by Connie Habash | Oct 29, 2025 | Awareness, Emotions, Resilience
Immunity is more than being able to fight off pathogens – our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being depend on an “inner” immunity.
Immunity is an integral aspect of our health and well-being. It is an intricate, effective system in our physical bodies for identifying and eradicating foreign objects and organisms that may be dangerous to us. It starts from our skin and functions down to a cellular level. It’s truly miraculous how we are able, without even conscious knowledge, to be protected from the vast majority of bugs and toxins that we are exposed to.
Unfortunately, there are other ways in which we are much more vulnerable. While most of us have strong physical immunity, we may have weak mental and emotional resistance. I think of this as inner immunity – our resistance and resilience in the face of mental and emotional toxins.
Daily, we are inundated by words, images, sounds, and ideas that are unhealthy for our hearts and minds. TV, radio, printed media, and computers feed us news of all kinds of horrors, as well as attempt to persuade us to live certain kinds of lifestyles and fill our ears and eyes with gossip and grandiosity.
Building Emotional Boundaries
People we meet in the grocery store or on the roads may have bad attitudes that they try to dump off on us. A boss may be critical or condescending, our partners may be grumpy or complaining, and our kids may make us feel like we’re mean for taking away the internet privileges. Some days, we barely notice the little jabs, and on others, we may feel pretty beat up.
Fortunately, it’s not usually as bad as all that, and we have many things in life to enjoy and bring happiness. Still, we all need to be able to fend off this negativity when it arises. Everyone needs strong inner immunity to prevent us from falling into the trap of taking in criticism, taking on anger, or getting absorbed in the drama of violence or obsessive materialism that unfolds in the media before us. We need something to keep all of it at bay and keep our psyches relatively clean, healthy, and peaceful.
How do we develop a good inner immunity? Like with our own physical bodies, the key is to have multiple layers of defenses, and maintain their integrity. If one should fail or fall short of keeping every intruder out, we’ll have other resources at our disposal to dispose of negative thoughts and emotions.
The body’s first layer of defense is the skin itself. It creates a semi-solid boundary between our more vulnerable innards and the world at large. This is also essential for our inner defenses. We’ve heard the phrase “he’s thin-skinned”, referring to someone who is too sensitive to what anyone says or does, and takes everything personally. It can be helpful to be more “thick-skinned”: put-downs bounce off a less permeable surface. But what creates a thick skin? Just as the skin is our boundary between the outer world and our insides, a thick skin is a clear boundary between knowing who you are and what anyone else tries to convince you of. If someone calls you stupid and you know that you’re smart, that comment will bounce off you like a clod of dirt off your arm. It simply won’t go in if you’re clear about your true self.
This isn’t always easy to do, but if we practice staying clear within ourselves, it will naturally fend off the effects outside of us. It helps to recognize and affirm for yourself that who you are is determined by your inner self, not what any influence says or does outside you. Essentially, you are what you believe. Nothing will enter into your mind and heart unless you already have a place that’s receptive to that idea.
For example, if someone said to you, “You’re so orange!” you’d probably look at them as if they were nuts, and the comment would easily slide off your skin (unless, I suppose, you bought a bad tube of self-tanning lotion). There would not be anything in your psyche that responds to being orange, so it doesn’t penetrate your inner skin.
It’s the comments like “idiot!” or “you’re so selfish!” that may trigger a reaction, because some part of us may secretly wonder if perhaps we are. If you firmly believe in your own innate intelligence or own essential goodness (not measured against any standard, and not expecting perfection), nothing will shake that, at least not for long. Even if you had done something selfish, with a thick skin, you’d be able to acknowledge your inappropriate behavior and rectify it without identifying yourself as a selfish person. Your skin will keep that comment from sinking in and causing needless grief or sorrow. Recognize these kinds of comments as the worthless hot air that they usually are.
Another outer layer of our defenses is the ability to tell what is healthy and what is not. We don’t eat food that smells bad. We’ll avoid touching our hands to our face when we’ve had them in the dirt or have been cleaning the bathroom. This is a commonsense way of keeping oneself healthy that is innate in us.
Discernment: The Yogic Defense System
In our inner immunity, the yogic term for this would be viveka – discernment. We can use our ability to discern what is healthy for us from what is not and to make good choices. Just like choosing healthy food to eat, we can consciously be aware of the choices we make: what kind of television to watch or what people we feel right about hanging around. This can protect us from needlessly being exposed to experiences that may bring up worry, anger, or fear, disturbing our inner peace. Most of us have probably experienced being tempted to watch a horrifying scene in a movie, only to be plagued by frightening images in our sleep.
Discernment (viveka) tells us to stay away from things that will leave negative residue in our psyches. It determines the best use of our time and energy, and what is healthy for our psyche and what isn’t. When we’re choosing to take in only what supports well-being, inner peace, and our best qualities, then our hearts remain open and our minds stay clear. It’s a strong component of inner immunity. But what about those times when the outer defenses are breached? The body’s immune system has an elaborate response to invaders beneath the skin’s surface. It is enabled with the capability to seek out and identify intruders, and then destroy and/or dispose of them. So our inner immunity similarly needs to have a protective response when a negative energy penetrates our thoughts and emotions.
Often, we may find ourselves fearful, getting angry, or feeling down and not realizing how the train of thought started or why. In the moment, we may not be aware of when we are affected by something, but find an hour later that we’re in a sour mood. In these instances, it takes practice to observe our thoughts and emotions, noticing when they arise. When we are aware of the processes happening in our minds, then we can choose to eradicate or at least redirect a negative thought or emotion rather than beat its effect.
Our consciousness needs to first identify the thought occurring that is harmful. Take, for example, the thought “I am a failure.” This may start out as feeling disappointed that a project didn’t turn out quite the way we wished, and then it snowballed into a negative belief, attached to an emotion, such as sadness. It may have expanded from simple disappointment into thoughts about all the things in life that didn’t work out the way we wanted, or envisioning things in the future that we imagine won’t succeed.
Our inner immune system needs to sound the alarms once we become aware of a negative chain reaction like this. In our body’s immune system, once an invader has been identified, it is attacked or surrounded and either destroyed or sent out of the body with waste products. We need to respond similarly to those negative thoughts! Identify these thoughts as something not-of-you: they are thoughts, not your reality. They can be changed, wiped out, or at least questioned once we become aware that they’re occurring.
Meditation is one powerful way of practicing this self-awareness and eliminating threats to our inner peace. Taking time out in the day to simply sit and be present, observing whatever arises, develops the awareness that allows us to stand up to the negative patterns which arise in the mind. Once we become practiced at observing, then we can take action on what needs changing or cleaning out in our psyches.
Transforming Negativity into Light
When we’ve identified a thought or emotion that’s not serving us, we have a few choices as to how to become immune. We can observe it without attachment to it, imagining it floating by and disappearing like steam into the atmosphere. We can laugh at it, knowing that we’ve caught that bug in the act of trying to disturb our peace. We can give it a reality check – just because something doesn’t turn out the way we want one time doesn’t reflect on who we are as a person and doesn’t warrant a “failure” label.
