by Connie Habash | Aug 7, 2023 | Anxiety, Articles, Choices, Discernment, Fear
Deciding whether to venture onto an unfamiliar trail was difficult and brought up fear – but choosing, rather than deciding, got me through to the river.
It was a hot day in Nevada City, where I was staying with a friend for a few days. I had the afternoon free and wanted to explore the Yuba River, so I decided to head out on my own to find a shady refuge by the water.
I hoped to find a quiet place on the river to do Sit Spot. But when I arrived and ambled around the main access path down to the water, it was clear there was little shade, and no peace and quiet. In these temperatures, everyone was swimming and partying at the river.
Which meant that if I were to find a more peaceful spot, I’d have to set off on a trail. A trail I had never been on and didn’t know how long it was. The only one to be found ascended the hill along the western side of the river. Did it descend back down to the water? Was it super steep? How many miles to where I could dip my toes in the current? I had no idea, but there was only one way to find out.
I had noticed a lot of poison oak in the areas near the swimming holes, and this trail was no different. Fears were looming in my consciousness. Steep drop-off to my right, down to the river. Poison oak on both sides. Steps continuing to ascend, in the heat. Oh, and rattlesnakes – I had been warned there were rattlers in the area. The path is going further and further from the river’s side. Trepidation was slowing my footsteps in uncertainty.
I don’t have to do this hike, I said to myself. Maybe I’m having an intuition that something’s wrong. But maybe it’s just my old fear shutting me down from a solo adventure. What should I do? Decide to commit to this hike, or not?
I felt stuck in indecision. So I tried a different tactic. Every few minutes, I would stop and ask myself, “do I choose to continue?” At any point, I can choose to stop and turn around. And I can also choose to continue for a few more minutes. Right now, I choose to continue.
As I rounded a small corner, I jumped; at chest height, a ledge, it looked like a small snake with diamonds
on its back! A rattler! But in a split second I noticed it was rooted in the ground, with another one next to it. Just some sort of metal infrastructure for the trail, but it combined with my fear to cause my survival instinct to kick in.
Well, I thought, I’m going to need to be aware of these illusory fears at the same time as being conscious of the hazards along the way. One hazard is potentially real, and the other is a psychological hazard that hinders me from exploration.
Do I choose to continue? Yes, I do. And with mindful awareness – being Present and grounded in my body – I move forward. Relaxed, yet attentive to my thoughts, perceptions and what I notice with my senses.
What was that sound? Did I hear rattling? It was hard to discern – the river rushing in the gully below sounded a bit like that. Then there was a different buzzing; no, that was the cicadas. But what about that more raspy sound? Ah, it was the wind gently blowing the dried buckeye leaves, hanging brown and crisp from the branches. Once again, although my senses were attuned, my mind misinterprets what I notice.
Thank goodness I have inner discernment, as I walk through fears bit by bit. Yes, I choose to continue!
The path ascends a bit more, then rolling up and down, twisting and turning. I pause regularly from time to time, checking in with all parts of myself to make sure that I am not overriding serious concerns. But each time I observe myself, the fears seem unfounded.
Others traverse the trail with me. They let me know that I could access the river through small side trails that have been created by adventurers – and those are rife with poison oak. But if I continued for about a mile, I’d reach a crossing, where there was a “beach” of sorts, and the trail meets the river.
Resuming my walk, my confidence builds bit by bit, overcoming the fears that always want me to stop and go back to where it was safe and predictable. Do I choose to continue? Yes, I do.
Finally, as I amble down a more gravelly (and somewhat slippery) part of the trail, I turn a corner and see a sign up ahead, surrounded by more large, whitish boulders. “Hoyt Crossing”. I’ve made it! A few hundred feet past the sign, the foliage diminishes, the path opens up, and I’ve arrived at the rocky beach alongside the Yuba river.
I choose to continue – and I arrive at the river!
Elation and celebration! I drop my pack and hop over rocks to get to a pool of water, where I dunk my feet, shoes and all. Hooray! I made it! The cool water washes away the dust of delusion from my sandals and I realize this was really no big deal. What made it so big in my mind was the projections of fear into uncertainty.
Finding a spot in the shade, I enjoy a snack, observe plants that are new to me, watch others enjoying the refreshing waters, and reflect on my experience.
I didn’t judge myself for having fear and anxiety. That’s common and very human. What felt so good was that I found a way to gently encourage myself; by remembering that I could choose all along the way. It was empowering to know that I always have choices in my actions, perceptions, and responses to life.
The hike back was, of course, much easier – I knew what to expect. The fears were quelled and replaced with gratitude. I’m so glad I chose to continue and reached my goal. But mostly I was glad that I gave myself choices, never forcing nor abandoning myself all along the way.
by Connie Habash | May 12, 2023 | Anxiety, Depression, Healing, Spirituality, Stress
It’s Mental Health Awareness month, and I feel there’s an aspect of our well-being that is often overlooked with the challenges of increased depression, anxiety, and loneliness in our era. And that’s spiritual health.
Before you consider what spiritual health is, let’s be clear on what I’m referring to as spiritual. Spirituality is our personal relationship to something greater than us. Many confuse spirituality with religion. Certainly, people who follow a particular religious tradition can be spiritual. But not necessarily so. And no one needs a religion in order to have a connection to something greater.
What is that “something greater”?
We might traditionally call connection to something greater “God”, but we may not. God can be a triggering word for many of us, and misunderstood based on dogma that we grew up with that doesn’t resonate anymore. I like to use more neutral terms, such as The Divine, Spirit, or Creator.
But that “something greater” can go beyond even the idea of a higher power with a somewhat human form or characteristics. It can include The Universe or Cosmos, the higher order of all that exists. It can be Nature itself, the extraordinary interconnectedness of all life. It can also be higher qualities that we value and bring harmony to our world, such as unconditional love, truth, integrity, compassion, or selfless service.
Spirituality is something that you experience within yourself and cultivate within yourself. It is a journey that only you can take, although you certainly can share that journey with others, too. But ultimately, spirituality taps us into a deeper, more profound feeling than what everyday, ordinary life is capable of providing.
Spiritual Health
I see much of the despair, worry, and loneliness of people I encounter in my counseling practice, and in my community, as soul suffering. Without a greater vision and sense of the numinous, life can feel empty and meaningless. Spiritual health is having our connection to that greater vision consciously alive within us. When spirituality is part of our life, we feel more whole and fulfilled.
