Autumn always wrestles with me until I fall to the ground, like the leaves. It’s not a bad thing – it’s very powerful.
There’s no avoiding change at this time of year. We see it all around us as our feet crunch on those dry, brown leaves, once verdant and pliable. I become keenly aware of what I’m holding on to, what I’m resisting, and learning to trust the process.
Adjustments
I remember, years ago, when we adopted our 2nd cat into our family, and like any time that someone new enters your household, it was an adjustment. On a much grander scale, I recall the dramatic changes that came over my life when my daughter was born. Much less sleep, much more to do, new concerns and responsibilities, and a lot more joy and delight. With a cat, the adjustments were relatively easy in comparison.
But in the beginning, it’s easy to forget that. You’re adjusting to their personality, their habits (must get a new cat scratcher before something ends up shredded!), their internal clock, and they to yours. If I hadn’t adopted a cat before, I might have worried the first week, when the cat was hiding under the bed all day, and waking us by crying at night. Hmm, maybe more like having a baby than I remembered!
The Resistance in My Body
I felt the resistance in my body to dealing with this change – a tension in my shoulders and an over-all increased anxiety. I don’t want to clean the litter box. Why won’t he stay on our laps, rather than run at the slightest provocation? Do I want him to sleep on my bed or not? Why does he have to crawl right on top of me?
I feel the same tension and anxiousness in my body when I look at the things needing to be done for the day, and I tell myself, “I have soooo much to do today!” This kind of thinking causes me needless stress. It’s really not that different than most of the days last week or the week before. Why do I need to tell myself a story that upsets me, and creating resistance in my being?
Shaking the Dead Leaves Off
Instead, autumn shakes me and some of the dead, dry leaves loosen and fall to the ground. I realized that the adjustment to the cat is temporary. The sweetness of warm, furry, friendly companionship greatly overshadows the new routines I must embrace. And indeed, after 6 weeks, things settled in with our new Siamese nicely, and he curled up on my lap happily.
I let go of “have to do” and “too much to do” and simply embrace what is. Done with one thing? On to the next. Or not. How about a few minutes outside on my lawn, watching my favorite hummingbird drinking from the fuzzy purple flowers on the Mexican sage? I’ll get done what I can, and let go of the rest. It’s not a matter of life or death.
Embracing and Appreciating How It Is
When I stop my thought process and let myself be present, the stress falls from my shoulders. I feel capable. When I’m willing to let go of my old ways of seeing things and just see, ease floods my being. I no longer resist getting up early, running my errands, taking the bag of litter to the trash, sitting down and writing. Or if I do resist, then I just watch the resistance. Another leaf falls from the skinny branch. No longer resisting the resistance, it eventually softens and I go on to the next moment.
I let go of perfection and appreciate how it is. I like my life in this very moment. Why try to tape the leaves back on the tree? What was perfect before is not the same anymore. And I wouldn’t get to have the fun of jumping on the dry, spent leaves and making a loud crunch! I embrace what is, knowing that there is a greater process at hand in nature and my life that leads to the beauty and transformation of the next season. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