Byron Katie, creator of “The Work”, suggests inquiry: ask yourself the question, “Is it true?” In fact, she pushes us to look at whether it is absolutely, “beyond the shadow of a doubt” true. In most instances (and in her opinion, every single one), you’ll discover that you can’t be so sure. This also applies to judgments of others, which can be just as toxic as a judgment about yourself. “He’s wrong,” when questioned in this way, is revealed as a perspective rather than a fact. Moreover, it becomes a negative stance taken towards another that causes not only problems in the relationship but also suffering within you. If we consider that the other person may not be the way we perceive them, something in us opens and releases the stress that causes both mental and physical dis-ease.
We can also cultivate the opposite quality or idea from the negative thought, image, or feeling. This is a technique discussed in both Buddhist and Yogic philosophy. Patanjali, the author of the Yoga Sutras, states that
“for the repelling of unwholesome deliberation, the yogin should pursue the cultivation of the opposite.” (Yoga Sutra II.33)
When our thoughts are not wholesome, we need to come up with something to concentrate the mind on that is uplifting, positive, and healing. There are many ways that we can cultivate an opposite: it may be conjuring images of light or of someone we love, singing a song that warms the heart, doing a kind or thoughtful act for another human being, shifting to a positive emotion, or practicing affirmations.
For example, the cultivation of the opposite may be done through an act of kindness. If we see disturbing things on the news of bad events that have happened to others, we may feel more hopeful about the world if we go out and help someone else in need.
When the thought that someone may not like you distresses your heart, bring in the opposite quality by sitting down and remembering the times when someone showed their love and appreciation for you. You could even pick up the phone and call someone who reminds you of how special you are to them! Seek out evidence and support in your life of this opposite quality.
Affirmations are positive self-statements that help us build self-esteem and confidence and allow us to see the evidence of positive qualities and experiences. For example, when the fear of failure arises, we can affirm ourselves positively: “I allow myself to see where I’m succeeding” or “every step I take leads towards greater fulfillment”. Choose something that feels authentic to you, rather than “pie in the sky” thinking. It may be easier to believe “I open to new experiences of happiness” than “I am totally happy and joyful”.
The more we repeat these affirmations, the more they sink into our minds and hearts, and we begin to feel their qualities within us. Additionally, if we practice filling our mind with these positive statements, just like a mantra, it leaves little room or energy for negative ideas or emotions to arise. It takes a while of consistent practice, and isn’t always easy, but these statements powerfully build inner resiliency against unhealthy outer influences.
This is not unlike eating healthy food, getting ample exercise, and sufficient rest in order to keep our body’s immune system strong. Fill your mind and heart with good inner nourishment in order to withstand moments that threaten our mental well-being. Know who you truly are within. Use discernment. Practice inquiry, affirmations, cultivating the opposite, and meditation. Choose activities that lift your spirits, and give aid and kindness to others in need. These are a few ways that keep your inner immunity strong. Then, with some determination, you can make it through the cold season free of depression as well as the flu.
This season, may you nurture your inner immunity – strengthening not just your body, but your spirit. Find out about Spiritual Mentoring to deepen your resilience and inner peace.
by Connie Habash | Oct 13, 2022 | Attention, Awareness, Mindfulness, Presence, Yoga Philosophy
This post, on Pramada (Carelessness), is the fourth of a 9-part series on the obstacles to spiritual practice, from verse 1:30 of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras:
vyādhistyānasanśaya pramādālasyāvirati bhrāntidarśanālabdha bhūmikatvānavasthitatvāni cittavikṣēpāstē̕ntarāyāḥ |
Disease, dullness, doubt, carelessness, laziness, worldliness, delusion, non-achievement of a yogic state, and instability are the distractions of the mind, and they are obstacles [in yoga].
Ah, the fourth obstacle on the spiritual path. This is a bit tricky, at least for me – for those of us who are perfectionists (most of us into spirituality!). In fact, these next 3 obstacles can be big triggers for perfectionists. But we can also reframe this hindrance in a more helpful way. This fourth obstacle is Pramada, or carelessness.
What is Carelessness?
Carelessness is defined as a “failure to give sufficient attention to avoid harm or errors: negligence”. It’s not giving things enough forethought or consideration before we do them. It can even be perceived as meaning indifference – not caring about our thoughts, words, or actions.
Everyone has been careless from time to time (and certainly not just with spiritual practices!). We want to hurry up and get it done, reach the goal, achieve the awakened state; whatever we’re striving for, it’s easy to try to take short cuts. When we’re caught up in pramada, we may curtail our time in meditation because we have “so much to do.” It falls off the priority list.
Carelessness can show up in our spiritual practice when we are spacing out or thinking about other things when we’re doing yoga postures (which might result in injury) or when chanting the rosary or a mantra. It’s easy to do things a bit rote, out of habit, and not with our full attention, even when we have good intentions about doing yoga, prayer, or meditation.
After meditation, pramada might sneak in by jumping right into a heated argument or getting on the phone to chat, which dispels our meditative state; or doing purifying practices and then indulging in greasy food, alcohol, or other unhealthy substances, wiping out the benefits. Be on the watch for ways that carelessness may show up for you and hinder your spiritual intentions.
Pramada: a State of Distraction
To make matters worse, we live in a world full of distractions, and distraction breeds carelessness. Before we realize what is happening, we can get pulled into the social media feed, feeling that we need to check our email, the news or texts compulsively, or simply looking around the house and getting agitated about everything left undone (here’s a secret – it’s never going to all be done!).
The external world can become a smorgasbord of distractions, just waiting for you to fill up your plate with them. Then you realize that your plate is too full – no room for my chanting practice today. So we let it slip off the plate, or we try to cram it in really fast without much care, to feel that we “did it”… and then run back to our distractions.
The mind is our greatest distraction on the spiritual path and in life. Since we can’t seem to go anywhere without it, it helps to have some yogic tools to work with thoughts when they arise, so they don’t unconsciously steer us off the path. Using those tools is part of doing practice with care and attention, so we don’t slip into pramada, that state of carelessness.
Carelessness is Negligent to Ourselves
At times, our spiritual negligence isn’t towards our practices, per se. It’s towards ourselves. We either don’t pay sufficient attention to what we’re thinking and how it affects us, or we aren’t attending to our own self-care and well-being (see Vyadhi, or disease, the first obstacle).
If we aren’t making sure we get enough sleep, eat healthy food (most of the time!), and have some downtime to relax and be Present, we’ll become distracted simply from our body’s discomfort and our mental and emotional agitation.
Overscheduling your calendar, even with meditation groups and spiritual conferences, isn’t necessarily taking care of yourself if you always feel stressed. And if you’re constantly using up all your energy to take care of everyone but yourself, then unfortunately, that’s pramada, or carelessness, too. There needs to be healthy balance, and having care and attention doesn’t just apply to meditation or on the yoga mat: it applies to how you are towards yourself.
Those Yogic Tools: Ways to Overcome Carelessness
Before you stress yourself out more, though, about being careless, take a deep breath. First of all, you’re not bad or less-than when pramada shows up in your practice or your life. You’re just human! It’s not about being perfect – it’s about noticing when you’re off-course and readjusting the steering wheel.