We are part of something much more vast and intricate than any of us can imagine. This can cause us to feel small and insignificant. As we look up at the stars, this is true. Yet, when we have a connection to the Divine, both within us and all around us, life becomes meaningful. As we deepen in that connection, we can expand into a sense of Oneness with that vast, sacred presence.
Each of Us Matters
Spirituality helps us understand our part in life. We are spiritual beings, coming into form to experience humanness. We came here to participate and contribute. We can here to heal one another and the planet. Each of us has value and purpose, and if we make a difference in one other being’s life, we have mattered.
When we have spiritual health, we feel a sense of belonging. That we are not truly alone, because there is something greater than us that supports us and nurtures us. We may believe that isn’t so. But we know that the sun shines every day, even behind the clouds, and gives our planet light. The waters of the glaciers and the clouds support all life. The planet, left to her natural harmony, provides food abundantly. All of life is a part of us through the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat. The Creator supports us and all life on our planet; not just physically, but our hearts and souls, too.
In order to receive that support from and experience that connection to the Divine, we need to cultivate it and open to it. If you haven’t explored your spirituality before, or want to reignite that sacred spark, here are some ways you can start:
- Light a candle and sit quietly with it for a few minutes, focusing gently on the flame
- Attend an ecstatic dance event
- Try out a new church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or spiritual center – even if it is a different tradition than what you grew up with
- Take a walk alone in nature or through your neighborhood, mindfullly
- Sit by the ocean and listen to the waves
- Simply sit, where you are, and be fully present with whatever is
- Listen to chanting, kirtan, gospel, or other inspiring music
- Join a local meditation group – meditating in community deepens the experience. Or meditate on your own.
- Journal about your beliefs – what you grew up with, and where they have evolved to this time in your life. What do you believe?
- Write a letter to Spirit; feel free to express your emotions (even if it is anger – God can handle it), share your concerns, show your gratitude, and ask your questions
- Listen for answers: they may come from within, or show up spontaneously in your environment
- Open your heart and love without expectation
- Practice Selfless Service by volunteering in your community
- Start a conversation about spiritual beliefs with a good friend; listen to their experiences
- Watch, listen to, or read inspiration from a sacred text or by well-known spiritual teachers (some good resources: Sounds True and Hay House)
- Find a MeetUp group with a spiritual topic of interest in your local area
- Sit outside in the yard or at a park and open to receive and explore what comes to you, outside of you or within your awareness
What has inspired you in the past? What has been beckoning to your soul? What can you add to the list?
Your spiritual health is part of your mental health and overall well-being. Take the time to seek it, develop it, and open to receive it. Your own spiritual journey will renew you and reveal blessings in abundance.
Ready to deepen your spiritual health? Let’s explore together – Contact Me to inquire about spiritually-oriented psychotherapy or spiritual mentoring!
by Connie Habash | Jan 10, 2023 | anger, Anxiety, Articles, Depression, Emotions, Fear
I know it’s crude – but it’s true. Just like we need to poop out what we eat, we also need to poop out our emotions. Here’s the why and how.
My acupuncturist always emphasizes to me the importance of, shall we say, clearing my bowels. Every day, and preferably more than once. Because the digestive system has to keep things moving through at a healthy pace – not too fast, but definitely not too slow. If we don’t have our poops, things get backed up and it’s a serious problem for our well-being.
Does it surprise you, then, that the same goes for our emotions? My colleague, Rachel Kaplan, first described the idea of emotional pooping to me when I was a guest on her Healing, Feeling Sh*t Show.
Emotions Process and Digest the Experiences of Life
Our emotions are the way that we process and respond to the energies of life. Our system “digests” everything we experience, and therefore we also have emotional waste products, just like we have food waste that comes through our bowels.
It’s healthy to have a bowel movement every day – it means we have digested reasonably well, and we need to release what we don’t need so that we can take in more nourishment. It’s also vitally important for that waste to move out of us, as it can cause toxic consequences stuck inside our bodies.
We’re often unaware of this digestive and eliminative process happening within us. Yet we know when we’re hungry, and we know when it’s time to make a trip to the bathroom!
Similarly, we’re digesting experiences and having emotions about them all the time, even if we aren’t aware of it. We do know when we long for connection, when we’re feeling hurt, or when joy is bursting forth. But there are more subtle emotions that course through us, also having an effect on us.
What is an Emotional Poop?
To have an emotional poop is to bring to consciousness what we’re feeling, giving it a healthy means of expression, and letting it go. If we avoid this process, we can have a backlog of emotional stuff stuck within us. This can create emotionally “toxicity”: resentments if we hold onto anger, anxiety if we don’t deal with our fears, or despair if we keep running from our sadness.
Emotional poops, just like our bowel movements, need to happen with regularity. We may not always need an emotional release every single day like we might need to go to the bathroom, but it’s essential to consciously check-in with your emotions and have consistent practices for moving them through your system and out.
The benefits? Well, if you’ve ever moved through a challenging feeling until you experienced a release, you know. We often feel lighter, more energized, free, and a sense of relief. Yeah, just like those regular trips to the restroom. 🤣 Having your “emotional poop” releases the stressors that are part of life on Earth. It can also improve our relationships, bring clarity, help us communicate our feelings and needs, and even increase creative flow.
How to Have That Emotional Poop?
What are some ways to consciously move feelings through us and then let them go? Here are some ideas!
- “What am I feeling right now?” – This is a simple and easy question to check in with yourself. If you don’t know, you can ask “If I were to guess, what emotions could I be experiencing”? Go with anything that comes up, even if you aren’t sure or it isn’t very strong.
- “What is being left unsaid?” – Sometimes the things we are holding inside that we would like to say to someone else – or even to ourselves – will lead us to the emotions. Once you recognize the feelings that you want to express, you can determine how to best address them, either directly with the other person or by continuing to explore within yourself.
- Move Your Body – What does your body feel like doing right now? Stomping, jumping up and down, slowly reaching your arms to the sky, or collapsing on your back? Let your body move in the ways it spontaneously wants, and pay attention to the emotions you experience as you move.
- Put on the Dance Music! – Related to the movement, there may be a song that you are called to. Put it on and let yourself dance out your anger, nervousness, or deep desires. Punch or kick the air, growl like a tiger as you move, shimmy sensually – no one is watching, and it feels good to get it all out.
- Scribble – Many people feel intimidated about doing “art” to express their emotions, but you don’t have to create any kind of work of art to allow yourself to explore with color, shapes, and movement. Break out the crayons, markers, pastels, or paints, and scribble over the page. Try not to think about what you’re doing; allow spontaneous movements, and feel your emotions as you doodle. Play with more pressure and intensity or lightness and softness. Give the materials, your hand, and your emotions free rein over the page in whatever way feels good or helps you get those feelings out.
