by Connie Habash | Feb 27, 2021 | Anxiety, Being, Depression, Doing, Presence, Thoughts
Many of us – especially through the pandemic – struggle with upsetting emotions and don’t know what to do about it. Normally, we might reach out to a friend or spend time with a family member to feel supported. But even before we were bound to our homes or kept physically-distanced, we may have been too busy to connect with them. Our devices have taken over for much of the time we would be spending face to face with people we care about. This may leave us feeling disconnected from the world, depressed, and anxious.
There are many ways, however, that we can release these feelings, shift our mindset, and increase our sense of happiness and satisfaction with life, even while sheltered in place. The most powerful that I have found – and the simplest – is practicing Presence.
Believing Our Thoughts
Recently, I was working with a client who was struggling with anxiety. She had a fear about what other people might think of her. It’s a very common experience that you might be able to relate to. She was also feeling very alone, and as a result, a bit down.
What she discovered as we journeyed through the session was that she spent a lot of time imagining the worst, thinking about all the awful things that other people might judge about her, all her shortcomings, etc. Yet when she reality-checked those thoughts – were they true? Did she know that those people were thinking about her at all? She recognized that they had no basis in reality. But when she repeated those thoughts over and over, and believed them, she spiraled down into worry and sadness.
Shifting from Thoughts to the Here and Now
Introducing the practice of presence created a palpable change for her. Over several minutes, shifting her attention from the thoughts to the physical sensations of her emotions, she discovered that the emotions would release. She was left with a feeling of greater ease and relaxation. It wasn’t from trying to get rid of the thoughts; it was from shifting her attention to the here and now, palpable experience through her senses.
We’ve heard of mindfulness practices; presence is similar. By becoming present, we stop for a moment, notice what is happening, and let go of the need to think. Thinking keeps us in the world of thought, spun by the mind. Thoughts pull us out of presence – and often into mindsets that create agitation and upset.
Thinking vs. Being
So in practicing presence, we do our best (albeit imperfectly) to let go of thinking and reorient ourselves to what is happening right here in the moment. We fully give ourselves to whatever we see, hear, feel, touch, or taste, and allow it to touch us. Presence helps shift us out of constant doing and thinking into Being, which is our true nature.
When we’re fully present with our breath, the sound of the leaves blowing in the wind, the taste of morning coffee, or our steps on the pavement as we walk to our car, we receive a break from the demands of life and spaciousness opens within us. In that calm quietness that comes from letting go of thoughts and focusing on the present, we can feel a deeper connection to ourselves, the world around us, and the Divine.
Presence is a Practice
This practice of presence is so very simple in concept, and yet simple doesn’t mean easy! When we practice mindfulness in the moment, one of the first things we notice is everything that gets in the way of being present. Over and over, the mind gets triggered into thoughts that lead to emotions, and those can trigger many more thoughts that take us far away from being right here, right now. It’s an ingrained tendency to get caught up in thought.
So it’s important to be patient with yourself when learning to practice presence. It takes some time and effort to change those tendencies. And it’s a practice – we aren’t expected to do it perfectly.
Give It a Try
It is much easier to learn presence from someone who has walked the territory. But you can still practice on your own. When you notice thoughts arising, shift your attention back to your senses; what is happening here right now? What do you feel in your body? What do you notice around you? If a strong emotion arises, give yourself permission to feel it in the body, but try your best to let go of thoughts and stories about the emotion. Experience it as it is – a sensation moving through you, like a wave.
This is a simple and short introduction to presence… and I will share more about presence with you in coming posts from my book, Awakening from Anxiety. Stay tuned! Meanwhile, give presence a try. Share here any questions, and what challenges you have from “thinking”. Together, we can shift out of the mental agitation into more joyful, peaceful, fulfilled lives.
by Connie Habash | Oct 12, 2020 | Consciousness, Let Go, Presence, Receiving, Release, Seasons, Thoughts, Transformation
It’s autumn: the season to reflect. What better time to recognize the thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions that hold us back, and use the energies of autumn to transform them through the 5 R’s: reminisce, reflect, review, release, and receive.
Science has discovered that we have tens of thousands of thoughts every day. Everything from the mundane, “oh, the light is turning red” to more profound, unique, abstract ideas.
But the majority of our thoughts, if we’re being honest with ourselves, are not novel or unique. They re-hash, over and over, old perceptions, attitudes, and belief systems that accompanied us from childhood.
Because they aren’t unusual or insightful, we don’t even notice these old, repetitive thoughts. Unfortunately, that means they carry a lot of influence on our mood, behavior, and reactions to life. They fly under the radar in our subconscious or even unconscious mind.
If we want to create change in our lives (let alone in our world), it’s essential that we bring to conscious awareness what thoughts are happening within us. We need to unearth what affects us under the surface.
