by Connie Habash | Jun 23, 2022 | Articles, Challenges, Meditation, Spirituality, Yoga Philosophy
This post, on doubt (samshaya) is the second of a 9-part series on the obstacles to spiritual practice, from verse 1:30 of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras:
vyādhistyānasanśaya pramādālasyāvirati bhrāntidarśanālabdha bhūmikatvānavasthitatvāni cittavikṣēpāstē̕ntarāyāḥ |
Disease, dullness, doubt, carelessness, laziness, worldliness, delusion, non-achievement of a yogic state, and instability are the distractions of the mind, and they are obstacles [in yoga].
Is it really worth it?
Am I capable of doing this?
Am I doing this right, or good enough?
Am I on the wrong path?
Why am I not enlightened yet?
Is there really any higher state of consciousness, anyway?
In any worthy endeavor in life, we’re bound to run into some doubt, known as Samshaya in Sanskrit; one of the 9 obstacles to spiritual practice. You may notice it arising in your mind as questions like the ones above.
Aspirational goals take time, effort, courage, and persistence. It’s not always fun. Whether we’re training for a marathon, getting through college, raising a child, starting a business, or on the path of awakening, there will be joys and success, and moments when we wonder if we’re capable or if it’s even worthwhile.
We doubt ourselves, our efforts, and the outcomes. We question if we’re doing things right, if we’re good enough, smart enough, or have what it takes. It’s all a bunch of hogwash.
Seriously. You may have just thought, “but really, I’m lazy. It doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve tried so hard and it’s not changing. Other people seem to be further along than me…” etc. Your thoughts are very normal, but they aren’t Real, and it’s important to not buy into them.
The Path Up the Mountain
If you want to make it to the top of a mountain, you have to keep going. It’s fine to stop and rest for a while. You can enjoy the view and appreciate where you are. You can turn back if the weather is bad and then re-ascend another day, or gather some equipment you realized you needed. You can go nice and slow, taking your time, or you can decide to shift to a different trail that is less steep. There are many ways to get up the mountain besides just a quick, easy, direct ascent. But don’t give up on your climb!
The spiritual path is very much like that trail up the mountainside, but the obstacles are primarily in our thoughts. The mind is very sneaky. It prefers not to change, to just keep doing what you’re doing and avoiding any discomfort. It fears that if you become more conscious and awake, that you won’t need it anymore. So any chance it gets, it will use these doubtful thoughts to attempt to dissuade you from your spiritual evolution.
Recognize that this is happening whenever those doubts apear. Know that the obstacle of Samshaya, doubt, is bound to arise on the path. And there are four essential practices that will help you move past it.
Practice #1 – The Neutral Witness
The first and most essential skill to cultivate is having a neutral witness within yourself. This is your higher consciousness, able to observe your thoughts, words, and actions without passing judgment one way or the other. It simply sees, hears, and recognizes what is happening in your thoughts and the reactions to those thoughts, which manifest in words and actions.
From your neutral witness within, you can catch that doubt in the act. OK, there’s the doubting mind again. Label it. The neutral witness won’t freak out because you’re having doubts; it won’t get angry at yourself, or fret over it. It simply notices and says, there it is again.
Normal, but not Real
Remember, doubt it is normal, but it’s not Real. Thoughts are not real or true in themselves, they are simply mental manifestations. You can manifest all kinds of different thoughts. Right now, you could choose to think utterly absurd things, such as that your toes are actually strawberries, or that poop is actually a song in mud form. Did I make you laugh? Why? Because those were probably some of the most bizarre thoughts you’ve heard and you know they aren’t true.
The funny thing is that we tend to believe a number of similarly false (but perhaps not as bizarre!) thoughts that occur in our mind. Why? Because they’re familiar. We’ve repeated them again and again, so they appear to be true because that’s our habit.
Question It!
The neutral witness gives you a fresh observation point on those thoughts. You can begin to question anything that arises – especially doubt! The neutral witness within you can bring your attention to the fact that it is happening.
When you are aware in that moment, then you actually have a choice. If we’re unconscious of our thoughts, they’ll tend to run us. But when they are consciously observed, then we can decide whether or not to believe them and what thoughts we’d like to change.
The next time a doubt about your meditation, yoga practice, or other spiritual endeavor arises, cultivate that neutral witness within you. Question the thought, give yourself a little compassionate understanding, and consider what to refocus on to keep you on that trail up the mountain.
Key #2 – Refocus
Yes – once you can see that you’re plagued with doubt, and have neutrally observed it with compassion, then decide on a different mental focus.
Feeling burned out? Rather than give up, take a little break with a clear time or day to restart. Wondering if you’re good enough? Know that almost everyone has this doubt, and that we’re all Divine beings with infinite potential. Feeling like a failure because it hasn’t happened fast enough? The journey is the blessing in itself when we’re fully open to it, and the goal is a great mystery. So come back to the here and now and practice Presence rather than having an agenda.
Use the skill of refocusing to shift your attention from the doubt to a more encouraging thought or a gentler way of practicing.
Key #3 – Faith
There are times on the spiritual path when you may feel discouraged, even depressed. This is when faith, or Shraddha, carries us through. Abbott George Burke (Swami Nirmalananda Giri) describes Shraddha as an “unshakeable faith in his objective, in himself and in the methods which he has adopted.”
Shraddha is the deep inner knowing of your path. It is the understanding of Truth with a capital T – that we are all, indeed, One with the Infinite Presence. Our true nature is not limited by our thoughts, emotions, sensations, beliefs, or perceptions. We embark upon spiritual awakening because our inner self senses this deep Truth and longs for the realization of it.
Invoke Shraddha when you’re stuck in that doubt. Remind yourself of what truly matters to you. Ask for a sign, a reminder of why you are pursuing this noble path. Pick up a book that will reinspire you. Listen to a recording of someone who is filled with the light of Spirit. This is faith informing your choice to refocus. Faith will guide you to what you need to move out of that mental funk and back onto your trail up the mountain.
Key #4 – Ask for Help
If you’re still struggling, reach out to someone. Find a yoga or meditation teacher that speaks to you, or reach out to your current one. If you are a member of a spiritual community, seek the wisdom of the spiritual director or a mentor. There are also online spiritual communities, classes, and support groups which can help you overcome doubt on the spiritual path. It helps to be part of a group of people that are similarly committed to their awakening. Together, you can bolster each other when Samshaya arises.
Keep these 4 keys in your awareness whenever you find yourself mired in the obstacle of Samshaya – doubt. Develop a keen neutral witness within you to see your thoughts and reactions clearly; remember that you can refocus your attention to something helpful or inspiring; keep your faith strong by knowing your true nature and the purpose for your practice; and know when to ask for help.
Doubt is likely a sign that you are progressing and have levelled up to a greater challenge and capacity for spiritual awareness. The Universe is saying that you are ready for more. It’s getting a bit steep on that incline. So keep your eyes on the trail ahead and know that, even when your mind doesn’t think so, you are making progress.
Ready for support on your spiritual journey? Find out how Spiritual Mentoring can take you to the next level.
by Connie Habash | Jan 13, 2022 | Articles, Challenges, Communication, Healing, Listening, Perspective, Polarities
We’re challenged with our differences these days – they have caused a great divide in our world. Polarization appears to be intensifying, and it’s difficult to have conversations with people of opposing views. Here are two keys to turning things around so that we can listen as well as communicate and resolve the national and planetary problems together.
The other day, someone said to me that they felt despair about the divisiveness in the United States and the world. It was hard to have any conversations about things that mattered without conflict and anger.
It’s true that there are many strong opinions about a plethora of issues we’re facing: the pandemic, vaccinations, climate change, immigration, the economy, the police and law, diversity and racial equality, just to name a few hot topics. It appears that we’re drifting further apart from our differently-opinioned neighbors (and even our primary relationships!), whether in another part of the world or right next door.
It’s easy to become despondent and believe that it’s hopeless. And if we continue in the same direction, with the same attitudes and perceptions, maybe it is. But it doesn’t have to continue on the track we’ve found ourselves on.
I obviously don’t have all the answers, but I do have two – two ways that I feel are essential to healing the divide between ourselves and others who don’t share our points of view. These two principles lay a foundation for repair of our polarized culture.
Similarities Connect – Differences Enrich
The first principle lays the groundwork for how communities, from a small support group or even a partnered couple to a large congregation, build meaningful, connected relationships with one another: similarities connect – differences enrich.