- Journal – The tried and true method of working through emotions and releasing them. You can have a notebook dedicated to your emotional poops.
- Offer Them to the Divine – Emotional poops can be included in your spiritual practice, believe it or not. Take a moment of prayer to acknowledge the feeling you are having and offer it to Spirit out loud – “I give you my frustration, I offer to you my fear”, etc. Surrender it to something bigger than you. Or you can write down your feelings on small pieces of paper and place them on an altar for the Divine to assist you with. Each week or month, take your pieces of paper to the recycle bin or burn them in a bowl.
Consider ways you can invite a regular “emotional poop” as a practice into your life. It may bring a little more levity and fun into healing and releasing emotions, and supports you in feeling your emotions, letting them go, and experiencing more ease within. Share here what works for you!
by Connie Habash | Nov 15, 2022 | Anxiety, Articles, Being, Capability, Confidence, Fear, Presence, Transformation
At a point of internal crisis in myself with my fears and worries, two friends from nature – an oak tree and a boulder – grounded me and brought me back to my Divine Self.
It was a particularly intense day at the 5-day silent retreat. A lot of fear arose within me from situations that were beyond my control. I had spiraled down into feeling guilt, shame, powerlessness, and a myriad of other painful emotions. It seemed they had all come up to be seen, felt, and released – except the release hadn’t come yet.
On our break, I took a walk down the suburban street, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t care who saw me in this state. I let them roll. This process was leading me somewhere, as were my feet, taking me to the place I found refuge in: the oaks and boulders at the nearby park.
My heart wanted to be in the limbs of one of the large live oaks that sprawled on the grounds, so I headed to the closest, most accessible one, and climbed aboard. It wasn’t very high, and I could lean back into her strength and sob. I heaved heavy sighs, trying to soften into her thick trunk.
My inner ear opened to listen to my wise old friend. I waited. Two words came to me – “I can”.
What is “I can”? Can what? What can a tree do? Well, it became clear – a tree can grow. That is what its main objective is, to continue to grow and expand. It knew how to do this from its very inception as an acorn, and that is the essential life goal for a grand oak; to continue to grow.
“I can – I can grow” I said to myself. It was an invitation to expand beyond these emotions, to grow and unfold into my Larger, Divine Self. I knew this was possible – I can grow.
Carefully, I made my way down the tree, leaping off the last couple of feet with a crunch into the compost; layers of the small, prickly, coast live oak leaves, almost a foot deep in places around the park. Months and years of growth lay there. The leaves had fallen off the branches and were decomposing slowly into the ground, while the grand old oak continued to stretch, unfold, and expand above.
Next, I turned toward the middle of the park, past the small playground with a swing and slide, to the large boulders. I wondered at how they were formed there. Was it a volcanic eruption? Or more likely pushed across the continent by vast glaciers. Who knows. Here they were, a mystery, but sitting submerged into the landscape, some as long as a bus and the tallest about 12-15 feet high or so.
That’s the boulder I headed for – the tallest one. I had figured out a pretty easy access up to its summit from around the back, scrambling over some smaller boulders and pulling myself up by hand holds and outcroppings. I felt great confidence in ascending to the top; it was joyful and empowering to overcome my doubt of my climbing abilities and fear of heights. Yes, I can, as the oak tree taught me.
Happily triumphant, I settled in on a slight dip in the granite surface, just right for my seated perch. Here, at this height, I could look across the expanse of the park, at the level of the high branches in the many other oaks, as if I were a bird meandering among the leaves and acorns.
Off to my right was one of the largest oaks, and beyond that, the lake. The lake that taught all of us in the retreat that miracles are possible. When we arrived, it was nearly dried up – just a small wet area on the far end where a lone white crane searched for a meal. The next day, a torrent of rain arrived, rarely seen in this arid part of southern California.
Sitting on the boulder, a view of the tree and lake
For an entire day and night, the rain drove through the small valley, blowing in waves it seemed, gently nourishing the parched, sandy red soil. The oaks and boulders happily received it. And so did this lake – in just 24 hrs, the entire thing filled up, and a goose as well as about a dozen ducks arrived, happily swimming about the waters and foraging. Yes, miracles can happen in a day.
So I knew that a grand transformation was possible – in the land, and in me. I sat on the boulder, heart and palms open, receptive to its message. And I heard: “I Am.”
The boulder’s gift was stillness, silence, Presence. As it sits, forever planted in this landscape, it simply is, and it knows that it is. It knows the power of Being. “I Am”, said the boulder. That was my message.
The messages of the oak and the boulder came together for me, in a sweet and simple way:
“I Can”, said the oak tree
“I Can Grow”.
“I AM” said the boulder.
And that’s all I need to know.
My body softened, and my energy settled down into the firm support of this enormous rock that I sat atop. I felt the boulder’s groundedness and stillness. My mind became silent, and I reveled in the peace and ease of simply Being.
I felt capable, strong, and expansive like the oak, while my Being was still, grounded, and steady, knowing that I already AM. There is nothing I need to do; but I can allow myself to expand and grow.
After several minutes of peace atop the boulder, I stood up, touching the high branch that reached across my perch. I thanked the tree, all the trees, and thanked the boulder. With confidence that I can, I ambled down the backside of the rock, over the smaller stones and into the crisp but giving groundcover of oak leaves.
As I walked back to the house where the retreat was held, I knew nothing had changed in the outer circumstances. But within me, I experienced a shift. I had returned to my Be-ing, my Divine Self within. The gifts from the oak tree and the boulder continued to reverberate through my mind and expand in a sense of solidness and strength through my body: I Can, and I Am.
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by Connie Habash | Aug 19, 2021 | Anxiety, Compassion, Even-mindedness
It seems that the world around us is filled with problems and suffering sometimes – fires, floods, earthquakes, war torn countries, climate change – not to mention the pandemic. As naturally empathic and caring people, we may feel the pain of the world in our own heart and body. This can cause overwhelm and anxiety, and it’s not a particularly healthy or helpful response. Here’s what you can do to remain compassionate and also feel sane. [ excerpted from Chapter 7, “Feeling the Pain of the World” in my book, Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life]
As spiritual folks, we deeply care about others, whether human or in the natural world. Empathy comes naturally to us – that ability to understand and even feel the emotions of others. We hear of the suffering of people in Afghanistan or Haiti, dolphin, rhino, and gorilla populations dwindling, rainforest devastation, massive wildfires, earthquakes in the Pacific rim, and the war-torn Middle East, and it touches us so deeply that we may fall apart. Just reading those words was probably more than enough to evoke a worried look on your face and the anxiety to build.
