 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
"Opening the Heart"
— by Connie Habash
Going to a yoga
& chanting retreat this last month, I was really excited - I'll be able
to open my heart and really feel connected to everyone, I thought. Won't it
be great to feel that wonderful release that comes from emotions flowing and
moving out of my body. I just couldn't wait to feel that beautiful bliss.
And then nothing happened. Well, at least not
what I expected would happen. I went through most of the weekend wondering
"when" it was going to happen - when would I experience my heart
opening? I didn't particularly feel closed, I just didn't feel a whole lot.
Was I numb? Hmm, didn't really think so. Well, what was wrong with me? After
all, I always feel something. And it is always profound, deep, inspiring.
I wanted to be inspired, darn it!
Ever have expectations like that? Sometimes,
we want things a certain way, and when they don't happen, we have our reactions
- disappointment, confusion, doubting ourselves, maybe even anger. So, I had
a great opportunity to look at my expectations and see if I could let them
go and be open to what was happening.
It seemed that I had an opportunity to experience
something different about opening my heart. In the past, opening the heart
may have taken a big event, something dramatic, and then, boom! Suddenly emotion
welled up inside and overflowed. Or, it was a very sweet and touching moment
between myself and another, awakening that warm feeling inside. But was opening
the heart always dependent on some external condition? Did it always have
to just "happen", from some dramatic experience? Or was there something
else to opening my heart that was more subtle, and more volitional? It became
clear that I wasn't going to have an intense experience that weekend, and
I needed to consider what else might be involved in opening my heart.
So then I had to ask myself - if opening my
heart isn't necessarily the sensation of tears streaming down my face and
an outpouring of emotion, what was it? I checked inside myself and noticed
that I felt peaceful. There was a calmness, and a capability of being present.
I realized that having my heart open - to myself and to others around me -
was a practice of that willingness to be present. Opening the heart wasn't
something that just happened. It was an experience I had to consciously cultivate.
Sometimes, that resulted in the outpouring of emotions. And sometimes, it
was simply and beautifully a feeling of being at peace within and with my
environment.
There are many times in life when we have unique
opportunities to feel our hearts opening more palpably. The holiday season
is a particularly rich time to explore this inner expansion of the heart.
We can experience it in the joy of a child's face when they open a present.
We can feel it as we smell old familiar scents, from pine trees to holiday
cooking, and are reminded of family and friends. We can share our open hearts
as we give donations or serve food to those that are not as fortunate as us.
We can touch this part of ourselves and another as we listen to a loved one
while they share their pain. We can marvel within ourselves as we see frost
sparkling on the rooftops or narcissus blooming. Even in those moments when
we look upon the holidays with dread, or feel left out from the celebrations,
we can touch in on that sensitive place within us and have compassion for
others who feel similarly. And we can use these unique moments to learn to
practice being open in our heart throughout the year.
Opening our hearts is about giving and receiving
love. In M. Scott Peck's classic, "The Road Less Traveled", he says:
...real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is
lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact that we don't feel loving.
Opening our hearts and loving is an active practice that we choose to
do, like any spiritual discipline, even when we don't feel like it. And it
happens to be a practice that will benefit all, many times in a very tangible
way.
I invite you to practice opening your heart,
feeling that peace within, and loving yourself, others, and the planet this
holiday, and beyond. Especially when you don't really feel like it.
— ©2000, 2004 by Connie Habash