We connect over our similarities. These are activities, tastes, values, cultural backgrounds, politics, and even our flaws and blunders in life. In a 12-step group, the sense of connection comes largely from shared similar experience of addition to a substance or a relationship. At a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple, it’s a common belief, and at a protest it’s a shared struggle or principle we stand for.
By sharing our more vulnerable side, we also find commonality in our suffering, challenges, and life experiences. A grief support group works because everyone understands the pain of loss, so there’s a common language. People of color know that other people of color “get it” about racism.
But similarity is only one half of the first principle. Because if we only had similarities, the homogeneity of the group would eventually be a bit flat. Differences of opinion, while at times frustrating or annoying, spark conversation, contemplation, and growth.
We need differing points of view, as long as they aren’t terribly oppositional. If we aren’t exposed to other perspectives, we don’t grow in our understanding of life and the world. It’s as if we lived in the same valley our whole lives. We might know that valley very well, and then assume the entire rest of the world outside that sheltered, verdant land looked the same. How wrong we would be, and how woefully unprepared we would be should we need to leave the valley and move elsewhere.
When you encounter someone who has similarities, celebrate those connections. And when you discover the differences – which inevitably you will – learn to welcome them. Which can be a tall order when you find yourself faced with an adversary. But those very challenging differences can enrich your understanding of the world. In fact, that’s how transformational change usually happens, is when those differences meet one another.
When You Encounter Differences
Encountering others who are very different from you can trigger a lot of reactions. We may feel defensive, unsafe, and scared. We also can become very righteous; we believe that our point of view is the right one (and I’m sure that it is! 🤣).
But having a righteous point of view doesn’t usually result in harmonious relations and resolutions that work for the greater good. So what can you do to better respond, rather than react, to people with different values, perspectives, backgrounds, upbringings, and experiences?
Convincing to Understanding
You can practice the second principle; to shift from convincing to understanding.
We’ve all fallen into the trap of believing that when we have a disagreement with another, we must convince them of our stance. We have to show them the truth! They will clearly see, after we have explained everything, that we are right and if they just changed all would be well.
Yeah, you know how well that goes over, don’t you? Because you’ve probably been on the receiving end of that, too, and didn’t appreciate the sermon.
The way through this dilemma is shifting out of the convincing mentality. Often, we feel compelled to convince because we fear that if we don’t, our point of view will be run over. We’ll lose our ground, our power, our stance in the family or the community.
The surprising thing is that the very clenching to being right is what perpetuates the loss of power in the relationship. We think that standing strong in our opinion will save the day, but it ends up ruining the connection. It emphasizes the polarization of viewpoints and tears down what sense of unity through commonality there may have been.
Give Them a Bit of What They Want
The shift from convincing to understanding gives others a bit of what they want. And I don’t mean that you’re giving them their way, or allowing others to do things that you don’t feel right about.
What I mean is that all of us long to be understood – maybe even more than being agreed with (although that is quite debatable!). We want someone to be able to listen to us, take our perspective seriously, respect us, and really get where we’re coming from.
It’s possible to understand without agreeing. I remember listening to a well-known activist talk about how she used to meet with oil companies with her guns blazing. Those meetings didn’t turn out well. But when she went in willing to listen, to understand what those companies wanted and their priorities, then they were willing to listen to her, too, and negotiations were more fruitful.
Understanding Returns Us to Similarities and Connection
Surprisingly, when we are willing to understand rather than try to convince, we circle around to find our similarities. We all want health, success, respect, and happiness. We all have met with challenges, pain, and struggle. Most of us want harmony and peace with one another. By listening, with open minds and hearts, we can discover what we share in common. That creates more connection, which supports finding resolution between disparate perspectives.
Remember that differences enrich us. We learn so much more from new information and points of view, and it can clarify our own perspectives. An attitude of interest and curiosity about those differences will open doorways of connection and understanding.
It takes a lot more than these two principles, but the foundations of “similarities connect – differences enrich” and “shift from convincing to understanding” are essential to the process of mending the rifts in our world. Explore how you can practice these principles in your partners, family, friends, neighbors, and community, and let me know what you discover. Together, we can rebuild the bridges that have burned down and heal the divide in the world.
by Connie Habash | Nov 4, 2021 | Aliveness, Authenticity, Boundaries, Challenges, Expression
Most everyone can agree that being authentic – at least in my world – is essential to living a happy and fulfilling life. But do we really know what authenticity means, and how it plays out in our lives? Here are my thoughts on true authenticity.
Let’s Get Real
It’s time to be very honest about authenticity (is that redundant?!). We all think of being authentic as being real – sharing what we truly think and feel. It’s about showing our vulnerable, true selves to others, rather than hiding behind a facade.
Amy Morin, in a Forbes article, defines authenticity as “being brave enough to be yourself and genuine enough to live according to your values. To be an authentic person, what you say and what you do must line up with what you believe.”
But being genuine and real can be too simplistic of an explanation. We need to look deeper at what authentic expression is and what it isn’t. It’s not so easy to just “let it all hang out”, as the hippies used to say. Authenticity takes courage but it also requires discernment.
The Courageous Side of Authenticity
It takes guts to be vulnerable, raw, and open. We risk being disliked or judged when we share our honest perspective. People may misunderstand. We take the risk of being authentic so that we can be honored and appreciated for exactly who we are, even though they may not get it.
Even though we have hopes for a warm and welcoming reception, we’re not really practicing authenticity for the sake of others’ reactions, although we really do want to be loved for who we are. We take the risk not for them but for ourselves – that it feels better to be who we are. It takes less psychic energy to share in an authentic flow than to censor and shut down our emotions. We feel more whole, alive, and empowered when we have the strength and courage to simply be who we are.
If you’re the kind of person that tends to hold things in, or if you have a hard time figuring out how you really feel, you may want to err on the side of courage. Allow yourself to speak up. Practice saying it out loud in the mirror, until you have the gumption to verbalize your most intimate feelings and thoughts with someone that you value.
Misunderstanding Authentic Expression
The problem is that when we learn of the power of being authentic, we may overcorrect. It’s easy to think that we need to share what we’re thinking because it’s authentically what we experience. Sometimes this can lead to problems: reacting, oversharing, and inappropriately sharing.
Reactivity can be misconstrued as authenticity. We believe that, in order to be authentic, we should just share whatever we think and feel whenever we think and feel it. But we all know that situations and interactions with others can trigger reactive emotions. It could be an old issue that has surfaced or a sensitive subject that has been touched on. Our first emotions, although they are truly being felt, may be more of an unconscious and probably unhelpful reaction rather than true authenticity.
Oversharing is when someone dumps all their thoughts and feelings on you. Sure, it may be true and authentic for them. But it’s too much. We actually don’t need to know everything that someone thinks or feels. It isn’t always more authentic to blurt everything out, and it can sometimes be manipulative of other’s time and energy, overwhelming, and too much to take in at once.
Too much “authentic” sharing can be a codependent trait that indicates a desperate need for attention and approval rather than a courageous opening of vulnerability. This is especially true if, when meeting someone for the first time, they divulge a whole history of issues and needs to you. At first, it may feel like a real intimate conversation, until the energy starts to take on the flavor of overwhelm or a feeling of needing to help and take on their problems.
However, authenticity isn’t just about sharing your thoughts and feelings. It’s also about standing up for yourself, what you value, and what you need. Setting boundaries are included in this. This is another way we share vulnerability: by drawing the line of what is ok and not ok with us, regardless of what other people may think of us. It may be most authentic for you to set a boundary around your time, energy, and how much others are sharing with you. Authenticity isn’t just about expressing, but also about conscious receiving. You don’t need to be the dumping ground for everyone else’s emotions and opinions if it isn’t feeling authentic for you to receive them.
The Discernment Required
The other side of authenticity besides courage is discernment. This is mindful authentic expression. It’s not just about sharing whatever we think, feel, or need, but about sitting with our inner truth before we act on it.
Mindful authenticity includes discernment of these questions:
- What wants to be expressed? How much of this is most appropriate to share?
- Are these the appropriate people (Who) and is this the appropriate situation (When and Where) in which to express it?
- What do I want as a result of sharing this?
The What and How Much
Before we share authentically, we need to be clear on what we’re sharing. Talking off the top of our head may not be very clear, effective, or convey our deepest desires and truth. Especially if it is a very vulnerable topic, we are wise to sit with the emotions and thoughts for a bit, allowing them to distill into the nuggets of truth. You’re not looking for a “perfect” output, but rather the essence that feels most real, clear, and empowering. Consider how much of your truth is authentic to the moment and is enough, but not too much, to carry your message and true self across.