But feeling the pain of the world doesn’t serve anyone. While it is important to have compassion and empathy, it’s also important to keep ourselves protected from emotional overload and compassion fatigue, which can be debilitating. If we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by the suffering of others, we won’t be able to assist them or effectively serve our purpose in the world, and it can hinder our own spiritual awakening.
The Challenge of Being Empaths
For those of us who are empaths – people who naturally pick up on the emotions of others – the unconscious tendency is to run the pain of the world through our own nervous system. We might even believe that it is the “more spiritual” thing to do: to deeply understand and connect with others in pain. We believe we can handle it, but then wonder why we feel fried and freaked out.
There’s a difference, however, between feeling compassion for the suffering of others and confusing it with creating our own suffering. If we wear ourselves down, even make ourselves ill by taking on the collective pain, is that really spiritual? Are we truly helping anyone? Is it bringing us more inner peace —or increasing our anxiety? This is unhealthy empathy. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence asserts in an article in The Washington Post that “those who regularly prioritize others’ emotions over their own are more susceptible to experiencing anxiety or low-level depression.”
Let’s not confuse service to others and the planet with absorbing all the negative energy around us in an effort to care, understand, or help out. All that does is increase our feeling of overwhelm and despair. Let’s also be mindful not to confuse the emotions of others with our own. That’s another aspect of unhealthy empathy; inability to discern our emotions from others’. When we take on the pain of the world, we may be unconsciously processing emotions that don’t belong to us through our own physical and energetic bodies. This creates psychological confusion, causes us unnecessary suffering, and even creates physical problems, like illness, burnout, or chronic fatigue.
A Different Response – Compassion
A different response than empathy is compassion. Compassion allows us to recognize someone else’s pain, attempt to understand it, and express our caring in some helpful way. It doesn’t mean to put ourselves through exactly what that person or animal is feeling. As a spiritual practice, compassion should empower us to take helpful action to alleviate the pain—and for that, we need to feel strong, centered, and calm within.
When we take on the pain of others, we’re reacting rather than responding. We are feeling the emotions as if they are our own, allowing them to trigger our own issues in addition to the suffering we see around us. This is reactivity, not higher consciousness.
In order to respond, rather than react, we need to be aware of what happens in us when we’re exposed to an upsetting situation. We have a number of thoughts that might arise, like “How terrible! Something must be done! I can’t stand this. I have to do something now. It will be horrible if it isn’t stopped. I don’t know what to do – it’s hopeless.” Naturally, this brings on fear.
The compassion we feel transforms into fear of what is happening, which triggers our anxiety and the fight/flight/freeze/faint response within us. It can incapacitate us (freeze or faint), cause us to withdraw (flight), or create an overreaction that may attack the problem in an unhelpful way (fight). Now, this becomes our issue of fear, rather than focusing on what is helpful to the situation.
Notice if you have an anxiety reaction to someone’s pain, whether a close friend or an animal you saw on a YouTube video. Ask yourself if your reaction is helpful to the situation. What would be the most helpful response, if you weren’t triggered into anxiety?
Karuna and Upeksha
Karuna, the practice of compassion in yogic philosophy, is said to maintain serenity of mind when faced with others who suffer. But you won’t be able to access that serenity if you use compassion to create fear, worry, and overwhelm in yourself.
Additionally, compassion shouldn’t disempower the one who suffers, or you. See the situation as one that can be healed or transformed. Trust that your response matters, even if it doesn’t “fix” it completely. Let whatever you can offer be enough. And don’t create more suffering in the world by taking it all on, energetically and emotionally, and then feeling like you will fall apart. That doesn’t help anyone.
The practice of Upeksha, even-mindedness (which we explored in Chapter 4), can assist in being compassionate from a more centered, calm, and courageous place. When we see suffering, especially a global situation like human trafficking, for example, there is also a judgment. This is wrong, the people who perpetuate this are horrible, etc. We may even be right about that. But if we buy into those thoughts, it can take us into an anxiety-reaction, and we may become less effective in creating the change in order to “right those wrongs” and end the painful cycle. We do not need anxiety as the motivator and juice to impel us to take right action.
Try to notice the situation from the even-minded clarity of upeksha. It’s true, this is causing harm to others, and I want to make a difference. I feel called to some sort of action. From a deeply caring place within us, we see what can be done without attacking those we see as perpetrators. Upeksha helps us to shift out of attacking those who have done the harm to healing and empowering those who are suffering. We can find our own empowerment within as well, by not allowing this situation to perpetuate more suffering by amplifying it within ourselves.
Explore your thoughts, beliefs, and reactions to the pain of the world on a deeper level. You don’t need to fall into the unhealthy empathy trap and take it on as your own. Shift out of anxiety and into a healthier approach. Take the empowering step to respond with compassionate care and understanding, practice even-mindedness to keep yourself even-keel, and then discern the most healing, helpful action you can take.
And remember to be compassionate towards yourself, too.
Want help with releasing unhealthy empathy, releasing anxiety, and feeling calm again? Check out Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life!
by Connie Habash | Aug 13, 2021 | anger, Anxiety, Stress
I’m writing this post during the summer, and it’s pretty toasty outside. A lot of us are feeling hot under the collar. But the heat I’m talking about in this post is when we become triggered in some way and feel angry, irritable, agitated, or even afraid. Knowing what works and having a plan to get yourself back to your center and a feeling of ease is paramount, especially in our current pandemic when almost everyone is being triggered by almost everything.
You may have noticed that topics related to the pandemic and how people are responding to it are particularly touchy subjects right now. It’s become politicized, there’s tons of conflicting information, and everyone is reacting out of fear.
That fear gets translated into anger when we feel caged in – that others are affecting our feeling of safety. Anger arises to spur us into action. Unfortunately, most of what comes up is reaction, rather than empowering and healthy action.
We can use this sensitive situation we find ourselves in, however, to work on helpful ways to deal with our triggers, especially anger, and appropriate ways to set boundaries for ourselves. This is an opportunity to move to the next level of our growth.
Recognizing the Physical Sensations
The first step is to recognize when you’re triggered, and in this case, I’m specifically talking about anger triggers. That’s the hot under the collar sensation. Even when we’re feeling fear and anxiety, it can sometimes spark anger within us. Our physical body may be the first sign that we’re getting really mad and it could lead to a volcanic explosion.