Our Inner Sewage System
It’s like the sewage system: in our city, most of the time, we aren’t aware of all that poopy yuck flowing under us. But someone is – the people in charge of keeping the sewers clean, those who run the sewage treatment plants, and of course the departments that administrate all of that, all the way up to the city mayor or the county Department of Health.
I’m not going to spend my time or yours going into the details of all that, but the point is that there is a lot going on beyond our awareness that affects our well-being in the world, and that goes for inside our mind, too. Thoughts, like the sewer systems, need to be brought to awareness and either utilized or cleaned out. We need to have our inner head of the Department of Mental Health on the job to keep our system clean, spacious, and flowing with fresh, healthy waters of consciousness.
Since it’s autumn, the season of letting go – and allowing what no longer has life to decompose – it’s a good time to release, compost, and renew our thoughts and mind.
Autumn’s inward time supports work with the “re-” words: reminisce, reflect, review, release, and receive. These 5 “R’s” will help you become aware of what thoughts you’re having, where they have come from, and how to change and release them, leaving you with a renewed perspective. Take a little time to look inside yourself – and break out a journal if you can – to experience some transformation in your mind.
Reminisce
Autumn is a great time to look back on life. There’s something about the falling leaves that always has me think about the past. If you have become aware of certain thoughts that are causing you trouble – such as thoughts of self-doubt, for example – you can be sure that one or more events in your past initiated that train of thought.
Look back to the earliest time you can remember feeling that way. Journal about it – what happened, who was there, how did you feel, and what conclusions did you come to?
Reflect
Now, take your recalled memory a little deeper, and reflect on what happened as a result of that. If you were to sum up that issue in one sentence of what you believed about yourself or life, what would it be? Write it down.
Reflect also on all the ways in which that belief has played out in your life. Consider how it affected your decision making, and influenced the way you perceived others, situations, and yourself. Again, journal your reflections and insights about this belief (and you may unearth “corollaries” to that belief that branched off into other areas of your life and reinforced it).
Review
Now, look at your beliefs that you have identified. Consider viewing the situations that initiated them from a different perspective. Did you misinterpret something and lived off of that conclusion? Were the other people involved only reacting from their unconscious beliefs, rather than actually seeing and understanding you? Were you unnecessarily hard on yourself? Did you absorb the beliefs of a parent or other influential person in your life without recognizing you had other choices?
Re-view: consider a new point of view that leads to a different conclusion and a more helpful belief. I find that Byron Katie’s “The Work” is really helpful and powerful here. She uses a practice called “the turnaround” that gives a very different perspective on a belief.
For example, you might have the belief, “Everyone demands so much of me.” You’d probably be a very busy individual, with a lot of people that depend on you. But with the turnaround, you may realize something else is going on besides a bunch of people grabbing all yourr energy and attention. In fact, it may not be true at all. With the turnaround, you shift the thought into its opposite, and often it reveals something more true than the original belief.
You could turn around a belief like this – “Everyone demands so much of me” – in a variety of ways:
- No one demands so much of me – how many people are directly asking for things and expecting them? With a reality check, maybe not so many.
- Everyone demands so little of me – perhaps they aren’t asking for anything, but you keep yourself incredibly busy in order to feel special and needed?
- I demand so much of me – You might be extremely self-critical, and you’re the one putting all the pressure on yourself, not anyone else
- I demand so little of everyone else – Are you taking on things for others that you don’t need to? Are you being codependent and doing things for others that they should do for themselves?
After doing a turnaround, you re-view – you discover a fresh perspective. You can choose a new belief about yourself and life that works better for you.
Release
Finally, just like the trees do with their foliage, consider releasing the thoughts altogether. It’s much easier to let go of unhealthy thoughts and beliefs when you’ve gone through the process of reminisce, reflect, and review, because it takes the mystery and power out of them. Now, you’re just seeing them as a thought and not “the way that it is.”
Ultimately, none of the thoughts are true – they are simply different ways to perceive and react. Just like the leaves, at one point in your life they probably served a purpose, but that time is long over. Thoughts should be used to serve a helpful purpose, and then released so that new inspiration can flow.
Have some fun with releasing thoughts – write them on little pieces of paper, and then do a “burning bowl” ceremony (but remember to be safe – have some water nearby to put out the fire!). You can burn them over a sink, if you wish. As you watch the paper go up in flame, imagine all of those beliefs and perceptions disappear in the smoke, leaving you with clarity and peace.
The practice of Presence, too, helps to release our thinking mind, open our hearts, and come fully into this moment. Rather than telling the thoughts to go away (that doesn’t usually work so well!), shift your attention to what is right here, right now. Use your 5 senses to help you discern that.