Fortunately, I have some practical, yogic, and mindful tools to get you back on track – without increasing your stress and inner agitation. They’re pretty simple, too, because I know most of us have plenty of challenges and complexity already in our lives. Becoming more careful and attentive doesn’t have to be a lot of work.
Remove the Distractions!
Well, duh! You knew this one. Turn off your computer and the tv, put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Remove all the distractions that you can. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s OK and you won’t die of FOMO. It’s the simplest thing you can do to have your full attention on your practice.
When you’re going about your day, every once in a while, check in with your thoughts. Are you fully Present in your life? Or do you dissipate your energy by doing one thing while thinking about a handful of others, or obsessing over something from the past. While it’s not so easy to just “stop thinking”, we can gently redirect our attention back to the here and now in our breath and body, and the task at hand.
This is part of your spiritual practice, for if we can’t focus on simple tasks or our regular work, it will likewise be difficult to sit for meditation. We meditate in order to be more present in our lives, and we attempt to be more present with everything we do to create more ease in meditation practice.
Pay Attention (even to the little things)
Along those lines, little things make a difference. No, I don’t mean to become obsessive about everything. It comes back again to Presence. Be here now, with rolling out your yoga mat and stepping onto it. Feel the texture and warmth of the towels as you pull them from the dryer and fold them. Pay attention to what is right here, right now, and it will help you overcome carelessness.
This can be a gentle and enjoyable intention. You won’t be perfectly present, but as often as you can, bring your attention back to this moment, as it is – especially through your senses. Life becomes more vibrant, and when you do your spiritual practices from this mindful awareness, you’ll enjoy them more, too.
Focus on Your Breath
This is the time-honored and probably most well-known meditative practice that also brings you back to the present moment. Simply turn your attention to your inhalations and exhalations. You can do this when you’re driving, when you’re drawing or painting, or picking up your kiddo’s toys (or trying to encourage them to pick them up!). Feel what it is like to do your life with conscious breathing.
When you sit for meditation, prayer, or any other spiritual practice, you can begin with breath awareness. As Thich Nhat Hahn, the renowned buddhist monk and master of mindfulness, would often teach, “I know that I am breathing in. I know that I am breathing out.” Notice the sensations at the nostrils, the flow of the breath through the trachea, the movement of the diaphragm in the belly. This will shift us out of our distracted mind-state into inner quiet, release pramada, and prepare us for spiritual practice as well as living life more fully.
A Reframe: Free from Care – Effortless!
This last suggestion for overcoming pramada – carelessness – turns around the meaning to give us a fresh perspective. Because another way to understand the meaning of careless is to be without a care! This doesn’t mean not paying attention; it means allowing for ease and effortless within your efforts on the spiritual path.
It’s another spiritual paradox: while we are aiming to pay attention and give care to what we are doing, we can soften. We don’t need to furrow our brows in order to overcome pramada, or carelessness. We allow ourselves to relax into this moment and open our heart to it with our awareness. Careless can mean untroubled: we don’t need to stress ourselves out about bringing care to our spiritual practice. Soften, open, give yourself to it, and let it flow from you with attentive care, rather than more effort and stress.
Being careless is worry-free, and worry is a big creator of mental agitation and hindrance to inner peace. Release your worry about how you’re doing; just do your practice. Let go, give in to however your meditation or yoga poses are today, and do them with gentle mindfulness. We overcome carelessness, in the negative sense, by allowing the positive aspect of careless to come to the fore!
Again, don’t get down on yourself if you find that you’ve been slipping into pramada – carelessness – in your practices. Be compassionate towards yourself, while you adjust your steering and reawaken your attentiveness. Turn off and turn away from your distractions. Include self-care as part of your spiritual path. Pay attention to the little things and be as Present as you can, especially with your breath. And release your worries – embrace less stress in trying to get it all “right” and become free of expectations in the here and now. The opposite of careless is care-ful and attentive, and gentle, mindful awareness will take you there. 🙏
You can read about the first 3 obstacles here: Disease, dullness, doubt
Ready for support on your spiritual journey? Find out how Spiritual Mentoring can take you to the next level.
by Connie Habash | Apr 13, 2022 | Aliveness, Attention, Awareness, Connection, Presence
So many of us drive, even for short distances. Is it a way of avoiding the world? What are the gifts of walking? Here is my short reverie on a walk across town.
My chiropractor’s office is a very short drive from my home – about 3-5 minutes or so. Since I wouldn’t have time for my usual routine of weights and yoga (or a morning hike), I decide, what the heck – why don’t I walk there?
I live in a suburban area that is a combination of quaint, middle-class residences, some larger, high-traffic streets, and a section of town filled with Latin-American restaurants and shops. It’s a pleasant blend of cultures, even if I’d rather live somewhere more immersed in nature. But I hesitate to walk through it. I don’t like being around cars, or on pavement and asphalt. How hypocritical, though, since I drive over it every day.
As I finish the short jaunt down my residential road and turn onto the larger street, I wonder what people would think. A middle-aged Caucasian woman, walking through a part of town in which you only see Latina mothers taking their children to school or Mexican gentlemen walking to work. Everyone else is insulated in their cars, driving by without interest in anything other than getting somewhere else.
I relish the experience. I want to look people in the eye, connect, smile, and say “buenos dias”. I want to see how it is to be on their turf and feel like the outsider. But also to see our common spirit within.
I also relish being outdoors, even if covered in a lot of pavement. No one else takes the time to stop and smell the remains of the night-blooming jasmine creeping over a fence, or to touch the soft, new, pale- green leaves of a vine – except me. They must think I’m crazy. I feel like the most sane person in Silicon Valley.
There’s a whole world that’s alive around us, and dead around us, too. No one seems to pay attention. They just drive by the candy wrappers and the crushed carton of chocolate milk that someone tossed in the gutter. No one else seems to care about the two weeds that resiliently grow between the cracks on the sidewalk. I do.
When I’m out of my car, I can hear the chickadees congregating in the maple tree above me as I amble by on the sidewalk. Life is everywhere here, in the wind tossing my disheveled hair, the surprising drizzle of rain as I cross the street. We rarely have rain in California this late in the season. I don’t care if my hair gets frizzy – I leave my hood down to feel it gently pelting my face and scalp.
When I’m walking, I see what others try to ignore. What I, admittedly, ignore most of the time. There’s pain here, there’s loss, there’s disconnection. As I walk through the underpass of the railroad tracks, a huge pile of junk reveals itself to me that had been hidden behind a wall, dividing the area from the street. A discarded mattress; an old cream-colored arm chair; a rusted bike that was missing a handle bar and a tire; and assorted shoes and trash, scattered about. From the side of the road, none of it is visible. But I’m walking, and it’s all there, revealing itself. Stolen? Thrown away? Things no longer wanted, what was once of value and now junk. Now, littering the town and in its ugliness telling other stories that the drivers don’t want to hear.
There are things happening here that we aren’t paying attention to. This is our world. We’re in it, but not really living in it. We’re so disconnected from it, we don’t know what’s really going on. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it only matters what is happening in our car, as we talk into our headset on our way to work or the mall. Maybe it doesn’t matter to see an old, run-down building with peeling paint as we drive by, or to smell the yellow roses growing near the curb.
