by Connie Habash | Aug 25, 2021 | Acceptance, Acknowledgement, Appreciation, Happiness
Recently, I had an inspiring, energizing, and engaging reading with Eliyahu Jian – an author, rabbi, and life & spiritual coach. It was a delightful experience, because he saw parts of myself that few others have. I laughed, cried, was a bit surprised, and uplifted.
It’s the magic of Being Seen – when someone connects with your essence and reflects it to you in a way that you feel truly honored, recognized, and appreciated.
Naturally, we want others to see us in this deep and nurturing way. But most importantly, we need to be Seen by our own selves.
Good Enough
Much of the time, we aren’t seeing ourselves accurately or in a helpful way. We are self-critical. We orient towards our flaws and what we lack, and we compare ourselves to others. This is an unhealthy habit of attention and is the root cause of anxiety and depression. Yes, it is a habit of attention – and habits can change. We can learn to shift how we see ourselves.
We can learn to view ourselves as “good enough”. Which of course means that we aren’t perfect, yet we see the good in ourselves. When we feel seen, by others or ourselves, we experience that sense of value and worthiness, that “good-enoughness”. That is the doorway to truly seeing all of ourselves.
Self-Improvement vs. Growth and Expansion
Be mindful of the tendency to “improve” yourself. Although it sounds altruistic, the very implication of self-improvement is that we’re not good enough as we are. It overlooks all the gifts, talents, qualities, and blessings that we already possess within.
Sure, continue on the path of growth (I certainly am!), but reframe it as a path of continuous unfolding into more of who you truly are. You are expanding into a greater capacity to shine with those gifts.
Practice Seeing Your Divine Self
It’s important to have a practice of being seen for your Divine Self within, by yourself. What are the gifts, talents, qualities, and blessings you already possess within you? Are you generous, considerate, self-motivated, conscientious, deeply feeling, or organized? Think of words that describe your positive qualities and skills, and special things about your personality. Write them down. List at least 10 that you can refer back to – and add to – so that you are sure to see all of who you are, not just the things you want to change.
Don’t expect perfection – you’re not going to be these qualities or reveal these blessings that lie within you all the time. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. The sun is always shining behind the clouds or on the other side of the planet. There’s just some weather blowing through that has obscured your vision. You’re not the weather, you’re the sun.
The New Habit of Seeing Yourself
Develop a habit of seeing, acknowledging, appreciating, and loving your True Self. Your True Self is unlimited by personality and the “weather”. It is the highest expression of who you came here to be; your Divine Essence.
If you don’t make the effort to pay attention to it, you won’t see yourself accurately. But if you do develop this habit of attending to your True Self, you’ll feel happier, lighter, yet more centered and grounded. You will know who you truly are. You’ll enjoy yourself and life more, and have more to offer the world, because all those gifts are inside waiting to be seen by you!
by Connie Habash | Jun 27, 2021 | Gratitude, Happiness, Presence
There’s a way to shift ourselves out of a dour mood. From a pre-pandemic blog I originally wrote for Psych Central (when I actually had a physical counseling office!), here’s how I returned to feeling more alive and happy.
We’ve all had those days where we feel off, or maybe worse. Sometimes, we’re down, overwhelmed, or in a funk. Yesterday was one of those days for me.
It started off great – in fact, I had a huge response to something I shared on social media. But soon, the elation turned to overwhelm. Keeping up with the posts on FB completely drained me. My thoughts turned towards how unhappy I was about the choice of my new office space. I was annoyed with my husband and daughter, and I didn’t feel good about having spent much of the day on the computer responding to posts rather than being present. Everything I looked at seemed to have the appearance of unpleasant and yucky.
But today, I woke up with a realization that I could shift that – and I did.
First of all, I noticed that I was telling stories about my experience, and they weren’t pleasant stories. I focused on all the things that were “wrong” or uncomfortable. I reminisced about what was missing. And you can be pretty certain that when thoughts center around what is wrong and what is missing, you’re gonna feel pretty crappy.
I knew that I needed to shift the story and turn it towards one thing that I know elevates mood: gratitude and appreciation. It’s not just me that finds this practice helpful – Positive Psychology, a branch of psychology that focuses on strengths and meaningfulness, has studied the effects of gratitude and found that it significantly alleviates depression.
