by Connie Habash | Feb 18, 2023 | Articles, Ecopsychology, Self, Spirituality
Recently, I have noticed more authors and writers choosing to put their name in lowercase letters (like bell hooks, or adrienne maree brown). I found it annoying and didn’t understand. I like rules of grammar and following rules – I think it gives me a sense of safety (well, that’s what rules and laws are for after all!). So why couldn’t they just follow the rules?!
But I wanted to understand. So I did some research which led me to explore the historical, political, ecological, and spiritual significance of capitalizing our self-prescribing pronoun, “I” (and why we might want to consider “i” instead).
As I did my search for “why do people not capitalize their name” on Google, I came upon danah michele boyd’s webpage on the subject. She had a lot of interesting and worthy reasons for changing her name into all lowercase that I hadn’t considered, because “I follow the rules”! I never questioned the concept. I still think it’s a lot easier to read someone’s name in a sentence if it is capitalized (I struggle reading articles about bell hooks for that reason).
While I strongly prefer names to be capitalized, I can now understand why someone wouldn’t – perhaps most importantly to de-emphasize the significance of who the author is and turn our attention more to their content (although, to be honest, I end up staring at their name over and over and trying to let the lowercase settle into my brain). It makes sense and I respect it after I reflected on their reasons.
Capitalizing “I”
But something that boyd said about “I”, our first-person, self-identifying pronoun, made me stop in my tracks.
Ever since i was a kid, i was told that the world does not revolve around me, yet our written culture is telling me something entirely different. Why not capitalize ‘we’ or ‘they’?…
And then a quote by journalist Sydney J. Harris that she interjected:
It’s odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which “I” is capitalized; in many other languages “You” is capitalized and the “i” is lower case.
The English language emphasizes “I” in a way no other major language does. It’s also fascinating that our first-person pronoun is only one letter. Even if not capitalized, it stands out among words – the only other single-letter word is a. So we reference ourselves with one simple sound, captured in written language by one simple letter, and we capitalize it.
Giving Importance to Self, the “I”
This has an impact on our psyche and consciousness. It gives high importance to “I”, the sense of self, every time we read it, even if we’re not aware of it.
Which is why my friend and healer/ceremonial leader, Denzal Santana, uses a different word but the same pronunciation: “Eye”. He says:
I tend to use “Eye” (poetically) instead of “I” to place the ego aside, to stay humble, present, non-selfish, and acknowledging the all seeing God within, and without.
Over the years, in the line of work/service we offer (i.e. mediation teacher, ceremonial leader etc) there have been many testimonials given, praises, and positive feedback, expressed to us, which can inflate the ego, (if a person is not aware/carfeful), tricking us to believe that it is “I” “me” that is doing the work, “I” am special “I” am bad ass, etc, forgetting that it is God or a Higher Power working through our vessel/body temple doing the work to assist in the Uplift, of the human consciousness .
By shifting our sense of self to the Divine Eye, seeing and expressing through all of us, we perceive ourselves and all life differently. We see with sacred eyes the miracle of creation and the Divine within everyone and everything. “Eye” see with the larger perspective, rather than my myopic focus on the individual self.
The other interesting thing about the emphasis in our written language – and in our culture – on the capital “I” and individualism, is that it simultaneously creates separation. The “not-I”.
By giving “I” prominence, we focus on our separation, our difference between the self and everything else. It is an outpicturing of the rampant sense of disconnection and loneliness that we experience in our very individualistic culture. Furthermore, “Not-I” has led to war, racism, genocide, and ecological destruction.
The “We” – Greening of the Self-Concept
Imagine if “We” were capitalized in the middle of a sentence instead of i? This shifts us out of individualistic focus to collective belonging. I could extend that “We” to all beings on the planet, not just human beings. This brings up the importance of ecopsychology and, as Joanna Macy calls it, the “Greening of the Self”.
We are, in Joanna Macy’s words, “beyond that skin-encapsulated ego.” From the perspective of systems theory, the “self (“I”) is “inseparable from the web of relationships that sustain it.” This leads to the understanding that “there is no logical or scientific basis for construing one part of the experienced world as ‘me’ and the rest as ‘other’.” (World As Lover, World As Self, pp. 135, 136 and 139).
The Greening of the Self is expansion of the understanding of “I” to include All That Is. For we drink the waters from the glaciers and rains, we breathe the oxygen given to us by plant life, we eat those same plants or of the animals who have, we walk on the soil and grow our food in it. From this systems perspective, all that exists on our planet is related to us, our relatives. We are created from the same elements and living together in one ecosystem – and we might say greater consciousness – that we call the Earth.
As I sit with the word “I”, and all these perspectives on the prominence and impact of its capitalization in the English language, I’m uncertain whether I will change how I write it. But I am clear that there is a desire to transform my self-concept. To shift away from the cultural focus on “I, me, and mine”, and towards a collective consciousness that honors our interconnectedness and interdependence with others and all forms of life.