But this is our world. If we continue to disconnect ourselves from it, what will the consequences be? Will we become so insulated that we won’t notice when our waters all turn gray from chemicals, when the only trees that remain are irrigated down the midline of the avenue? Will we disconnect so much that we won’t greet strangers anymore, and the only walking we do is from the parking lot to the automatic sliding door, or on a treadmill?
I hope not. I love to walk. And I love this world. Want to meet for a jaunt around the neighborhood?
Want to connect with others in the outdoors – walking, hiking, yoga and meditating, practicing Presence, discovering our beautiful planet? Join me at one of my upcoming events!
by Connie Habash | Mar 11, 2022 | anger, Articles, Awareness, Mindfulness, Presence
Anger gets a bad rap in the therapy – and spirituality – community. It’s labeled a “negative” emotion, and for good reason. When anger runs us and we react to it, it can blow like a volcano and make quite a mess of our relationships.
But the truth is that anger isn’t inherently a bad emotion. In fact, anger, like all emotions, has a purpose and is a necessary part of being a human. Anger matters, and you can learn to work with it in a helpful way.
Why is Anger Important?
Anger arises in response to a problem in our environment – or at least, something we perceive as a problem. It is a sign that you’re not feeling safe and that an action needs to be taken. Anger alerts us when our boundaries have been crossed, a violation has occurred, or when we feel treated unjustly.
We need anger to alert us to situations that should be addressed in order to feel safe or respected. Anger is an energizing, mobilizing emotion. It gives us the energy, focus, and determination to take necessary action.
The Problem with Anger
The problem with anger is that we usually 1) don’t recognize anger until we’re blowing our top and 2) the action our “reactive” self believes it should take is blasting someone. Most therapists would agree that the blasting option isn’t effective (or pretty).
In order to work with anger in a helpful, rather than harmful, way, we need to be aware that it’s arising, catch it, and work with it consciously. That means to respond, rather than react, to anger.
The First Essential: Presence
Learning to be more present in the moment, in your body (a technique of Mindfulness), will help you pick up on the anger as it arises, and more likely before it reaches the boiling point. Presence is bringing your awareness and attention into the present moment, as it is, with receptivity and non-judgmentalness. Simply notice and be with what you observe about your anger.
Become aware of the sensations you have when you start to get angry. Are you clenching your jaw? Tensing your shoulders, or making fists? Do you start to get a knot in your stomach, or furrow your eyebrows together? Write down what you notice, and pay attention as often as you can to when those sensations arise.
You may not be able to write down all those observations in the moment as you get irritated or irate, but try to increase your consciousness of it by practicing presence as often as possible. The more you become aware of the signs of the anger arising, the more empowered you’ll be to respond rather than react to it.
The Inquiry
If you have time, once you notice you’re angry, sit down and inquire about it. What triggered the anger? What am I fearing? What am I needing? What would I like to say right now?
It’s OK if you want to shout and say expletives, as long as you’re not saying them to anyone else. Write everything out. Then ask yourself, what would be a helpful response to this anger? An action you can take that would help you feel more safe or comfortable and also be safe – even if a bit uncomfortable – for others. Consider a response that could improve the situation, rather than a reaction which will likely worsen the circumstances. How can you respectfully express your needs and stand in your truth?
A Quick Pause to Help You Through It
If you don’t have time to reflect, a quick and easy way to work with anger is 1) acknowledge it and 2) take 5 deep breaths. Feel the breath in your body, going in and out, slowly. A count to 5 for each inhalation and exhalation assists you in slowing down. That might give you enough time to calm and center yourself and sort out how to respond. When we’re in the heat of the moment, the best action is to take a quick pause with your breath to buy you time for evaluating the situation.
Then, you can revisit the anger later and use the journaling and inquiry techniques to become clear on anger’s message for you. It’s really your inner protector, trying to stand up for you and remind you to value yourself. Anger matters – and so do you.
You can learn to work with any emotion – like anger – in a healthy way through the 7 keys in my book, Awakening from Anxiety. Check it out here!
by Connie Habash | Oct 14, 2021 | Acceptance, Articles, Awareness, Challenges, Change, Judgment
Do you struggle with self-judgment? You’re not alone. It’s a fallacy to believe that you have to judge yourself in order to change. Here’s a more gentle and transformative way.
Every one of us has habits that we’d like to change. On the path of personal growth and awakening, this is especially true of our mental habits. It takes a firm resolve to transform negative thought patterns into positive ones. But we cause unnecessary upset by judging ourselves whenever we catch our minds in the act of the less-than-desirable behavior.
It doesn’t have to be that way. We can learn to catch ourselves when we’re caught up in old habits with kind attention and determination rather than judgment and shame.
Those Pesky Thoughts
The most difficult habit to change, in my experience, is the way we think. Our habitual thought-patterns usually have been around for a very long time. As a result, it takes a bit more effort to create those internal shifts of awareness and attention.
When we become aware of our thought patterns, we may notice how much they dominate our day. They bounce around in our heads like a volleyball, taking leaps from here to there in our awareness. It’s often hard to catch up to where those pesky thoughts are headed, or to stop them in action.
The Unhealthy Thought Patterns
We can all identify ways of thinking that cause us trouble. Some of these might be familiar to you:
- I’m not good enough
- Life isn’t fair
- I’ll never be able to ___________
- Why me?
What thoughts would you add to this list? What ones cause you the most trouble?
The thoughts themselves aren’t the big issue – it’s when we 1) believe the thoughts and 2) perpetuate the thoughts that problems arise in our lives.
Notice What You’re Thinking
The first step in creating change in our thoughts is awareness. You can’t change something that you’re not aware of. We may be having all kinds of thoughts that operate as a subconscious, or even unconscious, level of awareness.
To become aware of our mental processes, we need to set aside time to do that. But it doesn’t have to impinge much on our day. If you’re waiting at the doctor’s office, check in with your thoughts. While at a traffic light, notice what’s in your mental awareness. You can find bits of time here and there to become more aware.
When you have more time, it’s very helpful to journal. Try a Stream of Consciousness exercise: simply write down, for 3-5 minutes, every single thought you’re having. No censoring, no punctuation or grammar check, just write it all down however it comes out. It can be surprising to discover everything that goes on in that mind of yours – especially thoughts that take you out of the present moment or cause you to suffer!
Question Your Thinking – Gently
Most of the time, our thoughts slip by our awareness undetected – and unquestioned. We tend to believe, consciously or unconsciously, what we think. And if we don’t question our thoughts, they’ll determine our experiences, perceptions, and often our behaviors.
If you want to change something, the thoughts need to change that reinforce that behavior or belief. The truth is, you have thoughts, but they don’t own you. They aren’t who you are. You can observe and witness them. And because of that, you can question them.
Are the thoughts you’re having what you truly want to have? Do they support, assist, and serve you or others? Are they helpful and encouraging? Do they create what you want in your life? Are they worth believing in?
If you answered no, then question them. Reconsider if they’re worth having around. You don’t have to attack them, or judge yourself for having them. They’ve been around for a long time, remember? You probably created them at at time when they seemed like the best alternative. They were probably a reaction to what was going on around you.