Even if it doesn’t get that bad, just one hurtful word from being triggered into anger can cause a lot of damage to a relationship, so it’s worth it to be aware. What are the physical signs that you’re triggered into anger? Here are some common ones:
- A build-up of heat in the body
- Clenching the teeth (jaw tension) or fists
- Overall tension, and especially in the neck, forehead, between the eyes (frowning), shoulders, upper back, and stomach
- Acid indigestion, reflux, and other burning sensations in the digestive tract
- Increased heart rate
- A fight or flight response
List your own physical sensations when you start to get mad. Sure, you may be having angry thoughts, but sometimes fear arises first and then sets off the anger through more noticeable bodily reactions. Knowing your typical physical sensations when you’re starting to become angry can give you enough warning to intervene and care for yourself. They are the warning clarion that you need to respond rather than react. Your responses should include recognizing what you need to feel safe and creating safety for yourself with boundaries.
The First Step for Safety: Space
In order to feel safe, we first need to create space. When our space feels violated, taken over, or reduced, the fight or flight reaction arises and anger kicks in to help protect us.
Back to our heat analogy, one of the laws of thermodynamics is that compression increases temperature. And compression is “to reduce in size, quantity, or volume as if by squeezing.” In other words, when you feel that you have less space and no way out, that you’re being squeezed in some way, like your freedom or safety taken away, heat will be created. Psychologically, that heat is often anger, agitation, and fear. As you know, there’s a lot of heat building up within us and around us in the world currently!
So give yourself some more space from the person or situation when you are feeling that inner heat being triggered. Step away for a few minutes or days. You may need to take a social media break, get off a phone call, or literally walk to another room.
Expression
When you have space, then feel your feelings, cool off, and listen to those feelings for wisdom. It’s important to give yourself ways to express the anger that won’t hurt others: dance it, pound a pillow, scribble with crayons (I love the fact that I can press hard with a crayon), rip up a newsletter.
And definitely either journal or speak out loud (not at someone!) how you feel – even shout if you can find a private, comfortable space to do so. This will help release some of the pent up energy of the anger so that you aren’t carrying it around like a pressure cooker. When the energy is released, we often receive clarity, wisdom, and insight. Follow that up with empowered action to create positive change. These steps are explained in detail in my book, Awakening from Anxiety.
Another Step for Safety: Boundaries
That brings us next to the topic of boundaries – an important empowered action. A boundary is a line, physical or conceptual, that indicates a limit. Funny that we just talked about how feeling more limited or compressed will increase anger, triggered by fear of losing our safety or freedom. So limits themselves aren’t the issue: it’s when our personal limit is crossed, encroaching on our safety zone, that it becomes problematic. It empowers us to be able to determine our own limits with others and the impact from the world around us.
The pandemic has revealed to us all the ways in which we have allowed our boundaries to be crossed through people-pleasing. Before COVID, we may have let someone hug us that we really didn’t want to and said yes to things that we weren’t comfortable with, usually in order to please others. Now, we may have a clear reason to say no to something and we’re forced to look at how that people-pleasing behavior doesn’t serve us.
Consider what boundaries you want to establish in your life, with whom, and what will be the consequence if they are crossed. My husband and I set a boundary with our teen daughter the other day; we don’t want any more snappy, disrespectful tirades when she’s angry. She can talk about her anger, but not attack. So far, she’s doing really well with it – partially due to my firm stance the moment she is sneaking up on that edge (and I pray for strength to keep holding it!).
Refocus on the Present Moment
After you have acknowledged, felt, and expressed (appropriately!) your anger, listened to it’s messages of wisdom and guidance, and then taken whatever action you can to create more safety (such as setting a boundary), return to the present moment. Feel your body, right here, right now. Focus on the breath; inhaling, exhaling. Take in what is around you with your eyes, ears, fingers. Let go of the story in your mind about the situation, because it’s probably not happening right here, right now.
Presence is my number one centering practice, especially after I’ve been upset. The trees, my pencil, the water flowing through the faucet are always still right here, and don’t have an agenda. The mind can become more calm and quiet as I immerse in my breath, my sensations, and simple things in the environment. Especially when present in nature, I feel my inner calm return to this moment.
Don’t worry about whether you’ll get triggered again. You will at some point. But now you have a plan for how to deal with it. So stay in the present moment as much as possible and enjoy the ease of right now. Trust that, if you do get triggered, you have what you need within to return to calm and centered
Awakening from Anxiety isn’t just about anxiety – it’s about dealing with any emotion. Order your copy here!
by Connie Habash | Feb 27, 2021 | Anxiety, Being, Depression, Doing, Presence, Thoughts
Many of us – especially through the pandemic – struggle with upsetting emotions and don’t know what to do about it. Normally, we might reach out to a friend or spend time with a family member to feel supported. But even before we were bound to our homes or kept physically-distanced, we may have been too busy to connect with them. Our devices have taken over for much of the time we would be spending face to face with people we care about. This may leave us feeling disconnected from the world, depressed, and anxious.
There are many ways, however, that we can release these feelings, shift our mindset, and increase our sense of happiness and satisfaction with life, even while sheltered in place. The most powerful that I have found – and the simplest – is practicing Presence.
Believing Our Thoughts
Recently, I was working with a client who was struggling with anxiety. She had a fear about what other people might think of her. It’s a very common experience that you might be able to relate to. She was also feeling very alone, and as a result, a bit down.
What she discovered as we journeyed through the session was that she spent a lot of time imagining the worst, thinking about all the awful things that other people might judge about her, all her shortcomings, etc. Yet when she reality-checked those thoughts – were they true? Did she know that those people were thinking about her at all? She recognized that they had no basis in reality. But when she repeated those thoughts over and over, and believed them, she spiraled down into worry and sadness.
Shifting from Thoughts to the Here and Now
Introducing the practice of presence created a palpable change for her. Over several minutes, shifting her attention from the thoughts to the physical sensations of her emotions, she discovered that the emotions would release. She was left with a feeling of greater ease and relaxation. It wasn’t from trying to get rid of the thoughts; it was from shifting her attention to the here and now, palpable experience through her senses.
We’ve heard of mindfulness practices; presence is similar. By becoming present, we stop for a moment, notice what is happening, and let go of the need to think. Thinking keeps us in the world of thought, spun by the mind. Thoughts pull us out of presence – and often into mindsets that create agitation and upset.
