by Connie Habash | Aug 7, 2023 | Anxiety, Articles, Choices, Discernment, Fear
Deciding whether to venture onto an unfamiliar trail was difficult and brought up fear – but choosing, rather than deciding, got me through to the river.
It was a hot day in Nevada City, where I was staying with a friend for a few days. I had the afternoon free and wanted to explore the Yuba River, so I decided to head out on my own to find a shady refuge by the water.
I hoped to find a quiet place on the river to do Sit Spot. But when I arrived and ambled around the main access path down to the water, it was clear there was little shade, and no peace and quiet. In these temperatures, everyone was swimming and partying at the river.
Which meant that if I were to find a more peaceful spot, I’d have to set off on a trail. A trail I had never been on and didn’t know how long it was. The only one to be found ascended the hill along the western side of the river. Did it descend back down to the water? Was it super steep? How many miles to where I could dip my toes in the current? I had no idea, but there was only one way to find out.
I had noticed a lot of poison oak in the areas near the swimming holes, and this trail was no different. Fears were looming in my consciousness. Steep drop-off to my right, down to the river. Poison oak on both sides. Steps continuing to ascend, in the heat. Oh, and rattlesnakes – I had been warned there were rattlers in the area. The path is going further and further from the river’s side. Trepidation was slowing my footsteps in uncertainty.
I don’t have to do this hike, I said to myself. Maybe I’m having an intuition that something’s wrong. But maybe it’s just my old fear shutting me down from a solo adventure. What should I do? Decide to commit to this hike, or not?
I felt stuck in indecision. So I tried a different tactic. Every few minutes, I would stop and ask myself, “do I choose to continue?” At any point, I can choose to stop and turn around. And I can also choose to continue for a few more minutes. Right now, I choose to continue.
As I rounded a small corner, I jumped; at chest height, a ledge, it looked like a small snake with diamonds
on its back! A rattler! But in a split second I noticed it was rooted in the ground, with another one next to it. Just some sort of metal infrastructure for the trail, but it combined with my fear to cause my survival instinct to kick in.
Well, I thought, I’m going to need to be aware of these illusory fears at the same time as being conscious of the hazards along the way. One hazard is potentially real, and the other is a psychological hazard that hinders me from exploration.
Do I choose to continue? Yes, I do. And with mindful awareness – being Present and grounded in my body – I move forward. Relaxed, yet attentive to my thoughts, perceptions and what I notice with my senses.
What was that sound? Did I hear rattling? It was hard to discern – the river rushing in the gully below sounded a bit like that. Then there was a different buzzing; no, that was the cicadas. But what about that more raspy sound? Ah, it was the wind gently blowing the dried buckeye leaves, hanging brown and crisp from the branches. Once again, although my senses were attuned, my mind misinterprets what I notice.
Thank goodness I have inner discernment, as I walk through fears bit by bit. Yes, I choose to continue!
The path ascends a bit more, then rolling up and down, twisting and turning. I pause regularly from time to time, checking in with all parts of myself to make sure that I am not overriding serious concerns. But each time I observe myself, the fears seem unfounded.
Others traverse the trail with me. They let me know that I could access the river through small side trails that have been created by adventurers – and those are rife with poison oak. But if I continued for about a mile, I’d reach a crossing, where there was a “beach” of sorts, and the trail meets the river.
Resuming my walk, my confidence builds bit by bit, overcoming the fears that always want me to stop and go back to where it was safe and predictable. Do I choose to continue? Yes, I do.
Finally, as I amble down a more gravelly (and somewhat slippery) part of the trail, I turn a corner and see a sign up ahead, surrounded by more large, whitish boulders. “Hoyt Crossing”. I’ve made it! A few hundred feet past the sign, the foliage diminishes, the path opens up, and I’ve arrived at the rocky beach alongside the Yuba river.
I choose to continue – and I arrive at the river!
Elation and celebration! I drop my pack and hop over rocks to get to a pool of water, where I dunk my feet, shoes and all. Hooray! I made it! The cool water washes away the dust of delusion from my sandals and I realize this was really no big deal. What made it so big in my mind was the projections of fear into uncertainty.
Finding a spot in the shade, I enjoy a snack, observe plants that are new to me, watch others enjoying the refreshing waters, and reflect on my experience.
I didn’t judge myself for having fear and anxiety. That’s common and very human. What felt so good was that I found a way to gently encourage myself; by remembering that I could choose all along the way. It was empowering to know that I always have choices in my actions, perceptions, and responses to life.
The hike back was, of course, much easier – I knew what to expect. The fears were quelled and replaced with gratitude. I’m so glad I chose to continue and reached my goal. But mostly I was glad that I gave myself choices, never forcing nor abandoning myself all along the way.
by Connie Habash | Jan 10, 2023 | anger, Anxiety, Articles, Depression, Emotions, Fear
I know it’s crude – but it’s true. Just like we need to poop out what we eat, we also need to poop out our emotions. Here’s the why and how.