But you don’t have to keep them! At any time, you can question what you are thinking – with kind, gentle awareness and attention – and decide that you don’t need or want a thought. You’re in charge, not your thoughts (even if you have a thought that no, really, those thoughts are in control!).
A Sense of Humor
Really, you don’t have to take all those annoying, unhelpful thoughts seriously. I mean, if we could hear everyone’s thoughts, it would be nuts, right?
Think of some of the most ridiculous thoughts you may have had. We all have them. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us. We don’t need to judge ourselves for having silly or annoying thoughts. We also don’t have to judge ourselves for having upsetting, scary, or hurtful thoughts. You aren’t your thoughts, and when you start to get more distance from them and look at them as something you’re experiencing, not who you are, you might become a bit amused about how incessant and outrageous they are.
Toss Those Thoughts Back – and Change the Game
After you’ve become aware of your thoughts, questioned them a bit, and even looked at them with some sense of humor, you may have developed enough neutral distance between you and your thoughts to change the game. If those thoughts are bouncing around in your mind like a volleyball, catch the ball and toss it back to the sideline. You don’t have to play!
Change the game. You don’t have to be at the whim of the ball. You – your True Self within, that watches the thoughts but isn’t them – can decide what to do next.
What direction do you want to turn your attention to? If you’re having thoughts of not being good enough, it’s not so easy to just decide that you’re good enough. Turn your attention to something specific about you that is good enough in this moment. You may be breathing deeply enough, sincere about your growth, or know that you have a kind heart, even if it isn’t perfect.
Letting Go of Thinking Altogether
What might be more effective is letting go of thinking at all. Here in this moment, sitting at your computer, perhaps in a chair, is OK. That is what is real right now. Take a look around and see what is real around you right now. Maybe a dog at your feet, or the sound of crickets or rain outside the window. Everything else in your mind is a story that you don’t have to keep writing.
Don’t expect to completely silence all your thoughts – they will probably still bounce around here and there in your awareness. Redirect the game to being as fully present as possible with what is really here, right now. The more inner quiet you experience, the more you’ll be able to change your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions when they arise.
It is possible to change. And you can change yourself kindly and light-heartedly, without judging yourself.
Do you struggle with judging yourself? Counseling or Spiritual Mentoring can help you change and transform how you perceive and care for yourself. Contact Rev. Connie for a free 20-minute consultation.
by Connie Habash | Jun 5, 2021 | awakening, Awareness, Mindfulness, Presence
All of us struggle with thoughts. We may not always be aware of it, but our thoughts are going on in our mind constantly throughout the day, telling stories about life and who we are. The way we think about ourselves, our circumstances, and life in general – whether conscious or unconscious – affects how we feel and actually affects our experiences. Perhaps more importantly, our thoughts prevent us from being who we really are.
Thankfully, there are ways to get a grip on those thoughts and then let them go. One excellent way is Presence.
In a previous post, I introduced the practice of Presence. Essentially, it is being here, in this moment, with your awareness and attention. The heart is open to what you feel and sense within yourself and the world around you. The mind is quiet and witnessing, rather than narrating what we experience.
Narrating
What do I mean by narrating? Narrating is the tendency for us all to tell stories about what we are experiencing. Those stories have two main effects.
First, they tend to perpetuate negative emotions. For example, if I were saying to myself, “This is awful. I’ll never get ahead. It’s just one setback after another. Just when I get a bit on top of things, the other shoe drops. It’s not fair. There must be something wrong with me.” That is a narrative, or a story. That kind of story is likely to create depression, and if I continue with that story, my mood probably will spiral downward. This tendency to narrate, or what spiritual teachers call “telling stories,” is one of the main causes of anxiety, worry, anger, and depression. If we want to shift ourselves out of those unpleasant emotions, we’ll need to shift the story – or better yet, let it go altogether.
Missing the Moment
The other effect of narrating is that it takes us out of the present moment. When we’re caught up in a story, we’re likely to miss what’s right in front of us. Instead of seeing what life brings with clarity, we’re painting our stories onto it.
Here’s an example from the chapter on Presence in my book, Awakening from Anxiety – quite a literal one, actually – of how my narration, and lack of being present, hindered me from seeing things clearly.
Perhaps this scenario is a bit familiar to you. A couple weeks ago, I was walking around the house looking for my scissors. I really needed them for something, and I knew that they were around in the kitchen. I had a particular place I always put them—up on the window sill, above the sink. I kept returning to that spot over and over, looking for them there, as if maybe the next time, they’d just magically appear where they are “supposed” to be.
After several minutes of frustration, I sat down and let go. Maybe I should just go into my daughter’s drawers and find one of hers. But I stopped for a bit and just sat. And then I saw them—on the counter top next to me, right in plain sight.
In that moment I found the scissors, I finally became present. I let go of my stories about where the scissors usually are, that they should be there, that I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t find them, getting angry at whoever moved them (which certainly would not have been me!), how this is wasting my time—and finally just sat down, being present. When I came into the moment, the table, the kitchen countertop, my feet on the hardwood floor, my shallow breath, I began to look around and see what was actually there. I became present, and that’s when I actually perceived what was in front of me the whole time.
Too often, we’re not seeing the reality of what is in our life. We’re looking around at everything or talking with someone, but we aren’t really with them; we’re repeating the stories we have about them and seeing the stories instead of the person. We’re seeing the narrative we’ve created about our life, instead of the possibilities that lie before us in each moment, as it is.
Simple, But Not So Easy!
It’s a terribly simple idea to stop telling the story. Yet we have been so programmed to create these stories over and over again that it’s one of the most challenging things to do.
The good news is that you’re at the first and most powerful step. You’re aware now. In this moment, you know that the mind (not just yours, but everyone’s!) has a tendency to narrate everything and therefore influence how you perceive the world and your life.
Awareness is the most powerful asset you have. I say this over and over to my students and clients – once you are aware, then you’re empowered, because you finally have a choice. When we’re unconscious, completely ignorant to the fact that we’re creating narratives that cause us to feel hopeless or frightened, we can’t do anything about it. If it’s out of our awareness, how can we change it?
You Can Stop Believing the Stories
But now you know. Or maybe you’ve just been reminded of something you knew, but had forgotten about. You have the power to see your stories and to stop believing them. See them as the fiction that they are. Recognize that they are fabrications of your mind, probably from experiences you have had in the past. You don’t need to believe them anymore.
Those stories are like a TV channel your set has been stuck on for ages. It’s time to change the channel. You can do this! You can even turn the TV set off completely, and live life more in the present moment, as who you really are.
Don’t worry if you can’t stop the stories right now. Just practice being aware, seeing them for the fiction that they are. Remind yourself that it’s just a story, and you don’t have to buy into it. The more you develop the ability to be aware and challenge the story, the closer you are to letting it go and revealing the infinite possibilities life has for you, and the infinite essence of who you really are.
by Connie Habash | May 9, 2021 | Awareness, Boundaries, Emotions, Energy, Relationships
Many of us know of the importance of good boundaries in our relationships, but few are aware of healthy energetic boundaries. Ever had this experience – you’re having a great day, feeling just fine, and suddenly you feel disturbed? What happened? Where did those upsetting emotions come from? Well, it’s possible they may not have come from you.