What about you? Share your thoughts here!
by Connie Habash | Nov 12, 2021 | Articles, Contemplation, Oneness, True Self
One of the most important questions in personal and spiritual growth is “What is your True Self?” The answer is elusive, but the question is essential to ask ourselves, contemplate, and discover.
You may be thinking, “Hey, I don’t really know what my True Self means. How is it different than just plain old “me”?”
Sit with that question a moment. Ask yourself, “What is my True Self?” You may begin to have a feeling in your body, a vision come to mind, or hear some words that speak to who you truly are. Some part of you knows that there is a core essence, a deeply real, empowered, joyful YOU within, that longs to express in your own unique and authentic way.
The Small “s” self
Often, we’re stuck in what I call our small “s” self. It’s what we refer to as “me” – the personality or ego, as well as the body. Our self is what functions in the world for us most of the time. It drives the car, pays the bills, and cooks the meals. It has a very important role in our day to day tasks and getting along in the world.
But the self gets caught up in thinking. It can easily get stuck on a train of thought that disturbs our inner peace and also significantly limits us. The self has a lot of limiting beliefs about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what is possible in life. Those thoughts are usually based on past experiences that are like old computer programs, still running in us decades after they were installed. The self bases a lot of what it perceives, experiences, and feels from the perspective of those old programs. It’s stuck in the past, and often stuck in unhealthy ways of being.
The Capital “S” Self – the True Self
Your capital “S” Self, however, transcends the personality, the ego, the body, and all the thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and even emotions that we experience. It is your Divine nature, your Essence within. And it’s not limited by anything you experience in your mind, heart, or body.
The Self is founded in pure potentiality – just about anything is possible with the Self. It doesn’t look at life with limitation, judgment, worry, or resentment. Those and most other emotions are based on past experiences. The Self is fully Present: fully here in this moment, now, and every moment.
This is your True Self. It’s the quiet place within that watches the thoughts that arise, the emotions that wash through, the sensations that you experience in your body.
Already Whole and Complete
There is great joy in experiencing your True Self, because it is authentic, real, and already full and complete as it is. It is already whole, loving, and loved, simply because it doesn’t separate itself from that love and wholeness. The True Self is immersed in Oneness.
This may be a completely new idea to you. But when we take ourselves beyond the limitations of thought, emotion, and sensation, a whole new way of experiencing life emerges. Freedom within and joy are possible. And we discover what truly fulfills us, what gifts we have to share with the world, and the everyday blessings that life offers us.
It’s a Journey
Discovering and embodying the True Self is a journey. It unfolds more and more every day. Not perfectly. Not instantly, like taking a pill. It’s a process. We will still feel our feelings and have our everyday experiences. It doesn’t make life magically perfect.
But it does shift us into a state where we can embrace whatever is, stay rooted in our center, and find peace and happiness in the simplest of moments, right now. We become grounded in the truth of who we are – to know ourselves deeply, and to understand life deeply.
This website, Awakening Self, is all about sharing perspectives, reflections, body/mind practices, and spiritual philosophies that help us to shift out of the self into the True Self. Together, we look at what gets in the way of being our True Selves and how to let that go (or embrace it with compassion). We open to seeing our Self in potentially new ways, and apply these perspectives to whatever spiritual beliefs we have.
Remember, too, that it’s important to have a sense of humor about the journey, because we can get awfully serious about all this personal and spiritual growth, can’t we?
Again, ask yourself, “What is my True Self?” Rather than try to figure out the answer, just sit with the question. Feel into it. Let it simmer within you. Only you can truly discover that answer, within. As you ask, you begin the process and you initiate your True Self to reveal itself to you. Allow it to happen. Pay attention and open to receive it.
Let me know what you’d like to explore here; I’d love to hear from you. Welcome to the journey – I’m glad you’re on board with me.
by Connie Habash | Jul 20, 2017 | Courage, Fear, True Self, Trust
I have a confession to make – I have struggled with the fear of flying for over 12 years, since the birth of my daughter. Seems that bringing a new being into the world and being responsible for her created a deeper reverence for life… and an intensified fear of death.
For many years, I avoided flying at all costs. If I had to fly, my palms would break out into a cold sweat anytime we came upon even mild turbulence. I’d shiver and white knuckle my way through it, trying to hide any signs from my daughter if she was with me.
But after several years of being limited to the ground, the mental and physical decline of my mother on the east coast necessitated more visits – and more flights. It was time to deal with my fear of flying head-on.
About six years ago, I discovered the Fear of Flying Clinic at San Francisco International Airport. I was grateful that one of the best programs to treat flight anxiety was right in my backyard! I took the course and was able to complete the flight to Seattle at its conclusion – a great way to celebrate my new courage.
