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"GRACE
AND NON-ATTACHMENT"
— by Connie Habash
This
afternoon, I was sitting
at my computer, playing
Hearts. Yeah, I know, it's
a little embarrassing to
admit, but there I was.
And I noticed that I was
getting a little annoyed
with these other players—mind
you, they're just figments
of the computer's imagination—and
frustrated when they were
ahead. I'd say to them,
“I'm going to get
you... I'm going to win!”
I was adamantly trying to
beat the other players,
'cause after all, that's
the way the game is played,
right? And then this thought
came up—“no,
you're going to play your
best, and whether you win
or not is Grace.”
It may seem like a revolutionary
idea, the concept of Grace,
but it's not a new one.
It refers to when you are
blessed with something,
when the Divine gives you
a sort of boon. What's wonderful
about Grace is that it's
unconditional; it's not
about how good you've been,
or how hard you've worked.
It simply is.
The dictionary defines it
as “the unmerited
love and favor of God toward
man.” I really like
this definition because
it removes the idea that
we have to earn Spirit's
love through merits, through
being good. If we believe
we have to be good in order
to receive a blessing, then
we will also believe that
we're somehow bad if we
don't, and then have to
make up for it. This cycle
of judgment and repentance
goes on and on, swinging
us back and forth on the
pendulum of “good
child/bad child.”
Grace isn't like that. Grace
is a gift, given freely.
And when we don't receive
Grace, it's not personal.
It doesn't mean we are wrong
or bad, or didn't do well
enough. It just may be that
it's not time or in our
best interests at the moment
for us to have things the
way we want.
Grace, however, is also
not random. My sense is
that the Divine knows when
we are ready for things,
or when it's most beneficial
to experience something,
and there we are—we
have Grace. In fact, you
may have had some experiences
of Grace when you least
expected it - and those
are blessed experiences,
indeed. Conversely, there
are other times when we
thought everything was just
perfect, and it suddenly
fell apart. Where was Grace
then? Maybe, when we look
back, we can see the purpose
for that, but at the time
it can be quite frustrating.
So, if we are simply going
to receive Grace or not,
and it's not up to us, the
question might occur to
you—why try? Why put
our effort into something
if we don't think we can
get some sort of reward?
Well, that's an interesting
and commonly held attitude.
Often, we have an expectation
of getting something in
particular out of what we're
doing. Maybe it's money,
attention, success, love,
whatever—but sometimes
when we're doing something,
we want a certain result,
period. And when we don't
get it, it can be upsetting.
If we continue to go about
whatever we do in life with
expectation of reward, we
are constantly putting ourselves
on that see-saw of win/lose,
happy/sad, good/bad. This
tends to lead us to discontent
more often than not in our
lives.
The ancient sages taught
us that, rather than have
expectations, do your work
and live in a state of non-attachment.
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali
says that the state of union—of
oneness with the Divine—is
achieved by practice and
non-attachment. We do our
best, and then we let it
go.
According to TKV Desikachar's
translation, Patanjali says
that non-attachment (Vairagya
in Sanskrit) is “an
absence of any cravings,
either for the fulfillment
of the senses or for extraordinary
experiences.” This
is being able to do anything
without needing a certain
result to feel OK. Everything
is accepted, and we have
a deep sense of peace within,
regardless of the outcomes
of our labors. Just knowing
we did the best we were
able to at that moment is
fulfilling.
We continue on our paths
of growth and effort not
because we expect some reward
(although rewards do motive
us!), but ultimately because
we know it's the greatest
thing we can do. If our
world were purely motivated
by what we got out of everything
we did, who would be giving
freely from their hearts,
in service to others? How
much of our natural environment
would be left? It is from
non-attachment and selflessness
that truly magnificent things
are achieved.
As Don Miguel Ruiz says
in “The Four Agreements”:
...if you take action just
for the sake of doing it,
without expecting a reward,
you will find that you enjoy
every action you do. Rewards
will come, but you are not
attached to the reward.
...if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying
life.
When we do our best and
practice non-attachment,
Grace just happens... when
we least expect it. Because
we don't expect it.
As for my game of Hearts,
I actually won that game.
But then I lost the next,
although I did my best.
'Tis the nature of games...
which is why it's probably
better that I just go back
to my yoga mat, and practice
non-attachment. Grace will
come when I'm not looking
to win, nor avoiding losing.
Copyright
2001, by Constance L. Habash