Emotions are contagious
All of us have had the experience of being affected by someone else’s emotions. We know what it’s like to be around someone who is in a fit of rage, and it isn’t pleasant. We’ve probably also experienced being in the presence of another who is in the depths of despair. It can be uncomfortable and awkward; but more than that, emotions can be contagious. Even the ecstatic joy of someone getting married can uplift us as much as a friend’s depression can dampen the mood.
Occasionally, we experience more than just picking up on someone else’s emotions: we may feel that we’ve absorbed them like a sponge. This isn’t limited to feelings, either; if someone else’s beliefs, opinions, or ideas are strong and persistent, we may unconsciously take on the stress, attitudes, and perspectives of another.
Boundaries distinguish what’s you and what’s not you
If you have challenges setting boundaries, are co-dependent, or are a highly sensitive person, you may find it particularly difficult to deal with other people who have intense emotions, opinions, or just a strong presence. It may be challenging to discern what is really you and what is someone else’s influence on you. You might find yourself feeling overwhelmed, invaded, angry, or confused at the incoming energy of their mental or emotional “stuff”.
Ringing any bells? If so, it’s time to explore a whole new awareness of boundaries. Setting boundaries isn’t just about speaking your truth or establishing limits. It necessitates a more subtle, different kind of awareness.
That awareness is described by a practice known as “Me/Not-Me” that I learned years ago while studying with my energy work teacher, Lynda Caesara. Me/Not-Me is a method of separating out your own energy, emotions, and thoughts from anyone else’s. It is declaring a boundary around your sense of self and maintaining it.
Boundaries protect our “energetic space”
Think of yourself as a house. Your home is your personal space: you wouldn’t allow anyone to just waltz in, would you? How would you feel if someone simply walked right into your front door, over to your refrigerator and starting eating your food? Bathing in your shower? No way, you say! But when we aren’t maintaining our own personal energetic space, we allow other’s thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and influence to take over ours, and we feel similarly invaded and confused.
“Me/Not-Me” helps you declare your own personal, energetic space, and keeps out what isn’t yours. When you practice “Me/Not-Me”, you’ll tend to feel more safe, stable, and strong in almost any situation. It prevents the tendency to take-on the emotional content from others, clarifies your own thoughts and feelings, and allows you to respond to relationships more effectively. It will also support you in creating overt boundaries, such as setting limits, because you’ll feel clear on who you are and what you stand for.
Applying the “Me/Not-Me” concept of boundaries
A great description of “Me/Not-Me” can be found in The 5 Personality Patterns by Steven Kessler, but here is a simple practice to get you started:
- Sit or stand quietly in a safe place where you can be alone. Close your eyes.
- Say your name to yourself. Feel the sense of “Me” (i.e., you) when you say it. Attune to the feeling of being truly your Self, and only yourself.
- Imagine a circle of light around you, in any color, about 2-3 feet in all directions. This serves as your energetic boundary. Declare to yourself and the Universe that the space inside this is your space, just for you alone. Anything that is “Not-Me” is not permitted entry into this space, and needs to stay outside of the circle.
- Say your name again a few times, and clear out anything “Not-Me” from your personal space. You can imagine it leaving in any way you wish; I like to visualize grey smoke blowing away, or a little explosion of light inside me that cleanses any other energy out, leaving my space clear.
- Then, when you are out around other people, regularly declare your “Me/Not-Me” by visualizing your energetic boundary, and that other people’s energies bounce off it. You can meet their thoughts, feelings, and emotions with understanding and compassion out at the edge of “your space” in your imagination, but their energy isn’t allowed entry!
It takes practice, but if you work with Me/Not-Me for a while you will find that you’re less affected by other people’s psychological issues and energy. You’ll have healthy energetic boundaries and know who you truly are.
by Connie Habash | Jan 31, 2021 | awakening, Awareness, Consciousness, Enlightenment, Higher Self, Spirituality
You may have heard the term “awakening” used before you found this blog, in reference to personal or spiritual transformation. But what exactly does awakening mean?
Of course, that’s really a subjective answer, but I’ll share with you my perspective on awakening and why I use that word for the name of this website and my book, Awakening from Anxiety. It’s a word that speaks deeply to me. Yes, it is a spiritual process, but also a psychological one.
Enlightenment?
Many people on the spiritual path seek the idea of “enlightenment” – myself included. Yet when I thought about the implications of the word, I began to prefer a different terminology to describe my spiritual and personal unfolding process.
Enlightenment is a noun. It implies a fixed state. There’s a belief, whether conscious or unconscious, that when we reach enlightenment, it’s an end point. We’re done. It’s a subtle (or not so subtle!) expectation of perfection. We’ve arrived at the pinnacle of personal and spiritual realization.
This just doesn’t fit with my understanding of life, the Divine, and spiritual growth. And for that understanding, I turn to nature.
Growing or Dying
All of life is constantly evolving and growing. Scientists know that millions of species have come into existence and adapted, changed, and transformed over millions of years. Everything on the planet and in the Universe is in a continual state of transformation. We also know that, in the case of plants, if they aren’t growing, they’re dying.
It’s similar for us. If our bodies aren’t growing cells, we’re not going to be around long. And if we aren’t growing as mental, emotional, and spiritual beings, we lose our vitality and aliveness. We become stuck and stale.
A Process of Unfolding
As I see it, our personal and spiritual growth is better described as awakening, because it’s a process. It’s a verb, and as such it’s understood as an action in continual unfoldment. Roses grow new leaves, branches, and buds – even after a period of rest in the winter. When a plant isn’t growing branches or leaves above ground, it is growing roots deep beneath the ground.
We are like those plants. Our aliveness is continually longing to express in the world, and expand in new ways. Awakening is that process of opening, unfolding, and growth that our soul desires. It is very much about the consistent exploration of new territory around and within us. This maintains our vitality, joy, and awareness.
Rousing from Our Sleep
I also like the word awakening because we literally do it every day. After a night’s sleep, we wake up to the new day.
There are so many ways this reflects the path of personal and spiritual growth. First, that every moment is like that new dawn. If we awaken to the truth of this moment, to the possibilities right here in front of us, and allow ourselves to see with new eyes again and again, our lives will continue to expand. Every moment, every breath, is an opportunity to awaken again.
When we awaken in the morning (or whenever you arise!), we are also emerging from an unconscious state to a conscious one. This is the most direct metaphor of the term “awakening” for the spiritual path. Spiritual evolution is one of continually expanding in our awareness, making what has previously been unconscious to us more conscious, and an ever-increasing understanding of truth and wisdom. It is also about deepening in our connection to something greater than us – and that only comes from continuing to open our hearts and awakening to the reality of the Divine (or whatever name you have for “God” or All That Is).
Beyond Our Previous Limitations
Awakening is also my favorite word to use for this process of growth because, through this journey, we become aware of how we have limited ourselves, and expand our awareness into new possibilities. The path of awakening is the continual moving beyond our previous limitations.
These may be physical limitations – exploring new ways we can engage our bodies, or undergoing a deep healing process. Most certainly, the process of awakening also nudges us past the limitations of our mind and emotions.
