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"Change your mind, not the circumstances"
— by Connie Habash
I was recently
on a trip across country, and ran into those dreaded travel problems. We were
told we would have a delay for take off, which turned into 2 hours of sitting
on the runway, and then missed connections, more delays, and having to stay
the night at the airport hotel at my destination.
Of course, we've all had similar experiences
- things don't always go the way we want them to! And it can range in effect
from being annoying to being terrifying. How we respond to these situations
can make all the difference in the world. One of my spiritual teachers, Amma,
describes 4 ways that we can deal with the challenging circumstances in our
lives.
One way is that we can complain. Oh, isn't
this terrible and awful, and how miserable I am that I have to put up with
this. This attitude puts us in the place of the victim, not only powerless,
but passive - we can't do anything about it, so we might as well suffer (and
let everyone know how much we're suffering!).
The second way is to want to make it go away.
Oh please, God, just fix this or that, just make it go away, so everything
can be all better. Sure, it would be a lot easier in our lives if these pesky
problems would just disappear. But again, this is a powerless position - assuming
that the only way to deal with it is to, effectively, not deal with it. We
don't grow with this kind of attitude, but only stay in what we perceive as
our safe little range of capability.
Third, we can curse it. How dare you be that
way! I hate this! Someone's going to pay for this - and unfortunately, we
are the ones that end up paying. By carrying around this kind of anger, resentment,
and hatred, we not only ruin the possibility of enjoying the other things
or people in our lives that are good and wonderful, but we make sure that
everyone else pays for our upset, too. We can ruin the day of any stranger,
let alone a loved one, with an unkind word or attitude, simply from indulging
in our negative attitude. How many of us have been affected by others who
carry this sort of anger at life around?
The last way to respond to the difficulties
and frustrations of life, according to Amma, is to change our attitude. To
decide that rather than complain, try to avoid, or curse what is and can't
be changed, we can choose to accept the circumstances and do what we can to
make the best of it. We can ask for the strength to endure it rather than
being victims. We can affirm that we'll make it through this, and we'll be
stronger for it. And sometimes, we can even be open to the possibility that
there's a positive purpose for our temporary malaise.
Because of the delays in flights, I had a wonderful
opportunity to get to know two great human beings on those delayed flights.
I had the time to connect with others and find common spiritual ground with
people who lived on the other side of the country from me. This was inspirational
and encouraging and I, for one, am grateful for those delays, and glad that
I could accept and roll with the frustration of waiting, being open to what
opportunities the delays might bring my way.
We can't always change our external circumstances,
but we always have a choice as to how we respond to those circumstances, as
hard as it is to do sometimes. When we realize we have that choice, we are
more empowered, and can take what steps are available to improving the situation.
When all of those steps are taken, we can embrace that we have done our best.
We can then be at peace within, knowing that we are strong enough to endure
the situation and that things will get better.
Of course, when there was turbulence on the
plane, it was a little more challenging to change my attitude... I prayed
really hard for the courage to deal with that!
©2004 by Connie Habash