So ask yourself: what do I feel? What do I think? What do I need or desire? What is the most important, distilled truth of all of this that I want to express? You can journal if you have time, or you can simply reflect on these questions in the moment before you choose to share.
Appropriateness – the Who, Where, and When
Not every person, circumstance, or time is appropriate to share your most vulnerable, authentic self. This is the second aspect of discernment. Being authentic is about recognizing when something is truly needed or if its unnecessary. It is considering whether our authentic sharing will add something meaningful and helpful to the conversation or if it may be a distraction in the moment. Is someone else needing the floor right now, and your expression can wait? Is now the most powerful time, or when might it be better shared? Do you truly feel safe enough with where you are and who is present to unearth your most treasured viewpoints or raw feelings? Will this person really be able to receive what you have to say and honor it?
Sometimes it’s appropriate to share, even if the situation isn’t best. It’s a matter of discerning if you are able to hold your truth, essence, and self-love, even if it isn’t received as you had hoped for. If it would feel better to share your thoughts now as a doorway to open a deeper, more authentic conversation, expressing yourself may be appropriate, even if the risk is high. Discern within yourself what is most aligned with your inner truth.
The Desired Result
Pause before you express yourself and consider what expectations you have of this. What is your desired result? This is the third aspect of true authenticity.
If you’re a very evolved spiritual person, maybe you can let go of your expectations and desires, and express yourself freely. But most of us aren’t there yet. We have hopes for what we share – maybe even unsaid demands – and if we aren’t honest with ourselves about that before we open up, we may feel disappointed.
What is your ideal outcome of what you’re about to share? And if it doesn’t turn out like that, what can you live with? If you’re looking for support and encouragement, a very authentic way to express that is to ask for what you want before you share the vulnerable, ground-breaking feelings and thoughts. You’re more likely to receive what you need.
If you really want or need a certain response, consider if this is the best time, circumstance, and person to be making that request of. Authentic expression is being real with yourself about whether you’re expecting too much from a person or situation.
Your desired result might simply be to be able to speak openly and honestly, just for you, no matter what results. The important thing is to be clear with yourself about what you want from your authentic expression – or, see if you can cultivate a frame of mind that is OK, no matter what results.
Authenticity Includes Joy
Maybe your authenticity isn’t about saying a truth that has been held back or talking about something painful. It might be about expressing your joy. You may have good news to share and a heart that is full to overflowing.
Give yourself permission to share that unabashedly! Your joy can light up others. At the same time, use your discernment. Many of us have experienced others “raining on our parade” who weren’t ready to share in your jubilance. Again, ask yourself if this is an appropriate place, time, and audience to share with. If it isn’t, don’t squash your happiness; let it simmer within you and bubble up through your body and heart until you’re in a circumstance where it can blossom fully.
Silence is Also An Option
When you’re pondering whether it’s authentic to share something or not, consider that silence could also be in alignment with your authenticity. Silence can convey more than words. You don’t have to speak up in order to be authentic.
We all need silence, especially when we’re trying to sort out who we truly are. So in your quest for true authenticity, it’s OK to be quiet sometimes. Give yourself time to distill your truth; this offers others space to discern theirs as well. There’s no rush to true authenticity. Then, when you express yourself, you’ll feel more grounded and prepared to share whatever wants to be revealed.
The Bottom Line to True Authenticity
Remember that the most important thing about being truly authentic is about being fully yourself just for you – no matter the outcome. You know who you are, what you think, what you feel, and what you stand for. That’s more important than whether you choose to share it with others. But when you do express it outwardly, celebrate and appreciate yourself for your efforts at being authentic. In the words of my friend Syl Sabastian, “when Authentic, we are Real, and nothing can be more Appropriate than Being Real.” That’s the bottom line.
When embarking upon the journey to true authenticity, remember to bring along both your courage and discernment. Be mindful, watch for possible reactivity, and know that authenticity can include setting boundaries. When expressing yourself, ask yourself the questions of what and how much, when and who with, and what your desired result is. It’s OK to share unabashedly, and it’s also OK to allow silence as an option. With these tools, you’ll discover your true authenticity within, no matter the circumstance.
What do you think or feel about authenticity? Share below!
Do you long to become more of your Authentic, Divine Self? Counseling or Spiritual Mentoring can support you on that journey! Contact me for a free 20 minute consultation.
by Connie Habash | Oct 14, 2021 | Acceptance, Articles, Awareness, Challenges, Change, Judgment
Do you struggle with self-judgment? You’re not alone. It’s a fallacy to believe that you have to judge yourself in order to change. Here’s a more gentle and transformative way.
Every one of us has habits that we’d like to change. On the path of personal growth and awakening, this is especially true of our mental habits. It takes a firm resolve to transform negative thought patterns into positive ones. But we cause unnecessary upset by judging ourselves whenever we catch our minds in the act of the less-than-desirable behavior.
It doesn’t have to be that way. We can learn to catch ourselves when we’re caught up in old habits with kind attention and determination rather than judgment and shame.
Those Pesky Thoughts
The most difficult habit to change, in my experience, is the way we think. Our habitual thought-patterns usually have been around for a very long time. As a result, it takes a bit more effort to create those internal shifts of awareness and attention.
When we become aware of our thought patterns, we may notice how much they dominate our day. They bounce around in our heads like a volleyball, taking leaps from here to there in our awareness. It’s often hard to catch up to where those pesky thoughts are headed, or to stop them in action.
The Unhealthy Thought Patterns
We can all identify ways of thinking that cause us trouble. Some of these might be familiar to you:
- I’m not good enough
- Life isn’t fair
- I’ll never be able to ___________
- Why me?
What thoughts would you add to this list? What ones cause you the most trouble?
The thoughts themselves aren’t the big issue – it’s when we 1) believe the thoughts and 2) perpetuate the thoughts that problems arise in our lives.
Notice What You’re Thinking
The first step in creating change in our thoughts is awareness. You can’t change something that you’re not aware of. We may be having all kinds of thoughts that operate as a subconscious, or even unconscious, level of awareness.
To become aware of our mental processes, we need to set aside time to do that. But it doesn’t have to impinge much on our day. If you’re waiting at the doctor’s office, check in with your thoughts. While at a traffic light, notice what’s in your mental awareness. You can find bits of time here and there to become more aware.
When you have more time, it’s very helpful to journal. Try a Stream of Consciousness exercise: simply write down, for 3-5 minutes, every single thought you’re having. No censoring, no punctuation or grammar check, just write it all down however it comes out. It can be surprising to discover everything that goes on in that mind of yours – especially thoughts that take you out of the present moment or cause you to suffer!
Question Your Thinking – Gently
Most of the time, our thoughts slip by our awareness undetected – and unquestioned. We tend to believe, consciously or unconsciously, what we think. And if we don’t question our thoughts, they’ll determine our experiences, perceptions, and often our behaviors.
If you want to change something, the thoughts need to change that reinforce that behavior or belief. The truth is, you have thoughts, but they don’t own you. They aren’t who you are. You can observe and witness them. And because of that, you can question them.
Are the thoughts you’re having what you truly want to have? Do they support, assist, and serve you or others? Are they helpful and encouraging? Do they create what you want in your life? Are they worth believing in?
If you answered no, then question them. Reconsider if they’re worth having around. You don’t have to attack them, or judge yourself for having them. They’ve been around for a long time, remember? You probably created them at at time when they seemed like the best alternative. They were probably a reaction to what was going on around you.
But you don’t have to keep them! At any time, you can question what you are thinking – with kind, gentle awareness and attention – and decide that you don’t need or want a thought. You’re in charge, not your thoughts (even if you have a thought that no, really, those thoughts are in control!).
A Sense of Humor
Really, you don’t have to take all those annoying, unhelpful thoughts seriously. I mean, if we could hear everyone’s thoughts, it would be nuts, right?
Think of some of the most ridiculous thoughts you may have had. We all have them. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us. We don’t need to judge ourselves for having silly or annoying thoughts. We also don’t have to judge ourselves for having upsetting, scary, or hurtful thoughts. You aren’t your thoughts, and when you start to get more distance from them and look at them as something you’re experiencing, not who you are, you might become a bit amused about how incessant and outrageous they are.