My acupuncturist always emphasizes to me the importance of, shall we say, clearing my bowels. Every day, and preferably more than once. Because the digestive system has to keep things moving through at a healthy pace – not too fast, but definitely not too slow. If we don’t have our poops, things get backed up and it’s a serious problem for our well-being.
Does it surprise you, then, that the same goes for our emotions? My colleague, Rachel Kaplan, first described the idea of emotional pooping to me when I was a guest on her Healing, Feeling Sh*t Show.
Emotions Process and Digest the Experiences of Life
Our emotions are the way that we process and respond to the energies of life. Our system “digests” everything we experience, and therefore we also have emotional waste products, just like we have food waste that comes through our bowels.
It’s healthy to have a bowel movement every day – it means we have digested reasonably well, and we need to release what we don’t need so that we can take in more nourishment. It’s also vitally important for that waste to move out of us, as it can cause toxic consequences stuck inside our bodies.
We’re often unaware of this digestive and eliminative process happening within us. Yet we know when we’re hungry, and we know when it’s time to make a trip to the bathroom!
Similarly, we’re digesting experiences and having emotions about them all the time, even if we aren’t aware of it. We do know when we long for connection, when we’re feeling hurt, or when joy is bursting forth. But there are more subtle emotions that course through us, also having an effect on us.
What is an Emotional Poop?
To have an emotional poop is to bring to consciousness what we’re feeling, giving it a healthy means of expression, and letting it go. If we avoid this process, we can have a backlog of emotional stuff stuck within us. This can create emotionally “toxicity”: resentments if we hold onto anger, anxiety if we don’t deal with our fears, or despair if we keep running from our sadness.
Emotional poops, just like our bowel movements, need to happen with regularity. We may not always need an emotional release every single day like we might need to go to the bathroom, but it’s essential to consciously check-in with your emotions and have consistent practices for moving them through your system and out.
The benefits? Well, if you’ve ever moved through a challenging feeling until you experienced a release, you know. We often feel lighter, more energized, free, and a sense of relief. Yeah, just like those regular trips to the restroom. 🤣 Having your “emotional poop” releases the stressors that are part of life on Earth. It can also improve our relationships, bring clarity, help us communicate our feelings and needs, and even increase creative flow.
How to Have That Emotional Poop?
What are some ways to consciously move feelings through us and then let them go? Here are some ideas!
- “What am I feeling right now?” – This is a simple and easy question to check in with yourself. If you don’t know, you can ask “If I were to guess, what emotions could I be experiencing”? Go with anything that comes up, even if you aren’t sure or it isn’t very strong.
- “What is being left unsaid?” – Sometimes the things we are holding inside that we would like to say to someone else – or even to ourselves – will lead us to the emotions. Once you recognize the feelings that you want to express, you can determine how to best address them, either directly with the other person or by continuing to explore within yourself.
- Move Your Body – What does your body feel like doing right now? Stomping, jumping up and down, slowly reaching your arms to the sky, or collapsing on your back? Let your body move in the ways it spontaneously wants, and pay attention to the emotions you experience as you move.
- Put on the Dance Music! – Related to the movement, there may be a song that you are called to. Put it on and let yourself dance out your anger, nervousness, or deep desires. Punch or kick the air, growl like a tiger as you move, shimmy sensually – no one is watching, and it feels good to get it all out.
- Scribble – Many people feel intimidated about doing “art” to express their emotions, but you don’t have to create any kind of work of art to allow yourself to explore with color, shapes, and movement. Break out the crayons, markers, pastels, or paints, and scribble over the page. Try not to think about what you’re doing; allow spontaneous movements, and feel your emotions as you doodle. Play with more pressure and intensity or lightness and softness. Give the materials, your hand, and your emotions free rein over the page in whatever way feels good or helps you get those feelings out.
- Journal – The tried and true method of working through emotions and releasing them. You can have a notebook dedicated to your emotional poops.
- Offer Them to the Divine – Emotional poops can be included in your spiritual practice, believe it or not. Take a moment of prayer to acknowledge the feeling you are having and offer it to Spirit out loud – “I give you my frustration, I offer to you my fear”, etc. Surrender it to something bigger than you. Or you can write down your feelings on small pieces of paper and place them on an altar for the Divine to assist you with. Each week or month, take your pieces of paper to the recycle bin or burn them in a bowl.
Consider ways you can invite a regular “emotional poop” as a practice into your life. It may bring a little more levity and fun into healing and releasing emotions, and supports you in feeling your emotions, letting them go, and experiencing more ease within. Share here what works for you!
by Connie Habash | Nov 15, 2022 | Anxiety, Articles, Being, Capability, Confidence, Fear, Presence, Transformation
At a point of internal crisis in myself with my fears and worries, two friends from nature – an oak tree and a boulder – grounded me and brought me back to my Divine Self.