Chances are good that none of those thoughts are happening right now. And even if they are – if you’re seeing an apple in a tree and telling yourself, “there’s a green apple on that branch”, the thought is not the same thing as the reality. You can’t bite into a thought like you can that apple. Be Present, with a quiet mind and open heart, right there with the apple. See it; perhaps touch it and smell it. Just sit there with it, releasing the thoughts about it and keep turning your attention back to the apple. Sooner or later, the mind quiets down and immerses in the object of your attention.
Receive
Releasing thoughts renews your energy and allows you to receive that energy back. Imagine leaves, dropped from the trees above, composting on the forest floor. All of that compost returns nutrients to the soil, which continue to support the life of the ecosystem. When you let go of thoughts, you receive back all the energy you were expending on them. Releasing unnecessary, unhelpful beliefs and attitudes recharges your body and mind. That’s some powerful thought composting!
When you release the thoughts that no longer support you, you’ll also discover some inner spaciousness. There’s a feeling of ease. In that spaciousness within us, we can receive the blessings that life offers us.
When we practice Presence, it is more than just being there with the apple; it’s receiving the apple’s Presence with you. Everything in life offers us something in the present moment. The apple is already Present: it’s simply being itself. Fully. No thoughts in the way of just being. Receive that gift of Presence, and feel how Presence is two-way: it’s a flowing connection with All That Is.
Remember!
So while you’re enjoying the changes of the fall season, remember to change your mind, too. Bring those unconscious thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions to the surface of your awareness. It’s the perfect time to transform them through the 5 “R’s”: reminisce, reflect, review, release, and receive. Allow autumn to support you in new beliefs and perspectives – or, like the leaves, let go of them altogether.
What are you discovering with the 5 “R’s”? Leave your thoughts here (pun intended!).
by Connie Habash | Sep 12, 2018 | Awareness, Fear, Perspective, Thoughts
My daughter is a Harry Potter fan, and thus I’ve been a bit educated about the many magical people, places, creatures, and spells in the iconic series. One of the most powerful spells in that series of magical books calls forth your Patronus. What is that, you say?
A Patronus is (from J.K. Rowling’s description) “a kind of positive force, a projection of hope, happiness, the desire to survive”. The Patronus can’t feel despair like humans can. Its function is to protect you from forces that want to suck all that positive energy out of you (called the Dementors in Harry Potter land).
Guess what – you have a Patronus, too! It’s that part inside of you that believes in you, that holds your memories of joy and happiness, that sees the magical possibilities of life. You can ward off negativity when you’re tuned into your Patronus.
That negativity often comes not from outside of ourselves, but from our own mind. We all have Dementors of self-criticism, shame, and despair that arise in our thoughts.
The essential practice – when you feel your own Dementors raising their terrifying heads – is to recognize they are thoughts, and don’t really have power over you unless you GIVE it to them.
The power of the Patronus acts as a shield, helping you to re-focus on what is positive in your life rather than allowing the negative thoughts to drag you down.
It can be helpful to visualize your Patronus. Choose an animal that speaks to your heart and soul. Is it a stag, like Harry Potter’s? How about a dolphin? Or like your beloved cat or dog? What about an eagle? Find a power animal that resonates for you to represent your Patronus.
When those negative thoughts arise, cast your spell – EXPECTO PATRONUM! Imagine your Patronus, glowing brightly and powerfully, making a stand between you and the illusory negative thoughts. And just like the Dementors, see those thoughts repelled away.
OK, I know it’s not always that easy to dissipate negative thoughts. But with this fun exercise, you’ll be less intimidated by them. It is one more tool to have in your pocket (along with your wand, of course) that will help you transform negative thinking into something more helpful and uplifting.
With the aid of your Patronus, you can gain some distance from your thoughts, utilize other tools to dismantle them, and find empowerment over them. Perhaps you can practice having compassion for all that fear, worry, and negativity. Imagining your Patronus gives you the perspective to examine those judgments or worries and do a reality check – are they true? Are they necessary? Do I really need to let them have power over me? No, you don’t.
EXPECTO PATRONUM! You’ve got this!
by Connie Habash | Jun 9, 2014 | Consciousness, Meditation, Nature, Peace, Quiet, Thoughts, Tranqulity
Imagine sitting by the shore of a pond. There is a gentle breeze, just enough to tickle you, on a balmy, warm day. You can hear birds singing, talking to one another, with spacious periods of serene silence in-between. At the near edge of the pond is a grouping of lily pads, with several pale pink blossoms opening themselves to the sun. Other than the occasional duck that paddles by, the water is smooth as glass, undisturbed and reflective.