Toss Those Thoughts Back – and Change the Game
After you’ve become aware of your thoughts, questioned them a bit, and even looked at them with some sense of humor, you may have developed enough neutral distance between you and your thoughts to change the game. If those thoughts are bouncing around in your mind like a volleyball, catch the ball and toss it back to the sideline. You don’t have to play!
Change the game. You don’t have to be at the whim of the ball. You – your True Self within, that watches the thoughts but isn’t them – can decide what to do next.
What direction do you want to turn your attention to? If you’re having thoughts of not being good enough, it’s not so easy to just decide that you’re good enough. Turn your attention to something specific about you that is good enough in this moment. You may be breathing deeply enough, sincere about your growth, or know that you have a kind heart, even if it isn’t perfect.
Letting Go of Thinking Altogether
What might be more effective is letting go of thinking at all. Here in this moment, sitting at your computer, perhaps in a chair, is OK. That is what is real right now. Take a look around and see what is real around you right now. Maybe a dog at your feet, or the sound of crickets or rain outside the window. Everything else in your mind is a story that you don’t have to keep writing.
Don’t expect to completely silence all your thoughts – they will probably still bounce around here and there in your awareness. Redirect the game to being as fully present as possible with what is really here, right now. The more inner quiet you experience, the more you’ll be able to change your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions when they arise.
It is possible to change. And you can change yourself kindly and light-heartedly, without judging yourself.
Do you struggle with judging yourself? Counseling or Spiritual Mentoring can help you change and transform how you perceive and care for yourself. Contact Rev. Connie for a free 20-minute consultation.
by Connie Habash | Aug 7, 2021 | Challenges, Change, Transformation
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. You’ve probably heard that saying. The first time I did was in graduate school back in the 90’s. It has held true. I haven’t been exempt from that tendency to want something different, but not being willing to do anything about it. Yet, if we want something to change in our lives, we need to make a change in ourselves.
You may wish to attract a new job, transform a relationship, eat healthier, or live more in harmony with the Earth. Those can feel like pretty daunting changes!
Before you get overwhelmed with that, I have some ideas for you that are gentle ways to change. Because one of the reasons why we don’t make changes is that we believe they have to be BIG and take a lot of WORK.
That is the falsehood under our desire to transform. So here are my kind suggestions if you want to make a change in your life:
- Be Open and Receptive – One of the changes is simply your perspective. Open to possibilities, envision a new response to your life, visualize the change that you want to happen, and be willing to receive that! Willingness to receive change is half of the battle.
- Ask for Help – You can ask a friend to help with cleaning out the closet or a neighbor for suggestions of where there’s a farmer’s market for organic produce. Post a question online for how to reduce plastic use or for suggestions of a good book on personal growth or healthy relationships (here is one of my favorite books on making a change). Help is all around if you ask for it.
- Practice Gratitude – Gratitude shifts our perspective and opens us to abundance. Focus on the blessings and what you’re thankful for. The more good we see in our lives, the more we continue to notice and open ourselves to. This changes our energy, attitude, and response to others. A wonderful little gratitude prayer someone taught me: “Thank you, Spirit! More, Please!”
- One Little Thing – When we think of ALL the things that we “NEED” to change, we get overwhelmed and don’t do any of them. I am not the first person to remind you to do just one little change. Let that settle in for a bit and notice its affect until you consider your next one.
- Do Unto Yourself – We know the spiritual teaching, “Treat Others As You Would Like to be Treated.” Well, a lot of us are much better at being kind and caring towards others than to our very own self. If you’re just going to make one change, I’d start with more kindness and love in the way you talk to and treat yourself. That can have a large impact across the board of your life.
- Learn to be Present – Presence is being right in this moment with an open heart and quiet mind. Change comes a lot easier when we’re not ruminating over the past or projecting into the future. Right here, right now, you do something different in this moment.
Yes, in order to see transformation in our world and our lives, we need to do the work of change. Go easy and steady with it. Trust in yourself. And allow the Divine to bring you what you need for that transformation to unfold.
If you want my support in making those changes, join my email list and feel free to contact me!
by Connie Habash | Jan 7, 2021 | awakening, Challenges, Change, Clarity, Darkness, Energy, Fear, Inspiration, Light, Motivation, Transformation, Truth
[based on my talk from New Year’s Eve 2021: A New Beginning]
No one needs to be told that 2020 was a difficult year. We all know the reasons why. But we may not realize that there is a gift in all that challenge: fire by friction.
Have you ever started a fire? Probably. Certainly you’ve lit a candle, with either a match or a lighter. Some of you may have even worked with flint and metal, creating that initial spark to ignite tinder. And a rare handful of you reading this may have actually made fire (or attempted to, in my case!) with a bow drill or hand drill: the ancient method of true fire by friction.
This primitive way of igniting fire with a drill is very difficult. It takes strength, determination, and lots and lots of friction between one piece of wood and another. That abrasion builds heat enough to finally create a spark. Whether you use that method, the flint, or a match or lighter, the spark that lights the flame requires some sort of friction to initiate it. You strike the match against a rough surface, and viola’, a flame appears. With that, you can light your candle or fire.
A Year of Friction
The challenges that we endured from the pandemic, systemic racism, isolation, financial stress, fires, and floods – to name a few – may have served us in a strange way. They have revealed fears, beliefs, and perceptions that cause us pain. It’s not the events themselves that are so problematic as it is the way we think about and respond to them.
Those painful and stressful thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, and emotional reactions create an internal friction. We are rubbed up against what is most uncomfortable within us. We can’t deny it anymore, as it is too painful and too apparent.
What’s good about this is what is revealed can be healed. If we don’t recognize what limits us and keeps us small, unhappy, or suffering, then we can’t do anything about it. These problematic thoughts, emotions, and perceptions triggered in 2020 (and beyond!) create the spark of internal and external friction, and provide the fuel for the fire of transformation to burn.
The Awakening
That spark initiated by the friction of our inner and outer challenges is a new awakening. It’s a shift in consciousness. We gain new insight about ourselves and our world, if nothing other than the declaration, NO MORE!
We need that initiatory spark to wake us up and spur us on. No fire will begin without a spark. In order to create positive change in our world and ourselves, we need this awakening.
Heat
After friction creates the spark, the flame is lit from our kindling of outdated mental and emotional blockages, and fire brings heat. We know that heat warms us, cooks our food, and creates transformation.
That warmth or heat from the fire gives us the energy, passion, and determination to create change. We know that our world needs a lot of change right now. We have been separated, lonely, and suffering, living in fear and under oppression. We must create solutions to our problems with unprecedented understanding, from dealing with the pandemic to solving systemic racism, from healing the planet to bridging the divide between differing perspectives.
We need that spark to initiate the changes, give us energy, and light the flame of inspiration and determination as we step forward together to heal our world.
Fire Transforms
In the health science of Ayurveda, the fire element in our bodies governs all forms of transformation, from digesting our food to deeper metabolic processes in our cells. Fire transforms.
2020 and today’s current events reveal many things that are ready to be burned away in our consciousness as well as our society. Illusions and obstacles are kindling and wood that are ready to be put on the fire and allow to be transformed within us.
When the wood burns, it leaves us with ash. In a fire ceremony in the Hindu tradition, many things are offered to the fire, which represent both our devotion as well as these rough places within us that no longer serve us. The transformed ash that remains is considered sacred – a blessing. Notice what ash may be left behind in new perceptions and inner peace, as you allow these unnecessary places within you to transform in the sacred fire.
And remember always that the Phoenix rises from the ashes – in fact, it can’t be reborn without that transformative fire.
The Divine Light
That friction within us created the spark of awakening, built the heat of necessary energy to create change, transformed us, and ignites our Divine Light within. When we strike a match – the friction – and light a candle, we can see in a dark room.
Light brings clarity. What was previously obscured is revealed clearly in the light of a fire or lantern. The more light, the more we can see, recognize, and know.
This light within us is actually lit by the very dark places within us that created enough friction to spark it. And in fact, this Divine Light shows us the way in the darkness. Many feel that we are living through a dark time. Allow that inner Light to show you the path to healing and empowerment through these challenges.
The clarity and vision that this spark of Light brings will reveal to us our inner Truth. This is the spiritual Truth that is beyond the appearances in the world, or even what we believe about ourselves. Allow it to be illumined within you. Listen to your intuition and see beyond fear and projections. There is a higher truth at hand when we tap into that inner Light.