It was a particularly intense day at the 5-day silent retreat. A lot of fear arose within me from situations that were beyond my control. I had spiraled down into feeling guilt, shame, powerlessness, and a myriad of other painful emotions. It seemed they had all come up to be seen, felt, and released – except the release hadn’t come yet.
On our break, I took a walk down the suburban street, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t care who saw me in this state. I let them roll. This process was leading me somewhere, as were my feet, taking me to the place I found refuge in: the oaks and boulders at the nearby park.
My heart wanted to be in the limbs of one of the large live oaks that sprawled on the grounds, so I headed to the closest, most accessible one, and climbed aboard. It wasn’t very high, and I could lean back into her strength and sob. I heaved heavy sighs, trying to soften into her thick trunk.
My inner ear opened to listen to my wise old friend. I waited. Two words came to me – “I can”.
What is “I can”? Can what? What can a tree do? Well, it became clear – a tree can grow. That is what its main objective is, to continue to grow and expand. It knew how to do this from its very inception as an acorn, and that is the essential life goal for a grand oak; to continue to grow.
“I can – I can grow” I said to myself. It was an invitation to expand beyond these emotions, to grow and unfold into my Larger, Divine Self. I knew this was possible – I can grow.
Carefully, I made my way down the tree, leaping off the last couple of feet with a crunch into the compost; layers of the small, prickly, coast live oak leaves, almost a foot deep in places around the park. Months and years of growth lay there. The leaves had fallen off the branches and were decomposing slowly into the ground, while the grand old oak continued to stretch, unfold, and expand above.
Next, I turned toward the middle of the park, past the small playground with a swing and slide, to the large boulders. I wondered at how they were formed there. Was it a volcanic eruption? Or more likely pushed across the continent by vast glaciers. Who knows. Here they were, a mystery, but sitting submerged into the landscape, some as long as a bus and the tallest about 12-15 feet high or so.
That’s the boulder I headed for – the tallest one. I had figured out a pretty easy access up to its summit from around the back, scrambling over some smaller boulders and pulling myself up by hand holds and outcroppings. I felt great confidence in ascending to the top; it was joyful and empowering to overcome my doubt of my climbing abilities and fear of heights. Yes, I can, as the oak tree taught me.
Happily triumphant, I settled in on a slight dip in the granite surface, just right for my seated perch. Here, at this height, I could look across the expanse of the park, at the level of the high branches in the many other oaks, as if I were a bird meandering among the leaves and acorns.
Off to my right was one of the largest oaks, and beyond that, the lake. The lake that taught all of us in the retreat that miracles are possible. When we arrived, it was nearly dried up – just a small wet area on the far end where a lone white crane searched for a meal. The next day, a torrent of rain arrived, rarely seen in this arid part of southern California.
Sitting on the boulder, a view of the tree and lake
For an entire day and night, the rain drove through the small valley, blowing in waves it seemed, gently nourishing the parched, sandy red soil. The oaks and boulders happily received it. And so did this lake – in just 24 hrs, the entire thing filled up, and a goose as well as about a dozen ducks arrived, happily swimming about the waters and foraging. Yes, miracles can happen in a day.
So I knew that a grand transformation was possible – in the land, and in me. I sat on the boulder, heart and palms open, receptive to its message. And I heard: “I Am.”
The boulder’s gift was stillness, silence, Presence. As it sits, forever planted in this landscape, it simply is, and it knows that it is. It knows the power of Being. “I Am”, said the boulder. That was my message.
The messages of the oak and the boulder came together for me, in a sweet and simple way:
“I Can”, said the oak tree
“I Can Grow”.
“I AM” said the boulder.
And that’s all I need to know.
My body softened, and my energy settled down into the firm support of this enormous rock that I sat atop. I felt the boulder’s groundedness and stillness. My mind became silent, and I reveled in the peace and ease of simply Being.
I felt capable, strong, and expansive like the oak, while my Being was still, grounded, and steady, knowing that I already AM. There is nothing I need to do; but I can allow myself to expand and grow.
After several minutes of peace atop the boulder, I stood up, touching the high branch that reached across my perch. I thanked the tree, all the trees, and thanked the boulder. With confidence that I can, I ambled down the backside of the rock, over the smaller stones and into the crisp but giving groundcover of oak leaves.
As I walked back to the house where the retreat was held, I knew nothing had changed in the outer circumstances. But within me, I experienced a shift. I had returned to my Be-ing, my Divine Self within. The gifts from the oak tree and the boulder continued to reverberate through my mind and expand in a sense of solidness and strength through my body: I Can, and I Am.
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by Connie Habash | Oct 25, 2022 | Action, Articles, Empowerment, Fear, Perspective
This post contains excerpts from Chapter 15 of my book, Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life.