Thinking vs. Being
So in practicing presence, we do our best (albeit imperfectly) to let go of thinking and reorient ourselves to what is happening right here in the moment. We fully give ourselves to whatever we see, hear, feel, touch, or taste, and allow it to touch us. Presence helps shift us out of constant doing and thinking into Being, which is our true nature.
When we’re fully present with our breath, the sound of the leaves blowing in the wind, the taste of morning coffee, or our steps on the pavement as we walk to our car, we receive a break from the demands of life and spaciousness opens within us. In that calm quietness that comes from letting go of thoughts and focusing on the present, we can feel a deeper connection to ourselves, the world around us, and the Divine.
Presence is a Practice
This practice of presence is so very simple in concept, and yet simple doesn’t mean easy! When we practice mindfulness in the moment, one of the first things we notice is everything that gets in the way of being present. Over and over, the mind gets triggered into thoughts that lead to emotions, and those can trigger many more thoughts that take us far away from being right here, right now. It’s an ingrained tendency to get caught up in thought.
So it’s important to be patient with yourself when learning to practice presence. It takes some time and effort to change those tendencies. And it’s a practice – we aren’t expected to do it perfectly.
Give It a Try
It is much easier to learn presence from someone who has walked the territory. But you can still practice on your own. When you notice thoughts arising, shift your attention back to your senses; what is happening here right now? What do you feel in your body? What do you notice around you? If a strong emotion arises, give yourself permission to feel it in the body, but try your best to let go of thoughts and stories about the emotion. Experience it as it is – a sensation moving through you, like a wave.
This is a simple and short introduction to presence… and I will share more about presence with you in coming posts from my book, Awakening from Anxiety. Stay tuned! Meanwhile, give presence a try. Share here any questions, and what challenges you have from “thinking”. Together, we can shift out of the mental agitation into more joyful, peaceful, fulfilled lives.
by Connie Habash | Jun 6, 2019 | Anxiety, Awareness, Challenges, Consciousness, Depression, Listening
A bit of Marie Kondo-style decluttering – in my home, and in my soul – was what I needed to shift out of a bad mood and back into enthusiasm and joy. Here’s how I did it.
Today, I woke up in an unmotivated, depressed, dour funk. A complete surprise.
I dragged myself to the gym, hoping the workout would be enough to shift me out of the doldrums. On the treadmill, I pondered why I felt down. After all, I thoroughly enjoyed teaching my meditation and mindfulness workshop over the weekend (shout out to all of you enthusiastic folks at SRVUMC!), I spent time outside in sit spot, one of my favorite nature-connection practices, and I’m feeling more settled in to my new office. What was up?
Listening to My Feelings
Part of it was the long list of to-dos for my book launch… but that was also exciting to me, so I knew it wasn’t the whole story behind my sluggishness and lack of enthusiasm. It was time to pull out one of my time-tested practices that comprises the 5th key in my book, Awakening from Anxiety: listening to my anxiety!
I wasn’t exactly feeling anxiety, but this technique works for any emotion, so I spent some time listening to my inner Self speak through the depressed, lethargic feeling and energy in my body. And it was a clear message – decluttering is in order!
How many of you have been hearing about Marie Kondo a lot lately? I know a number of my clients and students have been talking about her show on Netflix, “Tidying Up”. Although I haven’t actually watched a full episode, I’m definitely familiar with the power of decluttering from Feng Shui. I have applied some of the concepts I’ve learned from Denise Linn to clear space in the home in order to open up and increase energy and well-being.
Clear De-cluttering Directions!
My inner Self gave me clear direction – fold the laundry, give away an old chair, and move the long table to the upstairs hallway. After having to vacate my office of 7 years and shift to subletting from other therapists, all my furniture from my old office ended up dumped in our home yoga space… and now there wasn’t any space!
As soon as I got home, I got to work, implementing the directives. Fold laundry (and put away) – check. Move the furniture and give things away – in progress. Immediately, I started to feel better! And I had the energy to work on this newsletter.
But that wasn’t the only thing I needed to declutter. The stuff, the material things, was just on the outside. I needed to listen further to the apathy and depression, and allow it to help me on a deeper level. Yes, “negative” emotions can actually help us. From my chapter on “Listening to Your Anxiety”:
“Anxiety has a message for you, if you take the time to listen and receive it. It actually wants to be your helper, letting you know what needs tending to in your life. In fact, renaming anxiety as your helper or protector is a lot less negative and can change your perspective on your fears. It certainly is more pleasant to think of listening to your helper than listening to your anxiety, isn’t it?”
The Thoughts Under the Apathy Within
My helper, it turns out, had a lot to say! I listened to my apathy within. It let me know that I had allowed myself to accumulate some unhelpful thoughts in my consciousnesss: there were a number of things in my heart and soul that needed decluttering. Thoughts I’ve held onto that were putting me in the doldrums. Here are some of the perceptions and ideas that revealed themselves for clearing out:
- I have to do this (a sure winner – guaranteed to make you NOT want to do something)
- There’s too much (usually shuts me down and stops me from taking action)
- No one cares (ditto)
- I don’t know where to start (which is just a cover for “I don’t really want to start”, because honestly I could start anywhere)
- Nothing interests me (which is a cover for “I’d rather be doing something else”)
Well, that was quite a good start. Because once I became clear about the thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions within me that are causing my suffering, then I could actually do something about it. These weren’t news to me – I’d encountered them before – but my inner Self helped me with shifting out of them readily.
First of all, by reminding myself that I really don’t have to do anything, except breathe. And actually, breathing sounded rather nice at the moment. So I stopped to breathe and feel my body, emotions, and surroundings.
One Thing at a Time
There was still quite a mess in my surroundings. So my inner Self reminded me that the practice is always one thing at a time. We all know this. We probably taught our kids this. But my habit is often to see everything that I have to do all at once, and that sure is overwhelming.
So I look at one sheet that needs to be folded, and do that. Very doable. Each one at a time action is easy. And kind of fun, when I’m fully present, immersed in the moment and the simple pleasures of doing what is in front of me.
This one at a time, fully present approach dealt with most of those thoughts right off the bat. I could choose what one thing I wanted to do next. No have-tos. When I saw too much, I just came back to one thing. It was lovely to notice that I actually had more interest in what I was doing by being fully present with my breath and the mindful movement of bringing the ends of the sheet together, fold, flip, repeat.
After several one-at-a-time things, there was less clutter, and the overwhelm softened. My energy increased.
