viewing the ocean through a steel tunnel full of lightMany of us know of the importance of good boundaries in our relationships, but few are aware of healthy energetic boundaries. Ever had this experience – you’re having a great day, feeling just fine, and suddenly you feel disturbed? What happened? Where did those upsetting emotions come from? Well, it’s possible they may not have come from you.

Emotions are contagious

All of us have had the experience of being affected by someone else’s emotions. We know what it’s like to be around someone who is in a fit of rage, and it isn’t pleasant. We’ve probably also experienced being in the presence of another who is in the depths of despair. It can be uncomfortable and awkward; but more than that, emotions can be contagious. Even the ecstatic joy of someone getting married can uplift us as much as a friend’s depression can dampen the mood.

Occasionally, we experience more than just picking up on someone else’s emotions: we may feel that we’ve absorbed them like a sponge. This isn’t limited to feelings, either; if someone else’s beliefs, opinions, or ideas are strong and persistent, we may unconsciously take on the stress, attitudes, and perspectives of another.

Boundaries distinguish what’s you and what’s not you

If you have challenges setting boundaries, are co-dependent, or are a highly sensitive person, you may find it particularly difficult to deal with other people who have intense emotions, opinions, or just a strong presence. It may be challenging to discern what is really you and what is someone else’s influence on you. You might find yourself feeling overwhelmed, invaded, angry, or confused at the incoming energy of their mental or emotional “stuff”.

Ringing any bells? If so, it’s time to explore a whole new awareness of boundaries. Setting boundaries isn’t just about speaking your truth or establishing limits. It necessitates a more subtle, different kind of awareness.

That awareness is described by a practice known as “Me/Not-Me” that I learned years ago while studying with my energy work teacher, Lynda Caesara. Me/Not-Me is a method of separating out your own energy, emotions, and thoughts from anyone else’s. It is declaring a boundary around your sense of self and maintaining it.

Boundaries protect our “energetic space”

Think of yourself as a house. Your home is your personal space: you wouldn’t allow anyone to just waltz in, would you? How would you feel if someone simply walked right into your front door, over to your refrigerator and starting eating your food? Bathing in your shower? No way, you say! But when we aren’t maintaining our own personal energetic space, we allow other’s thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and influence to take over ours, and we feel similarly invaded and confused.

“Me/Not-Me” helps you declare your own personal, energetic space, and keeps out what isn’t yours. When you practice “Me/Not-Me”, you’ll tend to feel more safe, stable, and strong in almost any situation. It prevents the tendency to take-on the emotional content from others, clarifies your own thoughts and feelings, and allows you to respond to relationships more effectively. It will also support you in creating overt boundaries, such as setting limits, because you’ll feel clear on who you are and what you stand for.

Applying the “Me/Not-Me” concept of boundaries

A great description of “Me/Not-Me” can be found in The 5 Personality Patterns by Steven Kessler, but here is a simple practice to get you started:

  • Sit or stand quietly in a safe place where you can be alone. Close your eyes.
  • Say your name to yourself. Feel the sense of “Me” (i.e., you) when you say it.  Attune to the feeling of being truly your Self, and only yourself.
  • Imagine a circle of light around you, in any color, about 2-3 feet in all directions. This serves as your energetic boundary.  Declare to yourself and the Universe that the space inside this is your space, just for you alone. Anything that is “Not-Me” is not permitted entry into this space, and needs to stay outside of the circle.
  • Say your name again a few times, and clear out anything “Not-Me” from your personal space. You can imagine it leaving in any way you wish; I like to visualize grey smoke blowing away, or a little explosion of light inside me that cleanses any other energy out, leaving my space clear.
  • Then, when you are out around other people, regularly declare your “Me/Not-Me” by visualizing your energetic boundary, and that other people’s energies bounce off it. You can meet their thoughts, feelings, and emotions with understanding and compassion out at the edge of “your space” in your imagination, but their energy isn’t allowed entry!

It takes practice, but if you work with Me/Not-Me for a while you will find that you’re less affected by other people’s psychological issues and energy. You’ll have healthy energetic boundaries and know who you truly are.


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