The definition of fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” I find this definition very helpful because it distinguishes actual threat (which would be true danger of harm) from the belief that something could be dangerous. Anxiety is essentially a repetitive state of fear, a state of awareness focused on what could be fearful. We perpetuate the belief that something could be dangerous, and that arouses a state of anxiety.
Sure, there’s a lot going on in the world that is frightening. Those are global fears, of the bigger picture. But in this modern age, most of the fear that really stops us is more personal. It’s about the unknown in our own lives. We’re driven by fears about doing what we truly want to do with our lives, making a career change, embarking on a new relationship, or submitting a manuscript to a publisher. These kind of fears are associated with taking a risk, with what we cannot control. Yet there is a magic about this kind of fear that you may not realize.
This fear or anxiety about the unknown indicates the onset of power. Something powerful is happening in your life. That’s why you feel fearful. It’s actually calling you to step into your power in a new way. The fear and anxiety are letting you know that you’re not willing to simply settle for how it is or how you’ve been in the past. You know that you want to awaken more deeply or express yourself more fully.
When that begins to happen for you, and you’re getting a taste of what’s possible, sometimes anxiety kicks in. It doesn’t want to leave the zone of the familiar – that’s unknown territory! And we believe that the unknown is dangerous, because we can’t control it.
One small way to shift our experience of fear and increase the amount of time every day that we feel good is to change our perspective about fear and anxiety. By looking at it as a harbinger of empowerment, you can redefine it.
There are many acronyms for fear that help us change our perspective about it, but one that recently came by me has been credited to Neale Donald Walsh, author of Conversations with God. He says that when we feel fear or anxiety, we can redefine it as feeling excited and ready. If you think about it, this is true. Fear and Excitement have almost the exact same physiological response. This readies our body for whatever is required of it, such as the need to run or fight.
Let yourself feel excited and ready, and open to the positive possibilities that could lie ahead of you. Fear wouldn’t arise if something powerful, transformative, healing, and awakening wasn’t on the horizon.
Now that you have considered that the fear is here to empower you, and you have a way of reframing it, it’s time to contemplate taking an empowering action. You may not yet have a sense of an empowering action to take in response to your excitement (i.e., fear) about what lies ahead of you. But if you do, it’s time to consider stepping out into that new way of being.
Start small. You could stand in a yoga pose that increases your sense of strength and energy, like Warrior pose or Mountain Pose, and feel the power arise in you. You could roar like a lion or howl like a wolf. Write down empowering words and affirmations. Walk around your home as if you were embodying that newly-found power.
Then, reflect on what small actions you could take in your life that would support your desires. You don’t have to make a huge leap – break it down into little steps, and move towards your vision gradually. You can even ask your fear to give you guidance on how to overcome it. The fear arose to bring about your empowerment.
What little step are you willing and able to take into your empowered action? What small change can you implement? What quality would you like to put into practice? What is the first part of the adventure you’d like to embark upon? You’re now ready to not only release your fear anxiety, but to experience confident, joyful living and inner peace.
Read more of Chapter 15, and the whole journey of overcoming fear and anxiety – order your copy of Awakening from Anxiety today!
by Connie Habash | Jan 7, 2021 | awakening, Challenges, Change, Clarity, Darkness, Energy, Fear, Inspiration, Light, Motivation, Transformation, Truth
[based on my talk from New Year’s Eve 2021: A New Beginning]
No one needs to be told that 2020 was a difficult year. We all know the reasons why. But we may not realize that there is a gift in all that challenge: fire by friction.
Have you ever started a fire? Probably. Certainly you’ve lit a candle, with either a match or a lighter. Some of you may have even worked with flint and metal, creating that initial spark to ignite tinder. And a rare handful of you reading this may have actually made fire (or attempted to, in my case!) with a bow drill or hand drill: the ancient method of true fire by friction.
This primitive way of igniting fire with a drill is very difficult. It takes strength, determination, and lots and lots of friction between one piece of wood and another. That abrasion builds heat enough to finally create a spark. Whether you use that method, the flint, or a match or lighter, the spark that lights the flame requires some sort of friction to initiate it. You strike the match against a rough surface, and viola’, a flame appears. With that, you can light your candle or fire.
A Year of Friction
The challenges that we endured from the pandemic, systemic racism, isolation, financial stress, fires, and floods – to name a few – may have served us in a strange way. They have revealed fears, beliefs, and perceptions that cause us pain. It’s not the events themselves that are so problematic as it is the way we think about and respond to them.
Those painful and stressful thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, and emotional reactions create an internal friction. We are rubbed up against what is most uncomfortable within us. We can’t deny it anymore, as it is too painful and too apparent.
What’s good about this is what is revealed can be healed. If we don’t recognize what limits us and keeps us small, unhappy, or suffering, then we can’t do anything about it. These problematic thoughts, emotions, and perceptions triggered in 2020 (and beyond!) create the spark of internal and external friction, and provide the fuel for the fire of transformation to burn.