As we allow the friction of this last year to continue to light a fire within us, recognize that you can be that beacon for others. Let this “fire by friction” give you energy and cleanse the perceived darkness. Although the legacy of 2020 has been difficult, it’s not been in vain. It has initiated a powerful process. Through this burning away of our limitations and fears, our inner Light will shine forth, illuminate the way for others, and spark inspiration and a higher vision for our world. 🙏
by Connie Habash | Jul 14, 2020 | Acceptance, Attachment, Challenges, Choices, Contentment, Destiny, Determination, Nonattachment, Suffering, Yoga Philosophy
Spiritual, psychological, and yogic insights from Hamilton, an iconic musical so applicable to our times.
Like millions of others over the 4th of July weekend, I watched – for the first time! – the Broadway hit musical, Hamilton. I knew it would be great, but had no idea how much it would impact me, and the many insights it revealed about my life and our world, right now. As the song from the musical says, “History Has Its Eyes on You” and me, as I’ll explain below.
Beyond the amazing music, acting, choreography, set, and costumes, so many themes, both personal and spiritual, emerged for me from this theatrical experience. It touched deep emotions and issues that resurfaced from this story about Alexander Hamilton’s life.
Just in case you don’t know, Alexander Hamilton was one of the “founding fathers” of the United States of America. He isn’t talked about as much because he was never a President (as an immigrant, he never could be), but his face does make the $10 bill due to being our first Secretary of the Treasury. His life was as fascinating as it was impactful on the beginnings of our nation – making a powerful story to convey through a musical, much to the surprise of many when it first debuted.
This is a bit of a different blog post than I usually write (and longer, too), and I have to admit that it swam around in me for over a week and I resisted. I avoided and was overwhelmed. It touched old pain in me, and also old patterns that I thought I had laid to rest long ago. I feel that by writing this, I’m helping to close those chapters again and put to rest my obsession for the last week and a half with this story.
I won’t be able to tell you the full tale, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s well worth it. Here’s my insights that arose for me from watching it (with references to the songs so you can have some of your own experience).
Is it Destiny? Is it Determination?
Hamilton begins with a bit of personal history about how he grew up, which lays context for how and why he does what he does with his life. The first lines of the musical:
How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore
And a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot
In the Caribbean by providence impoverished
In squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?
His father left him when he was 10, his mother died two years later, he moved in with his cousin and his cousin committed suicide. Wow. What a painful beginning to life, and a testament to how he pulled himself up by his own bootstraps, against all adversity. He immigrated to the United States from the Carribean to make a name for himself and contribute to the American Revolution.
His fervor for pursuing both his principles and notoriety were fueled by this spirit of surviving and thriving in him. It was principle, but also pride. His hubris took him very far in influence and the public eye, but also was his undoing.
He wondered why he had lived, when others around him died. It brings up a question of destiny vs. determination. Did he will himself to survive, even through a hurricane? It seems that both were in play.
We are often, in spiritual circles, playing with these ideas – of “creating your reality” or being affected by karma. Through Hamilton, we can see them both manifest; he survives through tremendous adversity that is out of his control – perhaps fate? – but clearly creates both his great success (as the theme of the song “My Shot” reprises throughout the musical) and his ultimate demise through insistence on speaking his full and complete truth.
His Adversary – and Flip Side of the Coin
Aaron Burr – Hamilton’s first friend in America, and eventual enemy – plays a pivotal role in the musical, and ultimately, in Hamilton’s life and death. Just as ambitious as Hamilton, Burr takes a very different tactic to work towards his goals: restraint. He tries not to ruffle any feathers, smiles, talks less, and tries to figure out what other people want from him.
Burr is stunned – and jealous – by Alexander’s meteoric rise to fame and power from sheer determination and deftness with the pen. But Burr sticks by his philosophy to “Wait for It.” He’s willing to be patient, bide his time, and trust that he’ll eventually receive the accolades he desperately longs for (and the woman he is in love with, too).
Raga and Dvesha, At It Again
At first, I thought there was merit in Burr’s patience. After all, it is a spiritual quality, no? But looking more deeply, as the musical progresses, I see that Burr is caught in the same egoic drive as Hamilton, but he is simply coming at his ambition from the other direction.
It reminds me of the yogic concepts of Raga (desire) and Dvesha (aversion). You could actually think of both concepts as desire, but Raga is desire expressed by attraction to what you want, and Dvesha as desire expressed as avoiding what you don’t want so that you can experience what you want. These concepts are two of the causes of suffering according to yoga philosophy, and understandably so. There’s never an end to what we could desire nor is there any shortage of what we’d like to avoid (especially during these COVID-19 days).
Hamilton’s life seems driven by Raga. It’s all about his desire for recognition, intellectual prowess, fame, position, and even his flirtatious and sexual distractions. He’s never satisfied – and more on that shortly.
Burr likewise is obsessed with what he wants (expressed later in the musical in the song, “The Room Where It Happens”) – attention, recognition, power – but his path is one of trying to avoid upsetting anyone or taking any risks. Dvesha runs his life, and he even believes it’s a virtue by convincing himself he’s just patiently waiting for it. But patience is only a virtue when we are able to practice non-attachment to outcome. True patience is trusting in the Divine, knowing that the result is in our highest good, no matter what unfolds. For Burr, in his own way, he’s never satisfied, either, no matter how long he “Waits for It.”
Contentment? Not Here!
One of the most emotional moments of the musical, that hit home in so many ways, was when Angelica, who becomes Hamilton’s sister in law, sings “Satisfied.” She, too, has Hamilton’s disposition – knowing she’s smarter than most others, and ambitious, too, she wishes for her sister, Eliza, and Hamilton’s satisfaction in their marriage, although she knows both Hamilton and herself will likely never be satisfied.
My favorite spiritual principle from yoga philosophy, which I return to again and again, is contentment – Santosha – and I can see how that lack of contentment wrecks havoc in the lives of Hamilton, Burr, and Angelica. It’s been a painful one for me, too, as my pattern from early childhood was to always be seeking more and trying to be more. Although, in a small way, it has brought me success, many years ago I recognized that this discontent as my driver (and the inner self-doubt that was its constant companion) caused me a lot of misery and couldn’t carry me to true satisfaction. Only through Santosha could I find peace and fulfillment in the present moment.
I can’t help crying when I hear Angelica singing this song. How many of us have suffered from the inability to feel Santosha – to allow ourselves to feel content with what is, rather than always longing for something else, something more.
George Washington’s Integrity
I know GW was a slave holder and not a perfect man, but here in the musical (and honoring his great contributions to creating our nation), I felt he was a holder of integrity, clarity, and vision. You could feel the power of his leadership. It never appeared self-serving nor dissatisfied, but clearly focused on the goal. He had a vision and sense of intent in his actions that was powerful, and if the historical figure indeed was similar, I can see how he was the perfect leader to carry these young colonies through the Revolutionary War.
Later in the musical and in time, Washington steps down from the Presidency as he refused to run for a third term. He knew when he had done enough, and was a peace with it – an expression, for me, of Santosha. Content with having done his best, he was able to let it go, trusting in the new process of the government he helped to create, and setting the example for a change in power.
I probably cried the most with the song, “History Has Its Eyes on You.” Such an intense and moving connecting between Washington and Hamilton in that moment, and it is carried forth as a theme through the rest of the musical. The importance of that phrase stuck with me, right now in our history of the world, and in our personal lives. I’ll get to more of that near the end of this post.
The World Turned Upside Down
The song about the final battle, the Battle of Yorktown, has the refrain “The World Turned Upside Down”. This one was really moving for me, too – such an amazing theatrical portrayal of the battle and the transformation our country and the world underwent through defeating the British and winning our freedom.
I couldn’t help but reflect on the state of our own world right now. For most of us, it really does feel like our world has turned upside down. Whether you’re looking at climate change, Black Lives Matter, our political system, or COVID-19, we’ve been met with surprise and shock and stun all year long, and it doesn’t look like it will let up. In every case, it’s really up to us to right the ship, on a new course. We can’t go back. For me, the song is a reminder that we’re in a challenging time and it’s up to us, just like it was up to the young Americans, to do something about it.
It also happens to be my favorite song in the musical. 🙂 Um, maybe?
[just have to mention a couple asides: though I don’t have any spiritual thoughts about it, the songs that King George sings are stellar and hysterical! And my favorite actor is Daveed Diggs, whose portrayals of Lafayette and Jefferson were the most fun and memorable for me.]
