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"ACCEPTANCE"
— by Connie Habash
I always attempt to write
from my personal experience
- what's really true for me
in the moment. So last night
I tuned into what is present
for me. And that happens to
be a rash. Yep. One of those
itchy, uncomfortable skin
things that shows up usually
in a place that is quite inconvenient
to have it (of course, where
is it that it's convenient
to have a rash, hmmm??). Well,
there's something.
It's
been going on for a month.
Many of you can probably
understand that I wanted
to know why. What created
this mess? Did I do something
to irritate the skin? Is
this some sort of karmic
payback? How did I create
it? For many of us who are
on some sort of spiritual
path, there's a tendency
to look at everything that
happens as something "I
created" - "I" am somehow
responsible for this, maybe
on a mental/psychological
emotional level. I whipped
out Louise Hay's book, "You
Can Heal Your Life", as
I'm wont to do with any
physical ailment, and looked
to see what she indicated
the psychological cause
was. Hmmm, well, interesting,
but didn't set off any great
realizations or ring a bell.
It
occurred to me that all
the figuring out in the
world wasn't necessarily
going to make my rash go
away, and that maybe it's
time to change my tactics.
Perhaps it was time to accept
that, hey, I have a rash,
and it's time to just deal
with it, as unpleasant as
it is. So many times in
my life I resisted truly
accept something that's
happened - maybe it's a
dent on my car, maybe it's
losing something I'm attached
to, or catching a cold.
With all the energy put
into trying to figure out
the deep metaphysical causes,
I could have been just accepting
what's there and dealing
with the issue.
When we're young children
and we get sick, trip and
fall, or get stung by a
bee, it's kind of shocking.
We just don't expect that
from the world, and we certainly
don't really analyze it.
We cry to mommy, and expect
it to go away at some point,
and basically just wait
til it does - grudgingly,
but we at least understand
it's out of our control.
It's happened to us. As
we grow a little older,
the conditioning of the
world has set in, and then
we get mad at our selves
for it happening, or feel
guilty, or blame others
- something or someone is
responsible, and it's usually
us. We end up feeling bad
about getting injured or
sick. Why am I sick? Why
me??? Am I a bad boy/girl?
Am I being punished? Or
maybe we end up reveling
in the attention - we've
learned that the only way
we get attention, be it
good or bad, is when we're
either sick or in trouble.
So all this other stuff
gets attached to the simple
fact that we've caught a
bug.
Developing
into a young adult, we add
the layer of responsibility
- darn, I didn't get enough
rest, and now I've got that
flu. I knew I should have
stayed away from that coworker,
who came in to the office
sneezing. I must not have
eaten right, washed my hands
enough, you name it. If
I had just not gone skiing,
or not gone down that run,
I wouldn't have this sprained
ankle. We beat ourselves
up more and get frustrated,
angry - I don't have time
for this!!! All the while,
we still have the sprained
ankle or a bug, and that
needs to be cared for.
Now we add the final layer
- the new age, "I create
everything on a deep psychological
level" theory, and our worries
compound. Why, oh why did
the door in my car get dented
- is my deep-rooted anger
coming out in an unexpressed
way by someone slamming
into my car? Am I getting
this stomach ache because
I haven't forgiven people
in my life, and now it's
manifesting in my body?
How did I attract these
awful neighbors into my
life who keep me up at all
hours of the night? It must
be all my creation, I'm
responsible, and oh, how
do I change this energy
and manifest the kind of
neighbors I want. The old
"everything happens for
a reason" rears it's head,
and sometimes we use this
as a way to blame ourselves
and beat ourselves up. Honestly,
if you're already having
a lousy headache, do you
think beating yourself up
over it will help you feel
better? The worry, frustration,
anxiety, anger - at self
or others - all get in the
way of what we really need
to do, which is care for
ourselves and the problem
itself. And it robs us of
the peace that comes from
acceptance of the moment.
There's nothing wrong with
looking at our own part
in how things happen in
our lives. Yes, maybe we
need more rest. Sure, there
may be people we haven't
forgiven, and that affects
our bodies. But relax a
little, and let go the self-blame,
the analyzing, the worrying.
It was actually relieving
for me to stop for a moment
and say: I have a rash.
That's just how it is. And
I can accept that. The truth
is, life happens. We get
rashes. We get colds sometimes.
Unpleasant things happen
from time to time. There
seems to be this unexpressed
belief for some of us that,
if we're conscious, trying
to evolve spiritually, and
if we're really doing it
"right", then somehow we're
not supposed to get sick
or have bad things happen
to us anymore. Or, at least
they should only happen
for a day or two, ya know?
Because after all, we're
co-creating everything,
and now that we're consciously
co-creating, we'll only
be co-creating good stuff.
Right? And if it's not all
great stuff, then we must
be messing up, or not doing
it good enough, right?
Well, not exactly. Isn't
that just another form of
"I'm a good girl/boy" or
"I'm a bad girl/boy?" I'd
like to change the "I'm
responsible for everything/everything
happens for a reason" idea
to: life happens, and there's
an opportunity to learn
from everything. Some of
it we co-create, or happens
from karma. And some of
it, I think, just happens.
And we get to learn from
that. How can we look at
the situation we're in as
an opportunity to learn,
rather than something we
need to analyze and then
blame ourselves for? How
would we experience these
things differently if we
simply accepted what happens,
relax into it, and see what
we can experience from it?
It's been quite revealing
for me, with this rash,
to look at it in the mirror
in the morning, and just
say to myself, "hmmm, I
still have this rash. I
can accept that." I still
put on the paste that I'm
doing for it's treatment.
I'm still keeping it clean,
cool, and dry. I'm doing
what I need to in order
to treat it. But how refreshing
to let go of my struggle
about it. To stop worrying,
to stop blaming myself,
to stop analyzing why it
came and why it's still
there. Every morning I look,
it's still there, and I
accept. It's teaching me
trust and patience. I know
that it's highly unlikely
that I'll have this condition
the rest of my life. And
even if I did, I could live
with it, when I consider
that other people live with
being blind, being destitute,
losing a limb, all manner
of things. I put my rash
in perspective. I realize
that the great gift in this
is that it reminds me that
I'm still peaceful inside,
in spite of my rash, if
I allow myself to be. All
things change, and if I'm
patient and do what I need
to take care of it, the
rash will change in its
own time.
We can learn to deal with
the things in life from
this place of acceptance.
Not that we like these things
to happen, but here they
are - how we respond is
the key. We can choose to
react from frustration,
anger, fear, anxiety, worry
- or we can choose to accept
and make an appropriate
response. I think of so
many spiritual teachers
who have exemplified this
- the Dalai Lama, Mahatma
Gandhi, Ammachi, Nelson
Mandela, and many others.
All of whom went through
tremendous difficulties,
pain, problems. They accepted
their situations as they
were, and gave the appropriate
response from the heart.
They didn't ignore their
problems, blame themselves,
or condone the circumstances,
but even as they took appropriate
action, they accepted what
arose in the moment. They
maintained their inner peace.
If they can do that while
imprisoned, while exiled,
while beaten and downtrodden,
I think I can do that with
this rash.
Copyright
2001 by Constance L. Habash