The Awakening
That spark initiated by the friction of our inner and outer challenges is a new awakening. It’s a shift in consciousness. We gain new insight about ourselves and our world, if nothing other than the declaration, NO MORE!
We need that initiatory spark to wake us up and spur us on. No fire will begin without a spark. In order to create positive change in our world and ourselves, we need this awakening.
Heat
After friction creates the spark, the flame is lit from our kindling of outdated mental and emotional blockages, and fire brings heat. We know that heat warms us, cooks our food, and creates transformation.
That warmth or heat from the fire gives us the energy, passion, and determination to create change. We know that our world needs a lot of change right now. We have been separated, lonely, and suffering, living in fear and under oppression. We must create solutions to our problems with unprecedented understanding, from dealing with the pandemic to solving systemic racism, from healing the planet to bridging the divide between differing perspectives.
We need that spark to initiate the changes, give us energy, and light the flame of inspiration and determination as we step forward together to heal our world.
Fire Transforms
In the health science of Ayurveda, the fire element in our bodies governs all forms of transformation, from digesting our food to deeper metabolic processes in our cells. Fire transforms.
2020 and today’s current events reveal many things that are ready to be burned away in our consciousness as well as our society. Illusions and obstacles are kindling and wood that are ready to be put on the fire and allow to be transformed within us.
When the wood burns, it leaves us with ash. In a fire ceremony in the Hindu tradition, many things are offered to the fire, which represent both our devotion as well as these rough places within us that no longer serve us. The transformed ash that remains is considered sacred – a blessing. Notice what ash may be left behind in new perceptions and inner peace, as you allow these unnecessary places within you to transform in the sacred fire.
And remember always that the Phoenix rises from the ashes – in fact, it can’t be reborn without that transformative fire.
The Divine Light
That friction within us created the spark of awakening, built the heat of necessary energy to create change, transformed us, and ignites our Divine Light within. When we strike a match – the friction – and light a candle, we can see in a dark room.
Light brings clarity. What was previously obscured is revealed clearly in the light of a fire or lantern. The more light, the more we can see, recognize, and know.
This light within us is actually lit by the very dark places within us that created enough friction to spark it. And in fact, this Divine Light shows us the way in the darkness. Many feel that we are living through a dark time. Allow that inner Light to show you the path to healing and empowerment through these challenges.
The clarity and vision that this spark of Light brings will reveal to us our inner Truth. This is the spiritual Truth that is beyond the appearances in the world, or even what we believe about ourselves. Allow it to be illumined within you. Listen to your intuition and see beyond fear and projections. There is a higher truth at hand when we tap into that inner Light.
As we allow the friction of this last year to continue to light a fire within us, recognize that you can be that beacon for others. Let this “fire by friction” give you energy and cleanse the perceived darkness. Although the legacy of 2020 has been difficult, it’s not been in vain. It has initiated a powerful process. Through this burning away of our limitations and fears, our inner Light will shine forth, illuminate the way for others, and spark inspiration and a higher vision for our world. 🙏
by Connie Habash | Jul 1, 2019 | Attachment, Fear, Freedom, Unknown
Many of us, myself included, like to be in control; knowing what will happen or understanding a situation makes us feel more in command of our lives. But I’ve come to appreciate the freedom and ease of not-knowing.
Let’s face it. We may be able to schedule our calendar in advance, look up the meaning of the word apoplectic on the internet, and set an alarm clock to wake when we need to. There’s a lot that we know or can find out. But many things in life just aren’t in our control. Even with using the Law of Attraction, a popular spiritual practice of focusing our intent on what we want to create and experience, we can’t control or know our outcomes for certain.
That book we ordered will get here when it does. The weather has a mind of its own, much to the chagrin of forecasters. We want our children to behave properly (according to what we think is proper), but even a well-behaved child still has their moments (especially when they become teenagers!). Our best laid plans for a vacation often don’t turn out exactly the way we envisioned.
Needing to Know Feeds Into Fear
Sometimes, we just don’t know what life has in store for us. That can bring up a lot of fear – to not be in control and to not know what might happen next. But most of the time, it brings me joy.
The only reason we become fearful when we don’t know what’s going on is that we’re projecting something to worry about onto that blank screen. We image the worst. It’s kind of funny when you think about it, that we have this tendency to believe that things are going bad if they aren’t going our way. We don’t like the unknown. In this way, needing to know feeds into our fears, because we believe we should know in order to feel safe.
The Magic of Not-Knowing
But it is in the unknown where the magic happens. Developing trust in the Universe to deliver our highest good turns stepping into the mystery into a joyful, daily revelation.
If you could, would you really want to mail-order your ideal partner? Check all the boxes and just have them sent, and you’re done. Now get married. I don’t know about you, but my energy drops when I think about that. There’s no life in knowing exactly what you are getting. There’s no story that builds the foundation of the relationship – how you both ended up pulling the same number in line at the deli, or when you met at the Mindfulness workshop. Total predictability makes life dull.
