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"Aparigraha:
or, How not to get caught
up in the After-
Christmas Sale" —
by Connie Habash
How
many of us have experienced
it - "But it's such
a good deal"! "Hey,
everyone else has it, maybe
it's time I got it."
"Well, they're on sale,
I might as well stock up",
or "well, I don't really
need it, but I want it!"
Of course, there are many
other scenarios, and most
of us have experienced the
Sale phenomenon. Maybe we
didn't even intend to go
to the mall, but we happened
to drive by, and there's
Nordstrom, the sporting
goods store, wherever, and
we remember - yeah, sale
time. Why not just go in
and see what's marked down?
We start conjuring up stuff
we could use. Yeah, I could
use some more underwear.
Hey, I want some cool new
clothes. Then we start to
get excited. Pretty soon,
it's been an hour, or 3,
and we've charged through
the store googly-eyed, tearing
through anything that looks
interesting and convincing
ourselves of needing or
wanting this or that. Without
even leaving our home, we
may find ourselves surfing
the internet for those hot
sales. Maybe we end up spending
some money that we really
didn't want to. And then
thinking back - how many
of those things did we really
enjoy and use later?
OK, maybe I'm the ONLY one
who has ever done this,
right? Or, that was in your
past, because after all
you're into yoga now, or
spiritual growth, or whatever,
and you don't do that anymore.
So, of course, this article
isn't for you but for someone
you know. :) Just keep it
in mind for them.
What
does all this have to do
with Aparigraha, that wierd
word in the title of the
article? Well, just about
everything. Aparigraha is
the yogic principle of having
only what is necessary in
our life, and not being
greedy. Not hoarding things,
rather than filling our
lives with unnecessary stuff.
It's also about letting
go of what we've held onto
that's no longer necessary
but we still cling to. This
is an important principle
in yoga, because the more
we hold onto, the less we
can receive. The more the
body holds and clings, the
less it can move. And the
more stuff we have, whether
in our home or packed into
our thoughts, the less peace
and spaciousness we experience.
I specifically didn't use
the phrase "what we
really need", but rather,
what is necessary. There's
a big difference, because
we can use the word "need"
to justify a lot of things
that aren't truly necessary.
Just think of the last time
you felt you really needed
some ice cream. Or really
needed that new outfit.
Or really needed to get
all those new CDs. It doesn't
matter what it is, but consider
for a moment all the things
that you have that aren't
necessary. What is truly
necessary for our well-being
and happiness? That is a
big question.
Aparigraha is not about
deprivation. We could take
it to that place - well,
I really shouldn't get this
or that because then I'd
be greedy. I must hold myself
back, because I really can
do without that. It may
be true, yes, but we don't
want to take this practice
to the point where we feel
like we're a child that
never got what it wanted
- and then rebelling later
because we felt underpriviledged
by our self-imposed restraint.
Aparigraha isn't like being
the parent that never let
us have what we wanted.
This is a practice of really
acknowledging what makes
us truly happy, what deeply
satisfies us. Yes, that
ice cream may satisfy me
for a few minutes, but what
about after that? Will I
feel guilty, cold, congested,
upset in the stomach? Will
that same thing that brought
me happiness a few minutes
ago be a source of suffering
later (maybe in my checking
account, or in taking up
more space in my home?),
or at the least no longer
provide any satisfaction?
Does this thing that I hold
onto in my closet, even
though I never use it, really
make a difference in my
life? When we feel compelled
to have these things, rather
than becoming rigid and
righteous, imposing control
on ourselves or forcing
ourselves to let go, we
can ask: what will truly
bring me happiness or peace?
What can I do now to help
support that, rather than
something that will not
be lasting, and may cause
me suffering or inconvenience
later? Maybe a warm bath,
a walk in the sunshine,
a half hour of yoga, shooting
some hoops, or having a
cup of tea with a good friend
will go further towards
that goal than the After-Christmas
Sale or indulging in a habit
that makes you feel foolish
or ashamed later.
This can also happen when
we're doing our yoga practice.
We can become greedy for
more advanced poses, or
looking like that person
over there, or getting the
teacher's attention. All
of these things, while not
bad in themselves, take
us away from finding the
deep fulfillment in who
we already are and what
we already have. That's
aparigraha. Recognizing
that we already have what
we need to be truly happy,
deeply at peace, inside
ourselves. We don't need
anything more, nor do we
need to become more than
who we already are within.
Then, when it's time to
get a new stereo, or do
learn a more advanced pose,
it's nice, but it doesn't
become the source of our
happiness. We are already
cultivating that source
within us, and know that
whatever comes or doesn't
come, that won't change.
We can actually enjoy the
ice cream of life more,
because we don't expect
it to do for us what it
can't do - provide deep,
lasting contentment (and
we'll probably be less interested
in eating it at all). So
whether or not you decide
to go out into the shops
and buy some things, you
can always practice aparigraha.
Try to take some time to
get centered before you
go into the "super
sale" environment.
Breathe, go slowly, and
stay grounded. You'll maintain
a better sense of what is
truly necessary, and you'll
retain more clarity of what
is the authentic source
of fulfillment inside yourself.
And try not to "shop
til you drop". I mean,
suggest that to your friend,
of course.
Copyright 2002 by Constance L. Habash