Dealing with the Last Remaining Issue
But one last thought loomed – “no one cares.” Here’s where a little sneaky Byron Katie technique came in, called The Work. The Work is a transformative process of 4 questions and a “turn-around” that has also impacted my life. I decided this one thought, “no one cares,” would benefit from the process.
Is it true? Well, no. Of course I could think of people that cared, so that nailed the first two questions (Is it True? Can you be completely certain that it’s true?). I was seeing clearly the 3rd question, how it was impacting me and my life when I believed it, because it was bringing my energy down and depressing me. And it was also obvious to me that if I didn’t have that thought (question 4), I’d be out there, doing what I love to do and helping people release their stress, anxiety, and spiritually awaken.
The Turnaround
I knew that the turnaround, that last process in The Work, would shift me into a new trajectory. If “no one cares” isn’t true, what might be? One truth might be that people do care. There are people in my life that care about me, and there are also people that care about getting unstuck from anxiety or depression that would really like my assistance. There are people who find that what I have to offer makes a difference. It helped some to remember this.
But that wasn’t really the biggest turnaround.
The biggest one was “I don’t care.” Wow, that’s not pleasant to look at. What don’t I care about? As I looked at the messy state of our house, the pile of stuff on my desk, the list of things I was avoiding, and my exhaustion from sleep deprivation, it was pretty clear. I didn’t care about me. My heart and soul felt down because everything else received my energy and attention except me. I wasn’t caring for myself sufficiently, let alone my home. I was running around doing all the things I thought I “should, have-to, am supposed-to” do and neglecting myself.
Yeesh.
But what a great realization; I needed to care more for and about me. It’s so ridiculously obvious, but hey, we all backslide from time to time. We all forget to do the things that nurture us. Myself included.
Our Emotions are Our Helpers
That’s why we have emotions like anxiety, anger, and depression – they are our helpers, trying to get our attention. They’re here to remind us of what really matters. Sometimes, those emotions are nudging (or slapping!) us into a brand new insight. But often, it’s bringing to our awareness things that we “know,” but forget or don’t bother to do. As long as we listen to what we’re feeling and do our best to discern its message, we can get back on track.
I don’t need deep revelations every time I check in with my inner Self. Sometimes, it’s just a simple reminder to return to what I need, or about what I truly value. My home, my life, and my soul needed some decluttering, and that was all it took to shift my mood.
What decluttering is your soul calling for?
by Connie Habash | Apr 9, 2019 | Anxiety, Compassion, Law of Attraction, Reality, Worry
In my forthcoming book, Awakening from Anxiety, I have a section on the 6 mistakes spiritual people make that increase their anxiety – and what to do about it. Here’s an article on one of the most common ones.
Many of us have heard of the Law of Attraction. It’s a spiritual concept that has become popular since the movie, “The Secret,” in the early 2000’s, but isn’t new. It’s actually ancient wisdom that we have rediscovered in a powerful way.
The Law of Attraction is based on physics – that like attracts like. Translated into our psycho-spiritual usage, we tend to attract in life what matches our thoughts. This is where the idea of “you create your reality” comes from. According to Law of Attraction, if you picture it, think it, believe it, it tends to manifest in your life.
Oh No! All Those Scary Thoughts!
I work with a lot of clients and students who struggle with stress, worry, and anxiety. The Law of Attraction, when misunderstood, tends to send them through the roof. They become even more anxious. I call this the Law of Anxiety.
They’re worrying about worrying. They’re afraid that every single fearful thought they have when they feel overwhelmed or stressed out is going to make things worse. They scrutinize themselves, and every time they notice they’re anxious, they freak out. “Oh no – you mean that all my worried, anxious, fearful thoughts are creating my reality? I’m messing everything up! I’m creating all kinds of worrisome things. My life is screwed!” The Law of Anxiety is: if you’re anxious, you’ll tend to become more anxious about having anxiety. Have you ever done that? You’re certainly not alone!
A Reality Check
You don’t need to get stressed out about having stressed-out thoughts. Let’s take a closer look at “you create your reality.”
The word reality is actually representing two things, if we break it down. One is the lower case “r” reality – the one that you’re “creating” with Law of Attraction. Yes, when you get worried and stressed out, you’re likely to experience more tension in your body, a faster heartrate, an anxious look on your face, which might affect how others respond to you. That’s true – and you have the power to change that.
Then, there is the capital “R” Reality – the Divine Reality. The substratum of everything in existence. This is unchanging, infinite Reality. It is Divine Love, the Source of everything that is. It is our consciousness within that witnesses our thoughts, emotions, sensations, and experiences, but isn’t any of them. Reality with the capital R is the Divine itself. It is that out of which everything is created. We don’t change this Reality with our thoughts.
The truth is that you don’t really create the reality “out there” – you can’t change the weather just by wanting it to be sunny all the time (and that could have detrimental consequences to the planet!). You create your experience of reality by how you respond to it, and by how you respond to your own thoughts. When you’re fearful, you’ll see an unsafe world. When you’re calm and at ease, you’ll experience safety. You have the power to choose once you become aware of your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
Trust the Big Reality
Whenever you catch yourself having anxious thoughts – and then worrying about what those thoughts are creating – you can relax. Just because those thoughts came up doesn’t mean everything is going to be awful. The fact that you’re aware of them is a great sign, and gives you an opportunity to choose.
You can choose to believe in your thoughts – which are only fluctuations of energy and information, and not Reality – or you can choose to shift your focus to trusting in something bigger than you. Capital R Reality – the Divine.
Whatever you believe in – whether it is Nature or the Universe, God or Goddess, Truth or Love – you can pause and connect to that. There’s always a higher principle, something bigger than we are, that can carry us through. Nature always seems to know how to emerge from winter into spring. When we let go and allow that infinite potential to hold us for a bit, we realize that there’s a much greater force caring for you and I in this moment, and we don’t need to stress out so much about things. Most of the time, life works out.
Loving Your Worries
Of course, we know it isn’t that easy to let go of anxiety. That’s just one step. But when you become aware of those fearful thoughts, an opportunity is revealing itself to you. To create your reality anew, rather than creating things to worry about, you can stop and embrace yourself with love and compassion.
Fear and anxiety are signs that you need loving, kind, compassionate self-care, right now. You need a sense of safety and security. The best place to feel that security is right here, in this moment.
As a fearful thought arises, imagine the scared part of you within from which that thought arose. Thank that part of you for letting you know what you need. Worried about bills? Anxious about the future? Thank your scared part and give it some love. Embrace it in your imagination like you would a frightened child. It needs you to pay attention and be here with yourself.