We all have thoughts that keep us in restricted beliefs or perceptions, and that hinders our happiness. Clinging to our old ways of being usually means we also get stuck with the unhealthy patterns or dissatisfaction that we’re trying to transcend. Awakening is the journey through those stuck places to new, more expansive, healthy, and visionary ways of seeing ourselves, our lives, and the world.
True Freedom
This transformation of consciousness brings us more happiness and true freedom. Awakening is the discovery of true freedom within us, beyond the limitations of thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
We can choose our thoughts and our focus of attention, rather than be subject to the habitual ones. We can question our beliefs and allow them to evolve with new understanding, as our perception widens and clarifies. Our freedom comes from within, from being masters of our awareness rather than slaves to old, conditioned, limiting ways of being.
An Invitation
Here is my invitation to you – to embrace a path of awakening in your life. That each day and moment, you can awaken to something new. You can awaken to ever greater levels of clarity, truth, peace, and happiness. It is an infinite process – there are always more possibilities for you. There is no end to what you can experience and create in your life; and who you can be.
You read this post for a reason – you’re ready to awaken to your True Self.
Now, share your thoughts and experiences on the path to awakening below – I’d love to hear from you!
by Connie Habash | Jun 9, 2020 | Action, Awareness, Change, Consciousness, Oneness, Polarities, Transformation, Unity
In this current crisis of George Floyd’s wrongful death and the re-igniting of the Black Lives Matter movement, we’re seeing the polarity of Victim-Tyrant playing out through racism.
It isn’t a new polarity – it has been perpetuated over and over through millenia with people of different races, religions, cultures, genders, and sexual orientations. It shows up even within abusive families. It also plays out through the plight of the planet at the hands of the tyrant of the human race. Every one of us can relate, in some way, to being victimized and, if we’re honest, occasionally being tyrannical.
We are now presented with the truth that there’s no going back to “normal”. Our world can’t sustain, on any level, the continued perpetuation of Victim-Tyrant. We must find a new way that transcends this polarization.
This clear realization that black lives matter and the injustice needs to be addressed and rectified is showing us in bold relief that both ends of this polarity need to come to an end. How do we do that? We start by examining the victim and tyrant inside ourselves.
The Tyrant that says it’s my way or the highway, that I am right and they are wrong, that I must be in control and dominate, which means that others must be controlled or worse yet, destroyed. The victim, that declares that I’ve been wounded and they are bad, that I am powerless and can’t do anything about it.
Neither of these positions are helpful or heal. They either abuse power or give their power away.
We are now seeing people come together to transcend these polarities. Who are owning how they have been tyrannical and seeing how they can change. Who are stepping forward into their power without becoming a tyrant themselves.
We know we need unity, in the mundane and spiritual sense, now. But we must be careful about how that is expressed. In the past, sometimes the declaration of unity and oneness carries the subtle demand that you become more like me, that we become one by homogeneity. Especially for white people. That you need to do and be what makes me feel comfortable in order for us to feel united.
There is another way. We can unite and find our sacred Oneness while honoring our diversity and uniqueness. Together, we can all know that we come from one Divine Source (although we may not give it the same name or form). We all have that sacred energy within us. It doesn’t have to express the same or look the same to find our common ground that we share.
There are hundreds of thousands of varieties of flowers – we can each know we are all flowers of this Sacred energy, and see the exquisite diversity of the myriad shapes, colors, fragrances, and textures. In order to experience unity and spiritual Oneness, we must simultaneously embrace differences.
This isn’t an easy, “say it and it is so” transformation. We will need to change ourselves and dismantle the disempowering and hurtful victim-tyrant structures in our culture, justice system, law enforcement, and media. We’re seeing the beginnings of this now, as people are protesting and taking action to create change. There’s more to be done than I can name here or even be conscious of in this moment. It will be an ongoing process of personal and collective growth.
And so worth it.
Let’s all look at how we can transform, release, and transcend the victim-tyrant polarity in our lives and in the world, and find a new paradigm that supports, respects, and honors all beings. It’s a work in progress for me, and probably for you, too. Let’s start with knowing that Black Lives Matter and bringing to consciousness white privilege; as we learn through healing this societal issue, we’ll discover some of the keys to healing our whole planet.
Resources:
The Marriage of Spirit by Leslie Temple-Thurston and Brad Laughlin
This book explores spiritual awakening, and particularly how to transcend polarities to attain unity consciousness. You can read some sample chapters here (chapter 2 and 8 are most relevant):
https://www.corelight.org/the-marriage-of-spirit-sample-chapters/
How White Fragility Supports Racism and How Whites Can Stop It
https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/07/health/white-fragility-robin-diangelo-wellness/index.html
16 Books on Race and White Privilege That Will Show You What’s Really Happening in America Right now
https://www.businessinsider.com/books-white-privilege-novels-racism-antiracism-black-scholars-2020-6
by Connie Habash | Jun 4, 2020 | Aliveness, Awareness, Beauty, Challenges, Change, Meditation, Nature, Presence, Transformation
As I’m writing this, we are coming to the end of the first phase of our shelter-in-place for corona virus, and restrictions are beginning to lift. Everyone is looking forward to going back to “normal” – but that’s not what I’m thinking at all.
In fact, there’s a lot about “normal” that I am not interested in going back to, both in my own personal life and in our planetary experience. Instead, let’s stop fully in the present moment to assess what’s true, and step forward into the extraordinary!
For weeks, we’ve been under a state of worry, fear, and certainly restriction with the corona virus pandemic. Here in California, where I live, everyone has sheltered in place, and the news is full of the latest statistics, struggles, and losses. I turned off the news weeks ago – I can read what I need to know, but I want to fill my consciousness with someone other than corona virus.
This shelter in place time, however, has been a blessing – and a challenge – for me. That’s because, right at the time we had to shelter in place, I also became ill. Not with corona virus, fortunately, but with hyperthyroidism. As a result, I got the double-whammy. I felt amped up all the time. My heart pounded, was erratic, and I was very weak – at one point, I couldn’t take more than one step on the stairs before I had to pause and wait for my heart to settle back down. My body felt hot, and I struggled night after night with insomnia. At times, my heart pounded so hard that it was painful and terrifying. No wonder it’s known also to cause anxiety, both physiologically as well as from the worry about the physical symptoms!
So I was forced to sit. I couldn’t exercise, not even a gentle yoga pose, for a few weeks. I sat on the couch and in the garden, and I rested a lot.
But mostly, I reflected, introspected, and processed what was happening to me and why. I knew there was a gift here in this scary illness that halted my life, and a gift in the shelter in place.
Woe is Me
It would have been easy to get stuck in “woe is me,” the victim consciousness of “why is this happening to me?” and feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like a victim of circumstance, and powerless.
Woe means distress and suffering. There was plenty of that to go around. But I didn’t need to see my life that way.
Many of us have been lured into this state, feeling scared about the corona virus, helpless and out of control. Yes, there’s a lot out of our control. But our mental state – the thoughts we chose to believe – is something we have volition over. We have the ability to choose what we focus on and create our experience of what is happening intentionally.
I knew I didn’t want to be caught up in the collective “woe is me” mentality that the media was encouraging with every frightening story about statistics and suffering. I certainly had a lot of compassion for those who were suffering physically, financially, and who lost loved ones to the virus. I, too, had lost income and my well-being for a period of time. But I knew we weren’t stuck in a terrible state, unless I allowed myself to focus on those thoughts.