Loss and Pain
As if I didn’t cry enough through the first act, I was sobbing through most of the second act. So many losses – the death of his son through a duel, the death of his friend John Laurens (maybe in the 1st act?), the loss of the love of his wife after he cheated on her. The downward spiral that Hamilton seemed stuck in was painful to watch, right down to his own demise from a duel (another egoic trap – weren’t all duels?).
I find it hard to imagine that it wouldn’t touch on everyone’s losses in their life; the loved ones that have died, the hurt done to us, and the things we’ve done that have hurt others.
Hamilton made an extraordinary impact on the birth of our nation – but he also hurt a lot of people, too. The power of one person to build up or destroy. He’s a mixed bag. Most of us are, and fortunately not as extreme as he is. His wife forgave him, and carried on service to the country for 50 years after his death.
It’s humbling to consider how she turned her pain and loss into caring for the greater good, by standing up against slavery, raising funds for building the Washington Monument, and founding an orphanage in New York, which is still there to this day. And, of course, compiling his writings and telling Hamilton’s story for generations to come to learn from. We, too, can transform our pain and losses – even our mistakes – into growth and lessons for how to better care for others, our planet, and even ourselves. We don’t have to stay stuck in the sorrow.
Burr’s Revelation
Burr’s political career slowed after he killed Hamilton in a duel. I don’t know what happened to the actual Burr, but in the musical he realizes that the “World Was Wide Enough” for both Hamilton and Burr. This is a spiritual realization of sorts.
The truth is that there’s enough room for all of us to make a difference and fulfill our purpose. Each of us has something to contribute. It’s easy for us to get jealous or competitive with people who follow a similar path or career. But there really is room for us all, and not just room, but we’re all needed. Each of us has a role to play – Burr did, too.
It doesn’t matter if we’re the one getting all the attention or not – only the choices that we make in our lives and what we choose to contribute matter. What other people think or say is not just unimportant – it’s not in our control. But we can decide to write our own story.
History is Written by You
I mentioned earlier that the theme from the song “History Has Its Eyes on You” is woven through the second half of the musical. These young revolutionaries knew they would alter the course of history, and so they should be mindful of the choices they make.
We’re at a pivotal time in our world history right now, too. Each of us is contributing to what will be told a hundred years from now. It wasn’t just the founding fathers, but the collective actions of the American colonists – women and men – that changed our trajectory. We have those choices now, with the leadership of our nation, creating true equality, overcoming corona virus, and healing our planet.
We can learn from the stories we hear of Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr. One was passionate, spoke out for the truth, but was never satisfied and hurt many. The other was patient and kept his thoughts to himself, didn’t offend, and didn’t take risks (except for killing Hamilton, a bad decision), but may not have lived up to his potential and likewise wasn’t content with his life.
Can we find the middle ground? We can discover how to speak our truth and be empowered from our own heart, rather than through putting down others. We can learn to wait patiently, trust in the Divine, and let go of our attachment to outcome. We can take action on what truly matters to us without expecting perfection, and let it be good enough. Like George Washington, we can do our best and then let it go when it’s time to step back.
You Tell Your Story
The musical ends with one of the most moving pieces, “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story?” These are the things that we don’t have control over. At a certain point, we must surrender control to something greater than us, and simply do our best in each present moment.
I doubt anyone will be telling my story in a hundred years, and what does that matter? What’s important is our own stories we write of our lives. Every day, we’re telling our own story. Is it one that you enjoy, that you feel proud of? That’s meaningful to you? That has touched your heart and soul, and that of at least one other in this world? Your story matters, because it is yours. It’s your life, and you get to create your story.
You can change your own history, right now. We can’t control who tells our story, if anyone, after we die. But right in this moment, we can live our story. If you don’t like the story so far, you can start a new chapter right now. You are the author, and you can be who you came here to be. No one else can write it for you – you’re the only one who has the power to do so.
Take inspiration from Eliza Hamilton, who committed to living her principles and making a difference, in spite of all the pain she suffered. Imagine if each of us did that. Our collective story can be one of healing, unity, and peace. And that’s a story that will be heard in a hundred years. Our History Has Its Eyes on You and Me.
Thanks for reading my insights from Hamilton. What impacted you from watching Hamilton? What spiritual themes did you see? I’d love to hear from you.
by Connie Habash | Jun 4, 2020 | Aliveness, Awareness, Beauty, Challenges, Change, Meditation, Nature, Presence, Transformation
As I’m writing this, we are coming to the end of the first phase of our shelter-in-place for corona virus, and restrictions are beginning to lift. Everyone is looking forward to going back to “normal” – but that’s not what I’m thinking at all.
In fact, there’s a lot about “normal” that I am not interested in going back to, both in my own personal life and in our planetary experience. Instead, let’s stop fully in the present moment to assess what’s true, and step forward into the extraordinary!
For weeks, we’ve been under a state of worry, fear, and certainly restriction with the corona virus pandemic. Here in California, where I live, everyone has sheltered in place, and the news is full of the latest statistics, struggles, and losses. I turned off the news weeks ago – I can read what I need to know, but I want to fill my consciousness with someone other than corona virus.
This shelter in place time, however, has been a blessing – and a challenge – for me. That’s because, right at the time we had to shelter in place, I also became ill. Not with corona virus, fortunately, but with hyperthyroidism. As a result, I got the double-whammy. I felt amped up all the time. My heart pounded, was erratic, and I was very weak – at one point, I couldn’t take more than one step on the stairs before I had to pause and wait for my heart to settle back down. My body felt hot, and I struggled night after night with insomnia. At times, my heart pounded so hard that it was painful and terrifying. No wonder it’s known also to cause anxiety, both physiologically as well as from the worry about the physical symptoms!
So I was forced to sit. I couldn’t exercise, not even a gentle yoga pose, for a few weeks. I sat on the couch and in the garden, and I rested a lot.
But mostly, I reflected, introspected, and processed what was happening to me and why. I knew there was a gift here in this scary illness that halted my life, and a gift in the shelter in place.
Woe is Me
It would have been easy to get stuck in “woe is me,” the victim consciousness of “why is this happening to me?” and feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like a victim of circumstance, and powerless.
Woe means distress and suffering. There was plenty of that to go around. But I didn’t need to see my life that way.
Many of us have been lured into this state, feeling scared about the corona virus, helpless and out of control. Yes, there’s a lot out of our control. But our mental state – the thoughts we chose to believe – is something we have volition over. We have the ability to choose what we focus on and create our experience of what is happening intentionally.
I knew I didn’t want to be caught up in the collective “woe is me” mentality that the media was encouraging with every frightening story about statistics and suffering. I certainly had a lot of compassion for those who were suffering physically, financially, and who lost loved ones to the virus. I, too, had lost income and my well-being for a period of time. But I knew we weren’t stuck in a terrible state, unless I allowed myself to focus on those thoughts.
I knew there was something other than “woe is me” that I could experience about my condition and the world.
Whoa!
The Universe actually gave me a gift – not just for me, but for many of us. It offered a situation where we all had to come full-stop. When you’re horseback riding and you want your horse to stop, you say “Whoa.” So I shifted from “woe is me” to “whoa.”
My life had come to almost a standstill, and there was an opportunity here. I always look at what comes my way as some sort of gift, or at least an opportunity. With being forced by my illness to stop seeing clients and everything else that I was doing, it was time to take a good look at my life and what I was creating.
“Whoa” stops us in our tracks and gives us the opportunity to become Present. Until we are fully present – with our attention and awareness right here in this moment – we can’t really know ourselves. I had to stop and ask myself some important questions:
- What may have caused my condition?
- What do I really value?
- Who do I want to BE?
- What changes do I need to make in my life?
I don’t have the answers to all of these yet, and I know it will be a work in progress ongoing. But I came to some clear realizations as I sat, and sat, and sat.
- I discovered that hyperthyroidism is often associated with precipitating stress. I knew that I was overloading my schedule – doing too much, too fast, with too much pressure on myself. This was not the “normal” I wanted to go back to. I needed to slow down, be more present (my life lesson!), and do less.
- My meditation and yoga practice needed to return to the top of the list. It has felt so good to prioritize my meditations in the morning. I feel my mind and soul quieting down and opening up a spaciousness in me. Yoga is returning slowly, as my strength and stamina build in my physical recovery from hyperthyroidism. I’ve noticed that when I make time for yoga, whether during the day or before bed, I sleep better, in addition to feeling more alive and at ease in my body.
