you're fairly experienced in yoga practice, you'll know if an intense sensation is hurtful or helpful.

I love Yin-style practice to open my spine. You can start out with "Seal" pose, a backbend similar to Cobra, or Bhujangasana. Remember that with yin-style, the aim is to remain in the posture passively, letting go of trying to "get somewhere" in the pose. Support your torso in an arch with your straight arms (or lower the forearms to the floor for a gentler version), allowing the spine to hang into its natural arch. Breathe into it for 1-2 minutes, and release.

Then, follow it up with releasing the back of the spine. My favorite is Butterfly pose -- similar to Baddha Konasana, the bound-angle pose. Sit with the knees bent, soles of the feet together. Rather than pulling the feet into the groin like in Baddha Konasana, have the feet out in front of you about 2 feet. Allow the spine to drape over, the head hanging down towards the toes, and relax. Let the back of the spine release for a few minutes. Then, very slowly, roll the spine up. Just a few minutes of yin poses can renew the body and mind, releasing pent up energy from areas of tension.

However much time you allow yourself to rest on these blazing days, try to shift how you view "downtime". Rest and relaxation are essential to life. Our bodies need rest to replenish exhausted muscles, cleanse toxins, digest, and heal injury. Without periods of rest, our minds become cloudy and agitated, overwhelmed with the stressors of life. It is during that space between projects and busy-ness that creativity often emerges. And our most precious moments with children and loved ones are often while we're lying on the grass, looking up at the squirrels in the oak tree and the clear blue sky beyond it. Let yourself be a little "lazy" and see the value of doing nothing from time to time. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you for it.