I knew there was something other than “woe is me” that I could experience about my condition and the world.
Whoa!
The Universe actually gave me a gift – not just for me, but for many of us. It offered a situation where we all had to come full-stop. When you’re horseback riding and you want your horse to stop, you say “Whoa.” So I shifted from “woe is me” to “whoa.”
My life had come to almost a standstill, and there was an opportunity here. I always look at what comes my way as some sort of gift, or at least an opportunity. With being forced by my illness to stop seeing clients and everything else that I was doing, it was time to take a good look at my life and what I was creating.
“Whoa” stops us in our tracks and gives us the opportunity to become Present. Until we are fully present – with our attention and awareness right here in this moment – we can’t really know ourselves. I had to stop and ask myself some important questions:
- What may have caused my condition?
- What do I really value?
- Who do I want to BE?
- What changes do I need to make in my life?
I don’t have the answers to all of these yet, and I know it will be a work in progress ongoing. But I came to some clear realizations as I sat, and sat, and sat.
- I discovered that hyperthyroidism is often associated with precipitating stress. I knew that I was overloading my schedule – doing too much, too fast, with too much pressure on myself. This was not the “normal” I wanted to go back to. I needed to slow down, be more present (my life lesson!), and do less.
- My meditation and yoga practice needed to return to the top of the list. It has felt so good to prioritize my meditations in the morning. I feel my mind and soul quieting down and opening up a spaciousness in me. Yoga is returning slowly, as my strength and stamina build in my physical recovery from hyperthyroidism. I’ve noticed that when I make time for yoga, whether during the day or before bed, I sleep better, in addition to feeling more alive and at ease in my body.
- Two of my most important values, which are related, are supporting a vibrant ecosystem and eating healthy: therefore, I needed to commit to cooking at home with local, organic, ethical and sustainable food. As a result, I have been learning to prepare meals and step out of my comfort zone with cooking. We are eating food that’s not only tasty, but I feel good about on all levels. My daughter and I have started an organic vegetable and fruit garden. We feel good about growing and nurturing this life right in our yard, and spending more time outdoors not just with the plants but the animals as well. We have created a bird bath that is frequented by many different species, and are currently fostering two swallowtail butterfly caterpillars into their transformation. We’re reconnecting with nature right here at home, and our whole family is rejoicing about it.
- I knew that, although I don’t buy as much “stuff” as the average American, I still had too much. I needed to spend less and only purchase what I need. In fact, as I looked back at March and April of my illness and shelter in place, 90% of what I spent money on was food and healthcare. That was true to how I wanted to live – sure, from time to time I’ll need to replace “things”, but overall, that’s all I really need.
- I let my creativity and joy drop off my short list, too. So it was time to break out the art materials and draw mandalas, create pastels, dance, and sing! To spend time listening to the birds, and playing games with my family. Prioritizing joy and creative pursuits were vital to my happiness and thriving.
- And now, with the recent killing of George Floyd and the consequential protests to bring light (again) to racism and unconscionable killing of black people has me reflecting more deeply on my white privilege, understanding racism, and what I need to change in my consciousness.
It’s a plenty big Whoa. What a gift it has been to stop, be Present, and see with this clarity. And then to take action by educating myself, learning new skills, spending time with my family, and growing past my edge of comfort. Not perfectly, and it’s not “done” (will always be a work in progress), but I have created a shift that feels sustainable and in alignment with my True Self.
Whoa is Me!
As I step forward from my pause in Presence, I feel a sense of inspiration. I shift from full stop with Whoa! to that form of Whoa that is amazement, delight, and awe.
I feel Whoa! not just about my inner journey and personal realizations, but also my physical body. I have been watching Dr. Zach Bush recently in some interviews, who predicted the corona virus outbreak and is passionate about the microbiome of our bodies and the planet. In our body, we have trillions of cells; but we also have quadrillions of microorganisms that support our flourishing on the planet. Without those bacteria, fungi, and yes, viruses, within us, we wouldn’t be able to survive. A strong, balanced microbiome, in both the soil and in our gut and other systems of the body, keeps us and the ecosystem in healthy, thriving balance.
For me, that was a Whoa! moment. I felt so grateful for all of this life within me, working harmoniously together (when it’s in proper balance, of course) for my well-being. I knew I was healing on many levels. The consciousness of all these microscopic beings was serving the higher good of the community of what I call my body. I embraced my body with tremendous love and appreciation, for all these organisms and processes that I didn’t quite understand, but I knew created the miracle of what we call life..
We are truly a community – we can’t separate ourselves from the air we breathe, the water we imbibe, the food that emerged from nutrient-rich soil (we hope – with organic, local, and regenerative farming), the sun that gives our planet light and energy, and the entire web of life. We can’t ultimately separate ourselves from each other as human beings, for we all come from the same stuff of the Universe. That is truly Whoa!
And within me – and you, and all of us – we have the ability to create anew, with each breath and each moment. We are conscious, Divine beings, and can decide who we want to be and what we want to contribute to life. We can intentionally choose what we want to do with our time, energy, and gifts, and how to apply them to the greater good. With the power to change our thoughts, attention, intention, and actions, we can transform our experience of life, and together, even transform our world.
We don’t need a lot. We may believe we don’t live in a big enough space to support what we truly want, or that we don’t have enough money, time, or energy. But we don’t need a lot of real estate, money, energy, or even clout.
Think of the last time you walked down a street and saw a weed growing in a crack in the pavement. We’ve all seen that, and maybe you’ve wondered, how did that dandelion grow there? It doesn’t even look like a millimeter of space in that crack. Yet it grows.
It finds a way to flourish, even in those conditions. It may seem like there can’t be enough soil, there’s not enough space, and there certainly isn’t enough water in there. But the dandelion isn’t thinking those thoughts. It finds the crack, and it knows what is possible. It grows because it knows. It only needs just enough room for the seed to slip in, and it believes it can thrive. So it does.
We all can, too. Even if there’s just a little crack in your life, that’s more than enough space for your thought of creation to slip in and germinate, if you know who you really are. If you open up to the awe of your Divine self, the infinite possibilities that lie within you and before you. If you know, believe, and put your focus on what you want to grow. Whoa Is Me! That’s who you are: an amazing, awe-inspiring consciousness that came here to Be who you Are. And you can make a difference in the world.
Don’t Go Back to Normal
If you find yourself, from time to time, stuck in “Woe is Me”, don’t judge yourself. Instead, embrace yourself with compassion. Then, stop – Whoa! – and be present. Ask yourself the important questions, and give yourself time to gain clarity and your new vision. You can write a new story in your life and for the planet. Recognize that you have unimagined possibilities within you, waiting for you to just give them a crack of space and attention to flourish. Then, exclaim to yourself, Whoa is Me! Be inspired by the gift of this life and your ability to create your vision.
Don’t go back to “normal”. Together, we can change the story and go forward into an extraordinary life and an extraordinary world.
This post, on Pramada (Carelessness), is the fourth of a 9-part series on the obstacles to spiritual practice, from verse 1:30 of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras:
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