However, my fear of flying didn’t disappear. And flights didn’t magically become perfectly smooth. No, my fear was still there, but something else was also there – my determination that the fear wasn’t going to keep me imprisoned anymore. I knew there was something within me that was bigger than the fear.
Although my fear of flying hasn’t gone away, it has improved significantly. I have taken 4 trips in the last 9 months, all of them involving air transportation. It gets easier and easier. Yet, there’s not a “happily ever after” here – I still face this anxiety every time I plan a trip. This last flight in June was a doozy, and brought new insights about the gifts of fear.
My daughter and I were returning from a trip down to Southern California, flying out of Burbank airport, just outside LA. It was a very hot day – we didn’t realize how hot, sitting inside the pleasantly air-conditioned terminal. Burbank, as most of Southern California, is a semi-desert area, and the temperatures can soar in the summer months.
We boarded our flight and settled into our seats. I was so relaxed that I wasn’t even thinking about my fear of flying – a huge success for me. The flight into LA was fine 5 days earlier, and I was looking forward to another short, uneventful return home. After sitting on the runway for 20 mintutes, the captain announced over the speakers that the temperature was 107°F, and that the take-off had to be recalculated based on the heat. I had heard of flights in Arizona being delayed for hours the previous week, so it wasn’t terribly surprising. Back to the gate we taxied to sit for another hour and a half.
Finally, we got the go-ahead to take-off! Hurray! I was delighted and enthusiastic to get home. We taxied and set up for take-off, and soon we were airborne. And that’s when my fear of flying rose from the grave.
As we took off, I felt the familiar upward suctioning of our aircraft. Then a few seconds later, a lurch. The plane began jostling around like a jerky amusement park ride. My daughter let out a startled response and looked at me with concern.
Oh no. I forgot about updrafts.
Updrafts happen often over deserts and near mountainous areas – ahem, like Burbank? – on hot days. They can cause serious turbulence. Uh oh.
My body immediately manifested fear – I felt the trembling inside, my palms breaking into the familiar cold sweat. I saw a couple huddled together across the aisle, and another one holding hands in front of them. I wasn’t the only one nervous. One brave soul several rows ahead had her arms in the air, squealing as if she were on a roller coaster. How can she laugh and giggle and think this was fun, when I was terrified?
Yep, I was scared, but two things helped me. One, I understood what was going on and the fact that the pilot knows what is happening and has plenty of experience with it (learned that from the Fear of Flying Clinic!). I could counteract my fearful thoughts with that knowledge. And the other was that my daughter was sitting next to me.
My daughter was counting on me to protect her, support her, and reassure her. So that’s what I did. I was able to witness my fear in my body’s reactions and my fearful thoughts, but I kept my face and voice calm. “It’s OK, sweetie. The pilot is used to this. She takes off in the heat of summer at this airport all the time and knows exactly what to do. The turbulence will stop when we reach a higher elevation.”
At least I hoped. That’s what was supposed to happen, but my fear wasn’t too sure. I was praying hard. Please let this stop. Soon.
I also prayed to be given the courage, patience, and trust to withstand this, for however long the turbulence lasts. I can’t control the turbulence, but if I can be with my anxiety and learn from it, then my fear of flying wouldn’t stop me from going the places I wish to go.
In the moment, fear feels consuming, as if it could destroy me. But it doesn’t. When I am present with the fear and let it teach me, it reveals parts of myself that would lie in obscurity otherwise. I become aware of my Self, that is larger than the fear.
My larger Self steps forward, even in the midst of my anxiety, and comforts my daughter. It keeps some part of me calm while my body wildly reacts. It reminds me that my thoughts aren’t real, even though I’m having real sensations in my body. Fear teaches me that I’m capable of responding rather than reacting, even when I’m terrified.
Fear shows me how to move through it to a larger experience of life. It tells me, yes, I’m stepping into unfamiliar, uncomfortable, uncontrollable territory, but I have courage, patience, and trust to sustain me, and I’m OK. By my willingness to learn from fear, I free myself from its grip.
The turbulence indeed stopped in a few minutes when we reached cruising altitude. Although I’d rather not repeat the experience, I thanked fear for what it taught me.
What are you learning from fear? Share it here. Let it bring out something Greater in you!
copyright © 2017 by Rev. Connie L. Habash
Recently, I have noticed more authors and writers choosing to put their name in lowercase letters (like bell hooks, or adrienne maree brown). I found it annoying and didn’t understand. I like rules of grammar and following rules – I think it gives me a sense of safety (well, that’s what rules and laws are for after all!). So why couldn’t they just follow the rules?!
One of the most important questions in personal and spiritual growth is “What is your True Self?” The answer is elusive, but the question is essential to ask ourselves, contemplate, and discover.
I have a confession to make – I have struggled with the fear of flying for over 12 years, since the birth of my daughter. Seems that bringing a new being into the world and being responsible for her created a deeper reverence for life… and an intensified fear of death.
