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"Making
Peace with Contentment"
— by Connie Habash
How
many times have you heard
it said "I'd really
like to relax for a while"
or "I wish my life
would just calm down a bit".
Most of us long for more
peace in our lives - less
hectic-ness, no upsets,
nice and easy-going. Yet
it hardly ever seems to
work out that way. There's
drama at work, there's challenge
in our relationships, deadlines
to meet, bills to pay, children
making a mess, neighbors
blasting music, gridlocked
traffic - the list could
go on.
Then
there's the issue of "having
it all". Whether it's
to get the house we want,
the relationship we've dreamed
of, the perfect job, the
healthy body, or even spiritual
enlightenment - there's
always something "out
there", just out of
our reach, that we want.
We spend a lot of time striving
to get it. And it seems
that what we have is never
quite enough, or never just
right. So besides the challenges
of the external circumstances
in our lives, internally
we're often dissatisfied,
frustrated, or impatient
for things to be different.
When
we can be satisfied with
our circumstances and with
what we have and are, we
experience contentment.
This is usually what we're
searching for underneath
the external "stuff"
- a feeling that everything
is pretty good, and we're
generally happy. Wouldn't
it be great, we think, to
just sit back and be able
to say, "aaahh. This
is good. I like my life
just as it is."
In
Sanskrit, the ancient language
of India, the word for contentment
is Santosha, and it's described
as one of the key components
to success on the path of
self-realization. It's the
prerequisite to experiencing
peace. TKV Desikachar, a
world-renowned yoga master,
describes the meaning of
Santosha as accepting what
happens. Simply accepting
whatever life offers you,
and learning from it. It
is also accepting ourselves
just as we are. There's
no need for me to be different
than I am, and there's no
need for my life to be any
different in this moment.
The
well-known author, Helen
Palmer (of books about the
Enneagram, a personality
typing system) describes
contentment as balance:
"being able to stabilize
attention in the present
and feeling the satisfaction
of having enough."
This is Santosha. It's about
an inner feeling of satisfaction,
of fullness, in the present
moment, so that the events
and things of the outer
world don't set us off balance.
When we're in a state of
Santosha, even our desires
are quelled by the inner
feeling of contentment.
With contentment, we can
feel inner peace.
Sounds
wonderful, doesn't it? The
problem is, most of us somehow
avoid opportunities to feel
contentment. If you have
a free weekend, how often
do you rush to try to fill
it in with something? If
you get a new job, how quickly
does it lose its appeal?
When we're single we want
to be in a relationship,
and when we're in one, we
often long for the freedom
that comes from being single.
And then, internally, when
we make progress in learning
something, or getting healthier,
we're still not satisfied.
What is so unappealing about
contentment that we avoid
it like the plague?
One misconception is the
idea that if we become content,
we'll be bored. Nothing
very interesting will be
happening in our lives.
And then what would everyone
else think? Or how would
I be able to stand it if
there wasn't something "exciting"?
So we go out and create
something, decide we want
something, or get involved
in a drama, and it does
seem more interesting, for
a while. And then we're
right back into feeling
frustrated, dissatisfied,
or worse - depressed, hurt,
or angry.
The
truth is, when we feel Santosha,
life actually gets much
more interesting! We begin
to enjoy the simple things
in life - folding the laundry,
listening to the rain, smiling
at someone on the street.
We begin to see things differently
- how abundant our lives
really are, how good it
feels to truly breathe,
what relationships are precious
to us. Contentment heightens
our appreciation and experience
of what is, and therefore
enriches us deeply. We have
less need to go out and
get something new, and enjoy
more of what we have. And
we feel happier with who
we are, because we can better
see the wonderful qualities
we already possess.
On
the other hand, some people
turn their noses up at the
idea of contentment because
they fear they'll become
"slackers". There's
a belief that if we aren't
constantly running after
goals and desires, we'll
just sit on our rear ends
and become slugs. A reasonable
assumption - after all,
it does take energy and
motivation to create our
lives, and change things
for the better.
The
problem is, when we have
things in mind that we want
to achieve, possess, or
change, there is a tendency
to have expectations. And
you know the old saying
- "expectations lead
to disappointment".
Sure, it would be great
to have a new job. But if
we're expecting to get a
certain one, and then that
doesn't happen, what happens
to our inner peace? Sometimes,
it can be devastating. It's
great to have the idea of
being healthier, but if
we want our bodies to look
like someone else's, and
then it just doesn't come
about, how do we end up
feeling? Comparison and
attachment to outcome can
turn the good intentions
of having goals for ourselves
into feelings of failure
and inadequacy.
When
we're content, it doesn't
mean not to have goals in
mind, things we want to
strive for. The difference
is that when we're in a
state of Santosha, we're
unattached to the results,
and there's no comparison
to anyone or anything else.
We retain our inner balance
when a relationship doesn't
work out. We may grieve,
but we feel grateful for
the experience and open
to what the universe has
in store next. We become
open to outcome, rather
than fixed on one particular
result. It actually opens
us up to explore and experience
more in life.
When
someone doesn't act they
way we want them to, from
a place of Santosha we can
more easily let it go, and
thus are more likely to
respond appropriately to
the situation. And perhaps
the greatest benefit - "failures"
no longer get us down. We
simply see them as one stepping
stone on the pathway to
the next. We no longer define
ourselves by what has happened
in the past, or what we
haven't yet experienced
- we become whole and complete
for who we are in the moment.
That is a feeling of contentment.
Contentment
is not equal to boredom
or stagnancy - in fact,
it will deeply enrich your
life. So invite it in, practice
it, even in your most challenging
moments. No, it may not
be easy to cultivate, but
when you do, a feeling of
inner peace will follow.
Allow yourself to savor
the sweetness of Santosha,
and you'll find yourself
deeply satisfied with much
of what your life has to
offer. The present becomes
precious, and the future
becomes filled with possibilities
beyond our imagination.
— ©2004 by Connie
Habash