The Limits of Knowing
But more than the lifelessness of knowing how everything would unfold, it’s tremendously limiting.
Do we really want to limit what can show up in our lives, so that we can be in control and know? I know I don’t. I have limits to what my imagination can create. But when I open to the boundless, infinite possibilities of the Divine, more than what I personally can imagine or know is possible.
It’s hard when we’re waiting to hear back from a job interview. We want to know the outcome, and either celebrate or move on. But if we can let go of our need to know and trust in the highest good, flowing in our life, then we can enjoy whatever is in the present moment – even while waiting for test results or a response to a pitch for a contract.
The Good We Can’t Imagine
Rather than investing our energies in wanting things to stay within our known realms, it’s freeing to allow the unknown to bring us good we couldn’t have imagined. This attitude can transform how we perceive change. Why focus on what bad or scary thing could happen, when we can envision that something better than we could come up with will show up. Even if we don’t get the job, a better one may be on its way.
Reframing Change
This allows us to reframe situations in our lives that are less than perfect. No, I didn’t like it when, over 10 years ago, I pulled open a door and ripped my big toenail off. It was a painful and slow recovery. Had I known it would happen, sure, I’d try to prevent it. But maybe I would have simply caused myself unnecessary suffering, worrying about whether it might happen.
Instead, I got to experience the healing process and model for my daughter, who was just 3 at the time. Things we can’t predict happen in life and we can handle it. It’s not the end of the world. We have strength, resilience, and trust in the healing process. She was quite curious about it when I cleaned it each evening, and wasn’t afraid to look. Perhaps she was a bit less upset the next time she skinned her knee, because she knew I managed when I was hurt. In the end, my toenail regrew, and I saw the hidden gifts in an unpleasant situation.
Freedom: Leaving the Results Up to the Divine
Sure, there are some things that I’d prefer to know about so I can be prepared. And I like envisioning my life, setting intentions, and being creative. But as I set my intent and create my reality with my attitude and perceptions, I leave the results up to the Divine. I relax as I allow a greater wisdom and knowing to steer my life than my own. I trust that it brings me my highest good, rather than just what I had in my control.
That’s freedom in not-knowing. We don’t need to spend our time thinking about it, figuring it out, or worrying about the outcome. All that energy then becomes available to us. We can focus on what we’re creating in this moment, plan for the future, and then let it go, trusting the process.
My heart, mind, and body feel lighter with letting go my attachment to knowing. I have more energy, a sense of adventure, and just plain fun. It’s far more joyful for me to be in the sacred flow of the Great Mystery, allowing unexpected good to show up. How about for you?
by Connie Habash | Sep 12, 2018 | Awareness, Fear, Perspective, Thoughts
My daughter is a Harry Potter fan, and thus I’ve been a bit educated about the many magical people, places, creatures, and spells in the iconic series. One of the most powerful spells in that series of magical books calls forth your Patronus. What is that, you say?
A Patronus is (from J.K. Rowling’s description) “a kind of positive force, a projection of hope, happiness, the desire to survive”. The Patronus can’t feel despair like humans can. Its function is to protect you from forces that want to suck all that positive energy out of you (called the Dementors in Harry Potter land).
Guess what – you have a Patronus, too! It’s that part inside of you that believes in you, that holds your memories of joy and happiness, that sees the magical possibilities of life. You can ward off negativity when you’re tuned into your Patronus.
That negativity often comes not from outside of ourselves, but from our own mind. We all have Dementors of self-criticism, shame, and despair that arise in our thoughts.
The essential practice – when you feel your own Dementors raising their terrifying heads – is to recognize they are thoughts, and don’t really have power over you unless you GIVE it to them.
The power of the Patronus acts as a shield, helping you to re-focus on what is positive in your life rather than allowing the negative thoughts to drag you down.
It can be helpful to visualize your Patronus. Choose an animal that speaks to your heart and soul. Is it a stag, like Harry Potter’s? How about a dolphin? Or like your beloved cat or dog? What about an eagle? Find a power animal that resonates for you to represent your Patronus.
When those negative thoughts arise, cast your spell – EXPECTO PATRONUM! Imagine your Patronus, glowing brightly and powerfully, making a stand between you and the illusory negative thoughts. And just like the Dementors, see those thoughts repelled away.
OK, I know it’s not always that easy to dissipate negative thoughts. But with this fun exercise, you’ll be less intimidated by them. It is one more tool to have in your pocket (along with your wand, of course) that will help you transform negative thinking into something more helpful and uplifting.
With the aid of your Patronus, you can gain some distance from your thoughts, utilize other tools to dismantle them, and find empowerment over them. Perhaps you can practice having compassion for all that fear, worry, and negativity. Imagining your Patronus gives you the perspective to examine those judgments or worries and do a reality check – are they true? Are they necessary? Do I really need to let them have power over me? No, you don’t.