- Two of my most important values, which are related, are supporting a vibrant ecosystem and eating healthy: therefore, I needed to commit to cooking at home with local, organic, ethical and sustainable food. As a result, I have been learning to prepare meals and step out of my comfort zone with cooking. We are eating food that’s not only tasty, but I feel good about on all levels. My daughter and I have started an organic vegetable and fruit garden. We feel good about growing and nurturing this life right in our yard, and spending more time outdoors not just with the plants but the animals as well. We have created a bird bath that is frequented by many different species, and are currently fostering two swallowtail butterfly caterpillars into their transformation. We’re reconnecting with nature right here at home, and our whole family is rejoicing about it.
- I knew that, although I don’t buy as much “stuff” as the average American, I still had too much. I needed to spend less and only purchase what I need. In fact, as I looked back at March and April of my illness and shelter in place, 90% of what I spent money on was food and healthcare. That was true to how I wanted to live – sure, from time to time I’ll need to replace “things”, but overall, that’s all I really need.
- I let my creativity and joy drop off my short list, too. So it was time to break out the art materials and draw mandalas, create pastels, dance, and sing! To spend time listening to the birds, and playing games with my family. Prioritizing joy and creative pursuits were vital to my happiness and thriving.
- And now, with the recent killing of George Floyd and the consequential protests to bring light (again) to racism and unconscionable killing of black people has me reflecting more deeply on my white privilege, understanding racism, and what I need to change in my consciousness.
It’s a plenty big Whoa. What a gift it has been to stop, be Present, and see with this clarity. And then to take action by educating myself, learning new skills, spending time with my family, and growing past my edge of comfort. Not perfectly, and it’s not “done” (will always be a work in progress), but I have created a shift that feels sustainable and in alignment with my True Self.
Whoa is Me!
As I step forward from my pause in Presence, I feel a sense of inspiration. I shift from full stop with Whoa! to that form of Whoa that is amazement, delight, and awe.
I feel Whoa! not just about my inner journey and personal realizations, but also my physical body. I have been watching Dr. Zach Bush recently in some interviews, who predicted the corona virus outbreak and is passionate about the microbiome of our bodies and the planet. In our body, we have trillions of cells; but we also have quadrillions of microorganisms that support our flourishing on the planet. Without those bacteria, fungi, and yes, viruses, within us, we wouldn’t be able to survive. A strong, balanced microbiome, in both the soil and in our gut and other systems of the body, keeps us and the ecosystem in healthy, thriving balance.
For me, that was a Whoa! moment. I felt so grateful for all of this life within me, working harmoniously together (when it’s in proper balance, of course) for my well-being. I knew I was healing on many levels. The consciousness of all these microscopic beings was serving the higher good of the community of what I call my body. I embraced my body with tremendous love and appreciation, for all these organisms and processes that I didn’t quite understand, but I knew created the miracle of what we call life..
We are truly a community – we can’t separate ourselves from the air we breathe, the water we imbibe, the food that emerged from nutrient-rich soil (we hope – with organic, local, and regenerative farming), the sun that gives our planet light and energy, and the entire web of life. We can’t ultimately separate ourselves from each other as human beings, for we all come from the same stuff of the Universe. That is truly Whoa!
And within me – and you, and all of us – we have the ability to create anew, with each breath and each moment. We are conscious, Divine beings, and can decide who we want to be and what we want to contribute to life. We can intentionally choose what we want to do with our time, energy, and gifts, and how to apply them to the greater good. With the power to change our thoughts, attention, intention, and actions, we can transform our experience of life, and together, even transform our world.
We don’t need a lot. We may believe we don’t live in a big enough space to support what we truly want, or that we don’t have enough money, time, or energy. But we don’t need a lot of real estate, money, energy, or even clout.
Think of the last time you walked down a street and saw a weed growing in a crack in the pavement. We’ve all seen that, and maybe you’ve wondered, how did that dandelion grow there? It doesn’t even look like a millimeter of space in that crack. Yet it grows.
It finds a way to flourish, even in those conditions. It may seem like there can’t be enough soil, there’s not enough space, and there certainly isn’t enough water in there. But the dandelion isn’t thinking those thoughts. It finds the crack, and it knows what is possible. It grows because it knows. It only needs just enough room for the seed to slip in, and it believes it can thrive. So it does.
We all can, too. Even if there’s just a little crack in your life, that’s more than enough space for your thought of creation to slip in and germinate, if you know who you really are. If you open up to the awe of your Divine self, the infinite possibilities that lie within you and before you. If you know, believe, and put your focus on what you want to grow. Whoa Is Me! That’s who you are: an amazing, awe-inspiring consciousness that came here to Be who you Are. And you can make a difference in the world.
Don’t Go Back to Normal
If you find yourself, from time to time, stuck in “Woe is Me”, don’t judge yourself. Instead, embrace yourself with compassion. Then, stop – Whoa! – and be present. Ask yourself the important questions, and give yourself time to gain clarity and your new vision. You can write a new story in your life and for the planet. Recognize that you have unimagined possibilities within you, waiting for you to just give them a crack of space and attention to flourish. Then, exclaim to yourself, Whoa is Me! Be inspired by the gift of this life and your ability to create your vision.
Don’t go back to “normal”. Together, we can change the story and go forward into an extraordinary life and an extraordinary world.
by Connie Habash | Jun 6, 2019 | Anxiety, Awareness, Challenges, Consciousness, Depression, Listening
A bit of Marie Kondo-style decluttering – in my home, and in my soul – was what I needed to shift out of a bad mood and back into enthusiasm and joy. Here’s how I did it.
Today, I woke up in an unmotivated, depressed, dour funk. A complete surprise.
I dragged myself to the gym, hoping the workout would be enough to shift me out of the doldrums. On the treadmill, I pondered why I felt down. After all, I thoroughly enjoyed teaching my meditation and mindfulness workshop over the weekend (shout out to all of you enthusiastic folks at SRVUMC!), I spent time outside in sit spot, one of my favorite nature-connection practices, and I’m feeling more settled in to my new office. What was up?
Listening to My Feelings
Part of it was the long list of to-dos for my book launch… but that was also exciting to me, so I knew it wasn’t the whole story behind my sluggishness and lack of enthusiasm. It was time to pull out one of my time-tested practices that comprises the 5th key in my book, Awakening from Anxiety: listening to my anxiety!
I wasn’t exactly feeling anxiety, but this technique works for any emotion, so I spent some time listening to my inner Self speak through the depressed, lethargic feeling and energy in my body. And it was a clear message – decluttering is in order!
How many of you have been hearing about Marie Kondo a lot lately? I know a number of my clients and students have been talking about her show on Netflix, “Tidying Up”. Although I haven’t actually watched a full episode, I’m definitely familiar with the power of decluttering from Feng Shui. I have applied some of the concepts I’ve learned from Denise Linn to clear space in the home in order to open up and increase energy and well-being.
Clear De-cluttering Directions!
My inner Self gave me clear direction – fold the laundry, give away an old chair, and move the long table to the upstairs hallway. After having to vacate my office of 7 years and shift to subletting from other therapists, all my furniture from my old office ended up dumped in our home yoga space… and now there wasn’t any space!
As soon as I got home, I got to work, implementing the directives. Fold laundry (and put away) – check. Move the furniture and give things away – in progress. Immediately, I started to feel better! And I had the energy to work on this newsletter.
But that wasn’t the only thing I needed to declutter. The stuff, the material things, was just on the outside. I needed to listen further to the apathy and depression, and allow it to help me on a deeper level. Yes, “negative” emotions can actually help us. From my chapter on “Listening to Your Anxiety”:
“Anxiety has a message for you, if you take the time to listen and receive it. It actually wants to be your helper, letting you know what needs tending to in your life. In fact, renaming anxiety as your helper or protector is a lot less negative and can change your perspective on your fears. It certainly is more pleasant to think of listening to your helper than listening to your anxiety, isn’t it?”
The Thoughts Under the Apathy Within
My helper, it turns out, had a lot to say! I listened to my apathy within. It let me know that I had allowed myself to accumulate some unhelpful thoughts in my consciousnesss: there were a number of things in my heart and soul that needed decluttering. Thoughts I’ve held onto that were putting me in the doldrums. Here are some of the perceptions and ideas that revealed themselves for clearing out:
- I have to do this (a sure winner – guaranteed to make you NOT want to do something)
- There’s too much (usually shuts me down and stops me from taking action)
- No one cares (ditto)
- I don’t know where to start (which is just a cover for “I don’t really want to start”, because honestly I could start anywhere)
- Nothing interests me (which is a cover for “I’d rather be doing something else”)
Well, that was quite a good start. Because once I became clear about the thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions within me that are causing my suffering, then I could actually do something about it. These weren’t news to me – I’d encountered them before – but my inner Self helped me with shifting out of them readily.