New Appreciation
Going into my counseling office this morning, I found things to appreciate along the way. Instead of looking at the industrial buildings, I noticed all the trees lining the street. The sun was out, after several days of rain. A gray-haired Caucasian woman stopped to pick up a small piece of trash on the street. There was so much to appreciate, so much good and beauty around me. I felt my heart expand.
Driving into the parking lot, I felt grateful that I’m just a few minutes from my home, and the office complex has lovely flowers planted not far from my door. As I entered the suite, I loved that I could fix myself a cup of tea, and that my room had beautiful photos of trees – a special affinity for me.
The Turnaround
Gratitude makes a huge difference. In just one day, I turned around from feeling doubtful and discouraged about the new counseling space to feeling more content and settled in. It’s only my third week subletting this space – naturally I needed some time to adjust. Because my mood was better and I was in a space of appreciation, I felt comfortable talking to one of my suite-mates about something I didn’t like, and we discovered a solution that worked for both of us.
The practice of gratitude shifted me into the present moment. Being fully aware and attentive in the here and now – and hence, letting go of stories – was the next step. It was great to change the stories in my head to more positive ones. But even more freeing was the ability to let those thoughts go altogether and be simply present.
Presence Creates Connection
On a two hour break between clients, I took my first walk through town from the office. A young Asian woman was taking a picture of something off to the right. I noticed that above the buildings the sky was a brilliant blue, and billowy white clouds floated above the concrete. I let her know that I noticed, too, and we both smiled. It was a moment of lovely connection, being present together with the magic of nature, even as it hovered over the concrete of the city.
My walk was somewhat ecstatic, noticing things I haven’t before when driving by in a hurry. My mind quieted; I felt present, joyful, and very much alive. As I returned to the office, I was very content to be exactly where I was, in this room, in this moment. I felt connected to myself, to my space, and to life.
The Power of Two Practices
This day was a wonderful lesson in the power of two practices that make a huge difference in my life: Gratitude and Presence. They consistently shift me out of bad moods – and out of negative thinking – into a more joyful, enlivening, fulfilling experience of life. The landscape, the office, the streets didn’t change; I did, and it changed my perception of everything.
You have this power, too, to change how you feel. In this very moment, now, you can feel more alive and happy. Look around at what you have, rather than what you don’t. Notice what’s available, right outside your door. You can feel grateful to have a door, to have clothes, to feel the gentle breeze in your hair, or the fact that you have a place to work or to safely fall asleep.
Let gratitude bring you into this moment, right now. Feel your breath, your body, your aliveness. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be fulfilling. You don’t need a lot to be happy. All you truly need is to be fully present and appreciative of this moment, right now.
by Connie Habash | Mar 5, 2014 | Acceptance, Appreciation, Buddha, Centered, Comparison, Depression, Happiness, Mindfulness, Now, Presence
The mind likes to do a lot of comparing. Am I doing as well as that person over there? My yoga poses suck. I am the best in the class! Their car is nicer than mine. It would be easy to write pages of this, wouldn’t it? It’s all too familiar.
In my years as a counselor, it’s become apparent to me that comparison is the root of depression. We wish things were different than they are, and we tend to focus on what we don’t have, or what isn’t happening right now. This is a sure-fire way to ruin your mood, and it does nothing for creating what you really want.
The Buddha might say that by comparing, you are creating more suffering, for you create the desire to be a certain way or have certain things. Patanjali, the father of yogic philosophy, would point out that Raga – attachment – and Dvesha – aversion – are two of the five causes of affliction, the Kleshas. When we get into comparison, it’s just another disguise for how we cling to what we want and push away what we don’t.
How do we get off of the hamster wheel of comparison? Pull all your attention back to your center. Be where you are. Don’t resist what is – when you embrace it, and learn to be with it, it will begin to shift.
Part of why undesirable situations continue is that we continue to resist them, which gives them more power in our lives. When you bring your attention back within to the Self, that which watches all these mental games, we begin to see things from a different perspective. Then, with clear perspective, you can choose how you want to respond, rather than be in reaction to what is.
One great choice is the practice of gratitude. It is scientifically shown in studies that gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to relieve depression.
Comparison is the opposite of gratitude – it takes us away from recognition of the good that is, and either makes us feel lacking, or makes us believe that we’ve got something that someone else doesn’t. Either way, it takes us out of the deep appreciation that comes from receiving blessings in our life and seeing others receive, too. The deepest practice of gratitude is when we can feel deep appreciation and celebration for what others have.