EXPECTO PATRONUM! You’ve got this!
by Connie Habash | Oct 29, 2017 | Darkness, Death, Fear, Inspiration, Life, Shadow, Transformation
Here’s some inspiration just in time for our spooky holiday, Halloween! This is my first article published on Elephant Journal – one of my favorite online spiritual blogs. Overcome your fears, explore your Shadow, honor your ancestors, and more. Read here to make this Halloween meaningful and spiritual!
by Connie Habash | Jul 20, 2017 | Courage, Fear, True Self, Trust
I have a confession to make – I have struggled with the fear of flying for over 12 years, since the birth of my daughter. Seems that bringing a new being into the world and being responsible for her created a deeper reverence for life… and an intensified fear of death.
For many years, I avoided flying at all costs. If I had to fly, my palms would break out into a cold sweat anytime we came upon even mild turbulence. I’d shiver and white knuckle my way through it, trying to hide any signs from my daughter if she was with me.
But after several years of being limited to the ground, the mental and physical decline of my mother on the east coast necessitated more visits – and more flights. It was time to deal with my fear of flying head-on.
About six years ago, I discovered the Fear of Flying Clinic at San Francisco International Airport. I was grateful that one of the best programs to treat flight anxiety was right in my backyard! I took the course and was able to complete the flight to Seattle at its conclusion – a great way to celebrate my new courage.
However, my fear of flying didn’t disappear. And flights didn’t magically become perfectly smooth. No, my fear was still there, but something else was also there – my determination that the fear wasn’t going to keep me imprisoned anymore. I knew there was something within me that was bigger than the fear.
Although my fear of flying hasn’t gone away, it has improved significantly. I have taken 4 trips in the last 9 months, all of them involving air transportation. It gets easier and easier. Yet, there’s not a “happily ever after” here – I still face this anxiety every time I plan a trip. This last flight in June was a doozy, and brought new insights about the gifts of fear.
My daughter and I were returning from a trip down to Southern California, flying out of Burbank airport, just outside LA. It was a very hot day – we didn’t realize how hot, sitting inside the pleasantly air-conditioned terminal. Burbank, as most of Southern California, is a semi-desert area, and the temperatures can soar in the summer months.
We boarded our flight and settled into our seats. I was so relaxed that I wasn’t even thinking about my fear of flying – a huge success for me. The flight into LA was fine 5 days earlier, and I was looking forward to another short, uneventful return home. After sitting on the runway for 20 mintutes, the captain announced over the speakers that the temperature was 107°F, and that the take-off had to be recalculated based on the heat. I had heard of flights in Arizona being delayed for hours the previous week, so it wasn’t terribly surprising. Back to the gate we taxied to sit for another hour and a half.
Finally, we got the go-ahead to take-off! Hurray! I was delighted and enthusiastic to get home. We taxied and set up for take-off, and soon we were airborne. And that’s when my fear of flying rose from the grave.
As we took off, I felt the familiar upward suctioning of our aircraft. Then a few seconds later, a lurch. The plane began jostling around like a jerky amusement park ride. My daughter let out a startled response and looked at me with concern.
Oh no. I forgot about updrafts.
Updrafts happen often over deserts and near mountainous areas – ahem, like Burbank? – on hot days. They can cause serious turbulence. Uh oh.
My body immediately manifested fear – I felt the trembling inside, my palms breaking into the familiar cold sweat. I saw a couple huddled together across the aisle, and another one holding hands in front of them. I wasn’t the only one nervous. One brave soul several rows ahead had her arms in the air, squealing as if she were on a roller coaster. How can she laugh and giggle and think this was fun, when I was terrified?
Yep, I was scared, but two things helped me. One, I understood what was going on and the fact that the pilot knows what is happening and has plenty of experience with it (learned that from the Fear of Flying Clinic!). I could counteract my fearful thoughts with that knowledge. And the other was that my daughter was sitting next to me.
My daughter was counting on me to protect her, support her, and reassure her. So that’s what I did. I was able to witness my fear in my body’s reactions and my fearful thoughts, but I kept my face and voice calm. “It’s OK, sweetie. The pilot is used to this. She takes off in the heat of summer at this airport all the time and knows exactly what to do. The turbulence will stop when we reach a higher elevation.”
At least I hoped. That’s what was supposed to happen, but my fear wasn’t too sure. I was praying hard. Please let this stop. Soon.
I also prayed to be given the courage, patience, and trust to withstand this, for however long the turbulence lasts. I can’t control the turbulence, but if I can be with my anxiety and learn from it, then my fear of flying wouldn’t stop me from going the places I wish to go.
In the moment, fear feels consuming, as if it could destroy me. But it doesn’t. When I am present with the fear and let it teach me, it reveals parts of myself that would lie in obscurity otherwise. I become aware of my Self, that is larger than the fear.