Suddenly, a sizable stone is tossed in the air, and lands soundly in the middle of the pond with a ker-plunk! A duck, seemingly out of nowhere, takes flight, fleeing to the far side of the pond, while the birds pause, listening. Ripples extend out from the point of impact, yet the stone itself has disappeared, settling to the muddy bottom.
Slowly, steadily, the ripples soften in their intensity, echoing out to the pond’s edge, and gradually the water returns to its smooth, undisturbed state. The birds resume their song, and the cattails gently bend in the soft breeze.
For me, this is a place of tranquility – quiet and peaceful, harmonious and natural. We all love to spend time in tranquil places in nature. But what we seek most is the tranquility of the mind and spirit. This is a mind that is free from agitation, undisturbed. It is an inner state of steadiness.
But like the pond, disturbances are part of life. We inevitably experience situations that create turmoil from time to time. More commonly, we experience mental turmoil – rumination, obsessive thoughts, worries, frustration. Just like the stone thrown into the water, we are all too familiar with pebbles, stones, and large rocks pummeling our internal pool.
The key to maintaining inner tranquility is found in the metaphor of the pond. The pond doesn’t resist the stone; it receives it, and feels the ripples from its impact. But the difference between us and the pond is that the pond lets it go. It allows the ripples to move out from the center of contact, and gently subside into stillness again. The stone becomes absorbed into the muddy bottom, settling into the stillness in the background of awareness.
When disturbing thoughts arise, become aware of them. Witness them, as if you were watching the ripple effects of the stone landing in the water. But don’t get caught up in the thought, clinging to it and building a story around it. Instead, let the thought go. Allow it to fade into the background, and feel what is beneath the thoughts: the inner silence.
The more attention given to the inner silence, that place of stillness that beneath the thinking mind, the more tranquility emerges within you. You’ll feel undisturbed, even when ripples of thought flow through. You’ll be grounded in the place beyond the surface-level agitations of the mind.
It takes practice, but tranquility can be yours as you learn to identify with the inner stillness, rather than the surface-level agitations. Be like the pond; as the thoughts subside, choose to return to the smooth, reflective inner space of tranquility, over and over again.
by Connie Habash | Apr 9, 2014 | Choices, Consciousness, Create, Manifestation, Patience, Sick, Thoughts, Tired
It’s part 2 of my Not-So Patient Patient story. Yeah, believe it or not.
Now I’m going on 8 weeks of having some sort of bug – I would seem to be almost over one ailment, and then I’d catch something else.
I believe that I’m just about over this cycle. But the journey has deepened again.
My new-found patience led me to explore my internal attitudes. What thought was I holding onto in my consciousness? What could be behind this perpetuated illness?
Then I got angry with my husband about revisiting an old argument I thought we had put to rest. And angry with my daughter about not cooperating when I asked her to pick up her marbles. And I just hate being sick. I’m sick and tired of it!
Uh oh. Did I really just think that? How often have I been thinking that I’m “sick and tired” of it? Could that be behind why I’ve been feeling sick and tired?
Yes, it just might be.
So I’ve been working with my thoughts. And I found that, in both subtle and overt ways, I’ve been holding that energy of being “sick and tired.” My body finally seemed to agree. That’s a problem.
Our thoughts are powerful. We can create, transform, and manifest much of what we desire in life. We can also create what we don’t want, too. If we’re focused on what is a problem and what we don’t want, we may find ourselves experiencing more of it. Are we focusing on problems, or solutions?
This doesn’t mean to be in denial about the problem, but to be very intentional about how we approach it. I am recognizing what is problematic for me in my life, and looking at how I can change it – both on the internal level of my reactions and perceptions, and the external level of my behaviors.
I’m also changing the mantra of “sick and tired” to “I’m Healthy and Trusting”. I’m trusting the process, by being patient and recognizing the purpose for my experience. It is changing the way I respond to life in a positive and empowering way.
Have you been “sick and tired”? What’s the mantra you’ve been repeating? What do you want to change it to? Share it here.
Many of us – especially through the pandemic – struggle with upsetting emotions and don’t know what to do about it. Normally, we might reach out to a friend or spend time with a family member to feel supported. But even before we were bound to our homes or kept physically-distanced, we may have been too busy to connect with them. Our devices have taken over for much of the time we would be spending face to face with people we care about. This may leave us feeling disconnected from the world, depressed, and anxious.
Imagine sitting by the shore of a pond. There is a gentle breeze, just enough to tickle you, on a balmy, warm day. You can hear birds singing, talking to one another, with spacious periods of serene silence in-between. At the near edge of the pond is a grouping of lily pads, with several pale pink blossoms opening themselves to the sun. Other than the occasional duck that paddles by, the water is smooth as glass, undisturbed and reflective.
It’s part 2 of my Not-So Patient Patient story. Yeah, believe it or not.