Start with the little things – gratitude for the sunrise in the morning, for the gas in your tank, the next door neighbor who picks up your mail when you’re gone. Perhaps you can feel gratitude for your next breath… or just being able to get out of bed in the morning.
How about gratitude for your underwear? A little sense of humor can take you out of that comparing mind into simple appreciation in the present. Laughter happens in the here and now, and when we laugh, the mind can’t stay stuck in feeling better or worse – it just is being with what is.
We take ourselves so seriously, and when you step back and think about it, there’s a lot of humor happening there. Like, why do I get so serious when flossing my teeth? Or why do a few ants in the kitchen make me behave as if the world has come to an end? And why do I still unconsciously avoid cracks in the sidewalk like I did as a child? Isn’t that silly?
You can ask yourself the same questions when you find yourself comparing. Why does it matter whether I did that yoga pose better or worse the other day? You’re in this moment, not the past. Who else is judging except you?
Don’t despair if you find yourself in “comparing mind”. Let go, be with what is. Bring yourself back to your center, the place where you’re watching what is happening, and recognize that it transcends comparison. Feel gratitude and appreciation for everything you can. And find something to laugh about, because the universe is full of absurdity, including how seriously you compare yourself to others. Then you can let go of comparing – I am not better or worse than; I just AM.
by Connie Habash | Sep 3, 2013 | Appreciation, Beauty, Contentment, Happiness
photo courtesy of travelpoet.com
I’m not feeling all that well today – my stomach is upset, my neck hurts, and I feel kind of sluggish. But I realized that I can still feel happy.
Most of us tend to feel that if we don’t have things that we want, or situations don’t turn out the way we’d like, or if we’re not feeling how we want to feel, that we shouldn’t be happy. We believe that we can only be happy if we get what we want.
But is that really true?
There are many things I can be happy about today. The walk that my daughter, husband, and I took a through the neighborhood this morning was special, petting other people’s dogs and smelling roses along the way. I love the crows cawing in the front yard, and the gentle breeze. The house is more clean than dirty. Although I have a few loads of laundry yet to do, I’ve already done all the sheets.
You see, when I focus my attention on what I appreciate and what I DO have, rather than what I don’t have, I feel happy. It’s more of a feeling of contentment – yes, this moment is a good moment.
It doesn’t have to be a perfect moment for me to be happy. Or for you.
What do you appreciate right now in your life? What do you already have that is good?
Or, you can just be happy for no reason. No questions asked!
[Thank you to Kristie McLean for the amazing photograph! Check out more of her photography]
by Connie Habash | Jan 23, 2013 | Blessings, Happiness, Now, Receiving, Seeking, Serendipity
I’ve spent a lot of my life seeking, seeking, seeking. Looking for God everywhere, searching for my teacher or my spiritual path.
Today, I was looking for space to store my daughter’s Christmas ornaments, and opened up the hall closet. There’s just enough room to fit the box up high on the shelf above the coats. But wait – what’s that green tassel I see?
I pulled it out, and there was my favorite multi-colored fleece cap that matches my favorite multi-colored muffler. A few years ago, I despaired for quite some time about the loss of that hat, figuring someone stole it when I left it behind at a restaurant. What joy! Just finding that little cap brought such happiness.
I wasn’t even looking for it. But there it was – I had it all along. Finding is much easier and more fun than seeking.
What else might I find if I stop seeking? What if I spent each day knowing that I’m going to find, without seeking? What if there is something ready to find in every moment?
I’m ready to find out!
by Connie Habash | Jan 17, 2013 | Acknowledgement, Beauty, Blessings, Happiness
Today, January 17th, is the rebirth of my website, AwakeningSelf.com! After a lot of hard work, I have this gem to share with you. Thank you to my wonderful web designer, Mani Sheriar, for being so delightful to work with and for sharing her very special talents to create this place of beauty and inspiration. Also a special thank you to my very gifted photographer, Lisa DeNeffe, who did all my new portraits for the site. She really brings out everyone’s natural essence in her work.