My larger Self steps forward, even in the midst of my anxiety, and comforts my daughter. It keeps some part of me calm while my body wildly reacts. It reminds me that my thoughts aren’t real, even though I’m having real sensations in my body. Fear teaches me that I’m capable of responding rather than reacting, even when I’m terrified.
Fear shows me how to move through it to a larger experience of life. It tells me, yes, I’m stepping into unfamiliar, uncomfortable, uncontrollable territory, but I have courage, patience, and trust to sustain me, and I’m OK. By my willingness to learn from fear, I free myself from its grip.
The turbulence indeed stopped in a few minutes when we reached cruising altitude. Although I’d rather not repeat the experience, I thanked fear for what it taught me.
What are you learning from fear? Share it here. Let it bring out something Greater in you!
copyright © 2017 by Rev. Connie L. Habash
by Connie Habash | Sep 7, 2016 | Aliveness, Courage, Fear, Freedom, Openness, Risk
There was a book written by Shirley MacLaine by that title, back in the 80’s – you may remember it if you’re old enough. One of the first new age/spiritual books that I read, and it deeply touched me.
As the name implies, she was writing about going in a direction most people don’t go – in her case, into spiritual and psychic phenomena. I am relating to the title in a different way, though, right now. Perhaps a bit more literally.
Over the long holiday weekend, my family and I went to Point Reyes National Seashore, a diverse and beautiful piece of coastal wildlands preserved for those lucky people who take the time to drive out there. The three of us were that blessed to explore the secluded beaches, hiking myriad trails through brush and forest, and enjoying the quiet and pastoral countryside.
My daughter was finding every climbable tree in sight and embarking on a gingerly ascent. You can see her and my husband here on one that didn’t require climbing, just carefully walking across the fallen trunk above a stream.
She brought out the explorer in me. Although I was mainly the person holding the camera while she climbed each trunk, I also scaled some small ones with her. We found a bay laurel with a couple cozy niches in the center of its trunk, which she mused would be perfect for crawling into with a good book.
She also relished stepping off-trail to a small waterfall to wash her feet, or to scaling the reddish-brown sand of a crumbling cliff, determined to seat herself in a depression high on its wall. Don’t worry, it wasn’t that risky – the crumbling created a soft, red, sandy slope that lead gently down to the beach. Still, it was edgy for me to climb up there nearby and take her photo, beaming delight to be in her throne carved into the cliff’s face.
You may know, from my last newsletter, that I’m been exploring the edges a lot lately. It’s still uncomfortable. But when I hold back from fear and don’t at least try, I feel a gripping in my body. A tension, as if I’m simultaneously holding something in and pushing something out. When we give in to fear we often freeze, and in that freezing lose something precious. We lose aliveness.
I could feel myself at times squeezing that life out of myself, because I wasn’t willing to venture out on a limb. And at other times, when I went past the fear and “just did it” (thinking restrained, rather than my body), something opened up and flowed, and aliveness was there. Openness in my chest, movement of energy, and the mind falling silent.
Have you noticed that tension when you hold back, when you run away from the edge and shut down? What does your body long to do? Can you feel what shifts when you step into something new, something daring – not by force, but by joyful choice? What is it like when your body is open, free, and alive?
Maybe you’d rather not actually climb a tree. But you can imagine what it’s like to sit out on a limb, just high enough to see the blackberries growing on the other side of the fence, and the ocean in the distance. Lean back against the support of the trunk, feel the breeze in your hair, and let your body feel alive. Close your eyes and try to feel the freedom in your chest, your back, your belly. Take that feeling with you into your journey. How do you want to go out on a limb in your life?
Deciding whether to venture onto an unfamiliar trail was difficult and brought up fear – but choosing, rather than deciding, got me through to the river. 
on its back! A rattler! But in a split second I noticed it was rooted in the ground, with another one next to it. Just some sort of metal infrastructure for the trail, but it combined with my fear to cause my survival instinct to kick in. 
I know it’s crude – but it’s true. Just like we need to poop out what we eat, we also need to poop out our emotions. Here’s the why and how.
At a point of internal crisis in myself with my fears and worries, two friends from nature – an oak tree and a boulder – grounded me and brought me back to my Divine Self.
The definition of fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” I find this definition very helpful because it distinguishes actual threat (which would be true danger of harm) from the belief that something could be dangerous. Anxiety is essentially a repetitive state of fear, a state of awareness focused on what could be fearful. We perpetuate the belief that something could be dangerous, and that arouses a state of anxiety.
Many of us, myself included, like to be in control; knowing what will happen or understanding a situation makes us feel more in command of our lives. But I’ve come to appreciate the freedom and ease of not-knowing.
Here’s some inspiration just in time for our spooky holiday, Halloween! This is my first article published on 
I have a confession to make – I have struggled with the fear of flying for over 12 years, since the birth of my daughter. Seems that bringing a new being into the world and being responsible for her created a deeper reverence for life… and an intensified fear of death.