First of all, by reminding myself that I really don’t have to do anything, except breathe. And actually, breathing sounded rather nice at the moment. So I stopped to breathe and feel my body, emotions, and surroundings.
One Thing at a Time
There was still quite a mess in my surroundings. So my inner Self reminded me that the practice is always one thing at a time. We all know this. We probably taught our kids this. But my habit is often to see everything that I have to do all at once, and that sure is overwhelming.
So I look at one sheet that needs to be folded, and do that. Very doable. Each one at a time action is easy. And kind of fun, when I’m fully present, immersed in the moment and the simple pleasures of doing what is in front of me.
This one at a time, fully present approach dealt with most of those thoughts right off the bat. I could choose what one thing I wanted to do next. No have-tos. When I saw too much, I just came back to one thing. It was lovely to notice that I actually had more interest in what I was doing by being fully present with my breath and the mindful movement of bringing the ends of the sheet together, fold, flip, repeat.
After several one-at-a-time things, there was less clutter, and the overwhelm softened. My energy increased.
Dealing with the Last Remaining Issue
But one last thought loomed – “no one cares.” Here’s where a little sneaky Byron Katie technique came in, called The Work. The Work is a transformative process of 4 questions and a “turn-around” that has also impacted my life. I decided this one thought, “no one cares,” would benefit from the process.
Is it true? Well, no. Of course I could think of people that cared, so that nailed the first two questions (Is it True? Can you be completely certain that it’s true?). I was seeing clearly the 3rd question, how it was impacting me and my life when I believed it, because it was bringing my energy down and depressing me. And it was also obvious to me that if I didn’t have that thought (question 4), I’d be out there, doing what I love to do and helping people release their stress, anxiety, and spiritually awaken.
The Turnaround
I knew that the turnaround, that last process in The Work, would shift me into a new trajectory. If “no one cares” isn’t true, what might be? One truth might be that people do care. There are people in my life that care about me, and there are also people that care about getting unstuck from anxiety or depression that would really like my assistance. There are people who find that what I have to offer makes a difference. It helped some to remember this.
But that wasn’t really the biggest turnaround.
The biggest one was “I don’t care.” Wow, that’s not pleasant to look at. What don’t I care about? As I looked at the messy state of our house, the pile of stuff on my desk, the list of things I was avoiding, and my exhaustion from sleep deprivation, it was pretty clear. I didn’t care about me. My heart and soul felt down because everything else received my energy and attention except me. I wasn’t caring for myself sufficiently, let alone my home. I was running around doing all the things I thought I “should, have-to, am supposed-to” do and neglecting myself.
Yeesh.
But what a great realization; I needed to care more for and about me. It’s so ridiculously obvious, but hey, we all backslide from time to time. We all forget to do the things that nurture us. Myself included.
Our Emotions are Our Helpers
That’s why we have emotions like anxiety, anger, and depression – they are our helpers, trying to get our attention. They’re here to remind us of what really matters. Sometimes, those emotions are nudging (or slapping!) us into a brand new insight. But often, it’s bringing to our awareness things that we “know,” but forget or don’t bother to do. As long as we listen to what we’re feeling and do our best to discern its message, we can get back on track.
I don’t need deep revelations every time I check in with my inner Self. Sometimes, it’s just a simple reminder to return to what I need, or about what I truly value. My home, my life, and my soul needed some decluttering, and that was all it took to shift my mood.
What decluttering is your soul calling for?
by Connie Habash | Feb 28, 2019 | anger, Anxiety, Challenges, Depression, Empowerment, Grief, Release, relief
Let’s face it – we all go through difficult times. Everyone experiences some pain, whether physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional, at some point in their life.
During those challenging times, our tendency is to grasp for relief. Just like when we get a headache or our back is in pain, we reach for the ibuprofen to alleviate the discomfort. We want it to go away, quickly.
I’m grateful for the Tylenol during those times when I needed pain relief, fast. But we know what can happen when the medicine wears off. There’s always a chance that it will come back. Then, we’re faced with the same choice again – reach for the relief.
The Problem with the Relief Approach
There’s a limitation, a bit of a problem with this approach, especially when it comes to emotional pain. Painkillers don’t deal with the cause of the problem. They are just symptom relief. That relief is appreciated, but it’s not changing the source of the problem.
Immediate pain relief with emotions doesn’t work as cleanly as it does with ibuprofen. Unfortunately, some people turn towards drugs, alcohol, food, spending, or gambling to alleviate the pain. As with the ibuprofen, it may work for a while. But it always wears off, and then we’re faced with the depression, anxiety, anger, worry, or grief again.
If each of us knew there was a choice – if we knew there was a more effective way out that had lasting power – we wouldn’t be seeking relief so much. We’d be looking for release.
Release is Empowering
Relief is quick, but temporary. It depends on something outside of us – a medication, an addiction, or a quick feel-good action to distract us. Release takes longer. Sometimes quite a bit longer. It requires us to work at it and develop the skills and tools necessary to let go. But it’s within our power. We’re the ones learning to release. We’re the ones in charge and capable of letting go of the hurt, anger, and stress.
The best thing about the choice to release is that it’s sustainable and renewable. Release is a skill you can develop. As you practice it, over time you get better at it. When life becomes painful again, you know exactly what to do – you already have the skill to know how to release, if you’re willing to keep practicing and working at it. That’s empowering.
Release comes from within you, not outside of you. If you’re clenching a stone in your fist, only you can gently open your hand and release it. If someone has to pry it out of your hand, that’s not called release. That’s force and force isn’t always healing.
Relief works at the surface. It numbs the nerves so you don’t feel what’s going on. Sometimes, it provides a brief and needed respite. But it doesn’t seek the roots. Release practices, which aim at transformation at the ground level, seek the source of the situation. They help you to reconfigure the foundation from which that pain arose so that those emotions don’t consume you like they used to. They won’t be totally numbed out: what’s different is that you’ll be bigger than those emotions; you’ll see clearly where they arise from, and you’re empowered to move through them consciously into a more expansive sense of yourself.
A Bit of Relief, a Lot of Release
I see my work as a therapist as a little bit of relief, and a lot of release. Of course, we want to alleviate the pain. Nevertheless, I want my clients to leave sessions feeling more capable and empowered, to have practices and a new perspective that shifts them out of the old, painful patterns. Into more joyful, calm, and fulfilled ways of living.
As a yoga teacher, the approach is the same. We can bring more ease to the body through an hour yoga practice. But the real transformation comes from shifting our mental state to release physical and mental habits that create tension, and invoking meditative and mindful practices that bring about inner peace.
It’s OK if you want some relief. We all do. But don’t stop there. Rather than finding yourself back at square one again when the relief wears off, use that time of relief to create lasting, empowering change. Find someone to assist you in releasing the patterns that keep you stuck and suffering, so that you become the source of your own relief, and greater, transformative release.
Want to get started? I wrote my book, Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life, to give you some of those tools to release worry, stress, overwhelm, and fear, and find your inner place of calm. Or Contact Me about upcoming online programs designed to bring deep healing and release.
This post, on doubt (samshaya) is the second of a 9-part series on the obstacles to spiritual practice, from verse 1:30 of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras:
We’re challenged with our differences these days – they have caused a great divide in our world. Polarization appears to be intensifying, and it’s difficult to have conversations with people of opposing views. Here are two keys to turning things around so that we can listen as well as communicate and resolve the national and planetary problems together.
Most everyone can agree that being authentic – at least in my world – is essential to living a happy and fulfilling life. But do we really know what authenticity means, and how it plays out in our lives? Here are my thoughts on true authenticity.
Do you struggle with self-judgment? You’re not alone. It’s a fallacy to believe that you have to judge yourself in order to change. Here’s a more gentle and transformative way.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. You’ve probably heard that saying. The first time I did was in graduate school back in the 90’s. It has held true. I haven’t been exempt from that tendency to want something different, but not being willing to do anything about it. Yet, if we want something to change in our lives, we need to make a change in ourselves.
A bit of Marie Kondo-style decluttering – in my home, and in my soul – was what I needed to shift out of a bad mood and back into enthusiasm and joy. Here’s how I did it.
Let’s face it – we all go through difficult times. Everyone experiences some pain, whether physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional, at some point in their life.