I hope you enjoy all the content I’ve created here to give you a meaningful and uplifting experience as you explore Awakening Self. Share freely with others!
by Connie Habash | Dec 31, 2012 | Acceptance, Appreciation, Beauty, Blessings, Choices, Happiness, Possibilities, Potential
You or I would complain bitterly. Living in barren conditions, seldom any water. Frequently, large vehicles pass right overhead making thunderous noise, and trampling the living space so you can barely stretch up without being hit. Garbage is part of your living landscape.
But those orange poppies never once complain. In the midst of the MUNI train tracks, they grow where nothing else does. And instead of whimpering, screaming in despair, their bright orange blooms open to the sun and the wide sky. They give beauty right where they are: a celebration of life, amidst trash and grease.
They see their full potential and live it in the most stark and difficult of conditions. We have it so much better – what keeps us from becoming fully alive and giving of ourselves to the world? Why don’t we open up and see the beautiful possibilities where we are, just as the poppies do?
by Connie Habash | Oct 31, 2012 | Acceptance, Buddha, Choices, Happiness, Illusion, Judgment, Nonattachment, Now, Presence, Right Action
The funniest thought arose in my meditation today, after I had been contemplating the Eightfold Noble Path – Buddha’s prescription for eradicating suffering and attaining liberation. Apparently, my thoughts weren’t entirely still (big surprise) and thus this image of an ice cream cone being offered to the Buddha somehow sprang to my awareness. Would he eat it? What would the Buddha do?
I can’t claim to know what the Buddha would do, to be quite frank. But, based on his teachings, I can certainly take a stab at it. There’s one thing I do know – the Buddha would be aware that he has choices. He can choose to eat it, he can choose not to eat it. He would know that any desire or aversion that arose regarding the ice cream would be continuing the cycle of suffering in this life. He also knows that judgment would be a slippery slope – it feeds the ego, the idea that we are right if we choose one way, and wrong if we choose another. This would lead to either pride or shame, which again is back on the hamster wheel of suffering.
Therefore, he couldn’t say “No! It is wrong to eat ice cream – it’s bad for you, and will increase your desires, and therefore your suffering!” He also couldn’t simply indulge, giving in to a craving for the sweetness. He would probably be considering what Right Action to take – one of teachings of the Eightfold Path. What’s a Buddha to do?
He could decide not to eat it, plain and simple. He could decide not to eat it, but thank the person who offered it for their kindness in the offering. He could decide to taste it and experience the pleasantness of the flavor and texture as an expression of Maya, or the illusory state of the material world. He could decide to eat it, and recognize the temporary experience of the ice cream, from its taste on the tongue to how quickly it melts. He could eat it or not eat it, and recognize that the pleasure or pain he experienced from either choice is not his true nature, and that eating it or not eating it will not give him true happiness. Who really knows what the Buddha would do?
But one thing is for sure – whatever he chooses, he will forget about it in the next instant. He won’t even be thinking about the ice cream ever again, because he is firmly established in the eternal now, the ultimate reality, that transcends any of the temporary fluctuations of thought or form. So once he did whatever he did, he’d be done with it.
What do you think the Buddha would do?
Recently, I had an inspiring, energizing, and engaging reading with Eliyahu Jian – an author, rabbi, and life & spiritual coach. It was a delightful experience, because he saw parts of myself that few others have. I laughed, cried, was a bit surprised, and uplifted.
There’s a way to shift ourselves out of a dour mood. From a pre-pandemic blog I originally wrote for Psych Central (when I actually had a physical counseling office!), here’s how I returned to feeling more alive and happy.
The mind likes to do a lot of comparing. Am I doing as well as that person over there? My yoga poses suck. I am the best in the class! Their car is nicer than mine. It would be easy to write pages of this, wouldn’t it? It’s all too familiar.
I’ve spent a lot of my life seeking, seeking, seeking. Looking for God everywhere, searching for my teacher or my spiritual path.
You or I would complain bitterly. Living in barren conditions, seldom any water. Frequently, large vehicles pass right overhead making thunderous noise, and trampling the living space so you can barely stretch up without being hit. Garbage is part of your living landscape.
The funniest thought arose in my meditation today, after I had been contemplating the Eightfold Noble Path – Buddha’s prescription for eradicating suffering and attaining liberation. Apparently, my thoughts weren’t entirely still (big surprise) and thus this image of an ice cream cone being offered to the Buddha somehow sprang to my awareness. Would he eat it? What would the Buddha do?