Come right into this present moment, where you are sitting right now, and recognize that those worries are focused on a possible future moment that isn’t right here. In this moment, you’re probably OK if you are reading this blog. Look around at what is actually here, and listen to the sounds. Observe through your senses. Although everything may not be perfect, it’s probably OK. The more you can bring yourself into the safety and calm of this present moment, the less you’ll be stressed, and the more likely you’ll be effective at dealing with whatever needs to be addressed.
As you become more compassionate and present within yourself, you create a more calm, centered experience of reality, from within yourself.
Want to receive another helpful practice to calm your stress and anxiety? Take this free anxiety assessment!
And listen to my recent guest spot on this topic with Dr. Teralyn Sell’s podcast, Kick Up Your Damn Heels!
by Connie Habash | Feb 28, 2019 | anger, Anxiety, Challenges, Depression, Empowerment, Grief, Release, relief
Let’s face it – we all go through difficult times. Everyone experiences some pain, whether physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional, at some point in their life.
During those challenging times, our tendency is to grasp for relief. Just like when we get a headache or our back is in pain, we reach for the ibuprofen to alleviate the discomfort. We want it to go away, quickly.
I’m grateful for the Tylenol during those times when I needed pain relief, fast. But we know what can happen when the medicine wears off. There’s always a chance that it will come back. Then, we’re faced with the same choice again – reach for the relief.
The Problem with the Relief Approach
There’s a limitation, a bit of a problem with this approach, especially when it comes to emotional pain. Painkillers don’t deal with the cause of the problem. They are just symptom relief. That relief is appreciated, but it’s not changing the source of the problem.
Immediate pain relief with emotions doesn’t work as cleanly as it does with ibuprofen. Unfortunately, some people turn towards drugs, alcohol, food, spending, or gambling to alleviate the pain. As with the ibuprofen, it may work for a while. But it always wears off, and then we’re faced with the depression, anxiety, anger, worry, or grief again.
If each of us knew there was a choice – if we knew there was a more effective way out that had lasting power – we wouldn’t be seeking relief so much. We’d be looking for release.
Release is Empowering
Relief is quick, but temporary. It depends on something outside of us – a medication, an addiction, or a quick feel-good action to distract us. Release takes longer. Sometimes quite a bit longer. It requires us to work at it and develop the skills and tools necessary to let go. But it’s within our power. We’re the ones learning to release. We’re the ones in charge and capable of letting go of the hurt, anger, and stress.
The best thing about the choice to release is that it’s sustainable and renewable. Release is a skill you can develop. As you practice it, over time you get better at it. When life becomes painful again, you know exactly what to do – you already have the skill to know how to release, if you’re willing to keep practicing and working at it. That’s empowering.
Release comes from within you, not outside of you. If you’re clenching a stone in your fist, only you can gently open your hand and release it. If someone has to pry it out of your hand, that’s not called release. That’s force and force isn’t always healing.
Relief works at the surface. It numbs the nerves so you don’t feel what’s going on. Sometimes, it provides a brief and needed respite. But it doesn’t seek the roots. Release practices, which aim at transformation at the ground level, seek the source of the situation. They help you to reconfigure the foundation from which that pain arose so that those emotions don’t consume you like they used to. They won’t be totally numbed out: what’s different is that you’ll be bigger than those emotions; you’ll see clearly where they arise from, and you’re empowered to move through them consciously into a more expansive sense of yourself.
A Bit of Relief, a Lot of Release
I see my work as a therapist as a little bit of relief, and a lot of release. Of course, we want to alleviate the pain. Nevertheless, I want my clients to leave sessions feeling more capable and empowered, to have practices and a new perspective that shifts them out of the old, painful patterns. Into more joyful, calm, and fulfilled ways of living.
As a yoga teacher, the approach is the same. We can bring more ease to the body through an hour yoga practice. But the real transformation comes from shifting our mental state to release physical and mental habits that create tension, and invoking meditative and mindful practices that bring about inner peace.
It’s OK if you want some relief. We all do. But don’t stop there. Rather than finding yourself back at square one again when the relief wears off, use that time of relief to create lasting, empowering change. Find someone to assist you in releasing the patterns that keep you stuck and suffering, so that you become the source of your own relief, and greater, transformative release.
Want to get started? I wrote my book, Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life, to give you some of those tools to release worry, stress, overwhelm, and fear, and find your inner place of calm. Or Contact Me about upcoming online programs designed to bring deep healing and release.
Deciding whether to venture onto an unfamiliar trail was difficult and brought up fear – but choosing, rather than deciding, got me through to the river. 
on its back! A rattler! But in a split second I noticed it was rooted in the ground, with another one next to it. Just some sort of metal infrastructure for the trail, but it combined with my fear to cause my survival instinct to kick in. 
It’s 
I know it’s crude – but it’s true. Just like we need to poop out what we eat, we also need to poop out our emotions. Here’s the why and how.
At a point of internal crisis in myself with my fears and worries, two friends from nature – an oak tree and a boulder – grounded me and brought me back to my Divine Self.
It seems that the world around us is filled with problems and suffering sometimes – fires, floods, earthquakes, war torn countries, climate change – not to mention the pandemic. As naturally empathic and caring people, we may feel the pain of the world in our own heart and body. This can cause overwhelm and anxiety, and it’s not a particularly healthy or helpful response. Here’s what you can do to remain compassionate and also feel sane. [ excerpted from Chapter 7, “Feeling the Pain of the World” in my book, 
I’m writing this post during the summer, and it’s pretty toasty outside. A lot of us are feeling hot under the collar. But the heat I’m talking about in this post is when we become triggered in some way and feel angry, irritable, agitated, or even afraid. Knowing what works and having a plan to get yourself back to your center and a feeling of ease is paramount, especially in our current pandemic when almost everyone is being triggered by almost everything.
Many of us – especially through the pandemic – struggle with upsetting emotions and don’t know what to do about it. Normally, we might reach out to a friend or spend time with a family member to feel supported. But even before we were bound to our homes or kept physically-distanced, we may have been too busy to connect with them. Our devices have taken over for much of the time we would be spending face to face with people we care about. This may leave us feeling disconnected from the world, depressed, and 
A bit of Marie Kondo-style decluttering – in my home, and in my soul – was what I needed to shift out of a bad mood and back into enthusiasm and joy. Here’s how I did it.
In my forthcoming book, 
Loving Your Worries
Let’s face it – we all go through difficult times. Everyone experiences some pain, whether physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional, at some point in their life.
